I can’t even tell you how fucking lucky I felt today. In one day, Hayley was mine; she stood up for me, and took me away from my pathetic overrated family, because she’s selfless and absolutely the most incredible women I could ever be with. I was beginning to think that Paramore is my family haha, as stupid and cheesy as that sounds. Though, if I was having a problem or needed help, any one of them would do it, maybe even all at once. They were amazing people. Even Josh was starting to turn around. So, today I had zero feelings of guilt for leaving my family. Mostly because it was for Hayley.
Obviously, I was still going to live with Taylor, cause if I didn’t I’d turn into a complete girl. Yes, I did want to spend every second with Hayley… but I wondered if just moving right in together would hurt our chances, especially after being on tour together. But, tonight I wanted to stay at her house, because we still had more making out to do before tomorrow. And that is all I thought about until we got to Nashville, basically just all about her.
She had the biggest smile on her face on the plane, “I can’t believe I get to take my girlfriend on tour with me.”
“Awww yes you do! I might end up killing your ex boyfriend,” I laughed, thinking about being stuck with Josh for a month.
“Luckily, he stays in the background. So you could come everywhere with me,” she smiled again and kissed me.
I laughed, “Isn’t that a bit dangerous,” we kissed again.
She thought for a second, “Ummm yeah probably… maybe you can go with the guys sometimes…”
“That’d be for the best haha…”
There was so much sexual tension between us today; everyone on the fucking plane could probably feel it. We wanted each other, to say the least, and I couldn’t believe she felt it too. It started this morning. This morning, we realized so, so many feelings that neither of us knew we could ever feel. It was incredible. I knew resisting was the only battle now, but waiting until we were sure was important too; because once I started, I couldn’t stop.
When we got to her house, she started helping me practice guitar. I’ve been practicing their set list for 3 weeks, nearly every day, and I was getting much more confident with my talent. She never stopped complimenting or helping me, and that’s probably why I was getting good in the first place. Plus, Taylor’s help was incredible. I was also realizing, Hayley, Taylor, and Jeremy worked harder than anyone else in the band… and the four of us got along better when Josh and Zac weren’t around. It made me realize, Josh was dumping all the work on the three of them, and removing Zac from everything as well.
“Why is Josh so intent on me being in the band?”
“I have no idea… he never mentioned that. It’s weird isn’t it? At first he’s calling me suggestive names for liking you and then he just switches. He might be up to something.”
“Or he’s just changed and sees how happy we are together…”
She laughed sarcastically, “He’s way too stubborn for that,” her phone rang, “Speaking of…” Josh and Hayley talked like they were friends again, for awhile… until the tone immediately changed, and I could tell something was really really wrong. She got really angry and started yelling every name in the book at him. I didn’t have any idea of what to do, because I wanted them to sort it out, but once she started crying I had to step in.
I sat next to her on the couch and held her, “What’s wrong?!”
She hung up immediately, “He’s a fucking dickhead! He used the extra
spot we had left open for you to come on tour for his fucking girlfriend,” she started shaking, “What the fuck?!”
“What the hell? Why would he do that?”
“Because he’s selfish. The only way you could come is if you drove, and we wouldn’t even get to see each other then,” she pressed into me, “I don’t know what to do.”
“I wish I knew baby,” I kissed her head.
“I do. Fucking kick him out and let you play rhythm guitar.”
I laughed, “Can you even do that?”
“Yes I can…” she sat up, thinking.
“Hayley no… I don’t want to be Yoko, honestly.”
“You aren’t,” she grabbed my face, “We need a change, a big change. Taylor, Jeremy, and I need you in this band. You saved the band, not broke it up.”
“Do it now then,” I said before kissing her.
“In a second.” She pushed me back against the arm of the couch and straddled me, wrapping her arms around my neck, “I love you so much,” she said with her lips inches from mine.
“I love you too, so much Hayley. And, I kinda love this position we’re in…”
She laughed and pressed against me, “You’re so damn perfect.”
As I feared, we got distracted with making out instead of Hayley calling the manager and Josh. I didn’t even know what time it was. I couldn’t even remember how we got here. All I could think about was her kissing the fuck out of me. I don’t know what I did to deserve this, but I hope I can repeat it, because holy fuck this was incredible. But, I was getting worried about the turnout, what if it was too late to make any changes? What if I had to stay and be away from her like Josh said? Fuck. I knew why Hayley got distracted, one it was on purpose, and two she knew it wasn’t going to happen so easily and she wanted to utilize the time we had left together.
So I did not ruin our night together, I couldn’t. Hayley had my hips pinned down against the couch with hers, which made it fucking hard to keep any control I had left. And, the kissing started to speed up, and god only knows why. She started kissing me really hard and running her hands up and down my neck. So I started running my hands up and down her hips, pushing on them a little more every time I went down and back up. Then, her hands slid down my shoulders, chest, and stomach to the bottom of my shirt. That’s when I decided the couch wasn’t right for what’s about to happen.
I said nothing, as words could never describe how I felt at the moment, and I didn’t want to ruin the element of surprise. I wanted this to be slow, I wanted to enjoy every second, because it could be the last for a long time. Right now, I saw Hayley differently than I ever have. I saw her as my girlfriend, the woman I had to protect, the women I had to make happy, and the girl who’d do the same for me. Sex wasn’t ever a big deal to me, until I found her. Before her, love and sex had never existed together in my life; it was all fun and games for the other girls. But now, it was a need, it was fulfilling both of our needs, and even our dreams. I wanted to show her how I felt, because I was done talking. But, Hayley is NEVER done talking.
We stood in her very girly bathroom, which didn’t really catch my eye as she was looking up at me, her arms around my neck, and her face inches from mine, “I’ve never felt like this in my whole entire life,” she said, sounding serious.
“Neither have I, Hayley. Are you sure about this?”
“Not entirely. It seems kind of the wrong time. What’s going to happen if we do, and then I leave?”
I thought for a second, “Fuck.”
She backed away and turned around, “Fuck I ruined it already. I’m so sorry Riley.”
I grabbed her quickly and pulled her into me, “No. Don’t say that.
There’s a reason we need to wait, and God only knows that reason. But, I’m willing to wait as long as it takes to have you.”
She closed her eyes and leaned against me, “I’m so in love with you.”
“I’m so in love with you too Hayley,” I hugged her as tight as I could.
“I’m going to shower,” she said turning around, “I want you to come anyway.”
“Whatever you want,” I smiled, kissing her softly as we started undressing.
I tried to keep my eyes to myself, undressing as fast as I could, but since my mind knew what Hayley was doing it couldn’t ignore it. She had her back to me as she unclasped her bra, making me jealous of her own hands. Holding back was going to be harder than I thought. Her skin had a pinkish yet pale shade to it, making it look irresistibly soft. I did not know if I could handle her turning around, so I made sure she didn’t; I came up behind her and wrapped my arms around her hips, kissing her neck. Already, the feeling of her warm, soft, and bare body against me turned me on, unfortunately. I lifted her into the shower after it warmed up. I stayed behind her, and buried my head down into her neck, avoiding the beautiful sight of all of her. And, I think she was doing the same.
“This isn’t helping…” I could hear the weakness in her voice, giving me the chills.
“I agree… let’s just see what happens. Let me help you hehe,” I laughed evilly and softly kissed her neck while reaching forward and grabbing the soap.
“You want me to really help,” I asked, sliding one hand down to her waist, rubbing softly, “Fuck you’re so soft baby.”
She moaned, “Baby I need you. I can’t wait over a month,” she turned around, quickly pulling my hips against hers as we slammed into the wall.
I moaned too, “Oh fuck,” my knees got weak.
Immediately, my attention was directed down towards her body, and my knees and control seemed to get weaker. She had the most flawless, perfectly toned, and proportionate body I could ever get lucky enough to see, touch, and even taste. Everything about her was perfect and so, so beautiful. I started kissing her hard with our bodies completely pressed together, water slowly tracing down us. It felt fucking indescribable. I could feel her nipples against the bottom of my chest. I could feel her hips against mine. Her smooth legs. She started running her hands up and down my back, slowly and carefully. I slid my hands down her shoulders, down her chest, letting one rest over her left breast. She was soft and everything you’d imagine her boobs being, seriously who hasn’t thought about doing this? Every time she moaned, kissed me back, or touched me, it was a brand new feeling, and fucking incredible. Before I went farther, I had to tell her why I was doing this.
“I love you so much,” god her eyes never looked so beautiful.
“I love you too so much. Let’s go to my bed baby,” she said before kissing me, opening her mouth a little bit.
“That was fucking hot,” I said picking her up and carrying her out as I turned the shower off.
I shoved her against the wall as our kissing increased into lustily making out. Her hands tangled in my hair, her legs tangled around my body, we were about to explode. She dropped her legs and pushed out against me towards the bed. We scampered back to it and fell back as I pulled her on top of me. I immediately grabbed the inside of her thigh and started rubbing as she kept kissing me. Our bodies were still wet from the shower, but soon the water would be replaced with sweat. We sped up even more as I slid back against the pillows; she straddled me, and tucked her head into my neck as she started kissing it. Then, I slid my hand up the inside up her thigh, resting my palm on it, stretching my middle finger up to her clit. I started touching her, trying to be gentle but keep a fast pace as she wanted. She whimpered and started squirming a little bit. I enjoyed the view of her being on top of me, but for best results, I shoved her on her back and slid on top of her. I started kissing her neck all over and kept rubbing her as much as I could with my other hand pinning her hips to the bed.
Even though our actions at the moment were pretty intense, I wanted to double that towards what I really, really wanted to do to her. Now, the view of her under me was beautiful as well, but I had much more to focus on. I kept kissing her neck, listening to her breathe and whimper basically into my ear. I slid my fingers down from her clit, noticing she was absolutely soaking wet, not to mention incredibly warm. I slid them into her, and she instantly reacted with a moan and a squirm under my other hand. God it felt so good to feel that she wanted me.
“Don’t stop baby, please,” she pleaded.
“God I never want to,” I kissed to her lips.
“I don’t either. I love you, so so much.”
“I love you too so fucking much.”
We kept kissing, holding a single kiss as I started rubbing the top wall of her as gently as I could. She started moaning into my mouth as she wrapped her legs around my back. Then she started gripping the sheets and rocking her hips back and forth as she started to lose control. We were both making sounds I didn’t even know either of us would end up making tonight. It felt absolutely incredible to have her tense around me and have her pressing her entire body including her lips against mine. There’s nothing more incredible than this.
“Oh my fucking god,” she said as I slid to the slid of her and held her. She was still shaking and sweating. God she looked more beautiful than ever. “You’re amazing,” she turned on her side and kissed my chest. “But now it’s my turn,” she grinned.
“Oh god, really?”
She straddled me, “Yes really,” she whispered against my neck as she kissed it softly.
“Oh god Hayley I won’t last long.”
“That’s the point,” she slid her hand down to my waist.
In 4 hours, Hayley and I had completely worn each other out. Now we were lying on her bed, cuddling, still breathing heavily and trying to cool down. It was very frustrating and amazing at the same time, because after everything she did to me, I still wanted her. After all the touching, kissing, licking, oh god and sucking, I still managed to want us to do that all over again. I’d never felt anything like this in my whole entire life. I knew it wouldn’t go away, not with how much I loved her and how beautiful, hot, sexy, cute, evil, and gorgeous she was. And I didn’t mind it.
She laughed, “Holy fuck what happened?” She sat up, hugging the sheets.
“Yeah we kinda went animal there…”
“I didn’t know we had that in us,” I laughed, putting my shirt back on.
She pulled me back down beside her and cuddled me hard, “Why are you putting clothes back on?!?”
“I… don’t know. Haha habit I guess.”
“Well stop it,” she took my shirt back off and pulled my head against her chest. “Clothes are optional in my house,” she laughed, rubbing my back.
“God I love you,” I snuggled up to her and wrapped my arms around her waist.
She kissed my head and squeezed me, “I love you too so, so much Riley. I can’t believe I have to leave in 3 hours.”
“Yeah I can’t either. Wish I had the money to follow you guys,” I kissed her shoulder.
“Yeah. But, being around Josh and his bitch would be bad,” she laughed, “You got some practicing to do anyway.”
“I would probably kill them.”
“I probably will actually,” I kissed her forehead, “Get some sleep baby.”
I couldn’t leave Riley, yet leave her alone with an apartment and a house to watch over. I didn’t even want to leave in this first place, but touring was part of the job and the fans needed us. At least Ri understood that. But, still it wasn’t enough for me to even feel remotely comfortable leaving. I had 3 and a half hours before I had to leave, and I already knew the person who’d be perfect to hang out and take care of my girl while I’m gone. Riley was passed out, so I slid out as sneakily as I good and put her shirt on, which I would be keeping because it smelled so incredible. I didn’t care if it was like 4 in the morning, this was an emergency.
“Hayley what the hell are you doing,” Dak asked when she answered.
“I need a huge favor… my um girlfriend is going to be alone at my house and T’s apartment. I leave for tour tomorrow and she needs help.”
“Your girlfriend?! Holy shiiiiiiit! That’s amazing Hayley!”
I laughed, “I know. We’re uh in love… so I need you to look after her for me. Please please Dak?”
“Alright, I’ll be there tomorrow afternoon.”
“Thanks bitch,” I laughed before hanging up.
Now that I got that sorted, time for my limited amount of sleep for that last time with Riley. I slid in behind her and wrapped my arms around her as tight as I could. Tonight was the last night for awhile we’d be able to do this, and to be honest, I wanted to cry because of it. Being away from her would be the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I am so in love with her, and I barely even know what real love is. It’s insane, but so incredible. Hopefully, we can survive the distance and come out stronger than before. And, maybe Dak and she will get along, without making me jealous.
I was standing in the airport, thinking over everything a thousand times. I was scared out of my mind to go home after everything that’s happened between my family and if. To be honest, I just wanted them to move on and see how happy and in love I am. I wish more than anything that everyone could just get along again and they’d trust Hayley. Right now, she was probably one of the most misunderstood people, which makes no sense because she’s amazing. Besides all of that, I was more worried and scared about leaving her. I knew she’d be fine… but I had no idea if I could.
What if I couldn’t handle it? What if it killed me to be away from her for like 3 weeks? I wish that I could take her with me and show her off to my entire family. It’d certainly prove how amazing she is. Fuck, now I was really questioning leaving, but it had to be done, because I had to stay in Nashville, but it runs out, amazingly, Nashville was coming with me…
This crazy ass girl that I’ve fallen head over heals in love with, casually stands next to me with a suitcase and a plane ticket, looking busy and like she’d been there the whole time. My god I love her. I started laughing uncontrollably, and so did she. I think we were laughing because, one we’re immature, and two we were fucking excited. This was really happening.
“I should’ve known you wouldn’t let me leave, “I smiled.
“Not by yourself anyway, I refuse to be away from you for that long!”
“I agree. I was just having second thoughts about leaving,” I said before turning to her and hugging her.
She cuddled into me, “Good thing I’m going then, and it’ll go a lot faster.”
“Thank god,” I kissed her head.
“This is all part of your plan isn’t it,” she laughed, pulling away.
“Nah, I didn’t have one… until now,” I grinned.
She grabbed onto my arm and jumped up and down, “Tell me!”
“You’ll find out soon enough.”
My plan involved sneaking in and out of my parent’s house and driving to my aunt’s house for the weekend. Simple enough right? Nope. There was way more to it than that. I knew this is the weekend I had to make something happened, before tour sucked up all our time and energy. And, I know she didn’t want me to do anything, but fucking hell, would you sit on your ass waiting for something to magically happen to get you and the girl of your dreams together? Fuck that. I was too in love with her for that, and obviously romantic. My plan would surprise her, but still be subtle. I was excited, and couldn’t wait.
“Why’d you come exactly,” I asked as we sat on the plane.
“I had to. I couldn’t let you go alone, and I didn’t want to be without you for three weeks,” she said, resting her head on the edge of my shoulder. She smelled amazing, as always.
“I didn’t either, but I thought there wasn’t any other way. I thought we’d be fine apart, and like we’d be able to move on with our lives. But, we couldn’t even stand the thought of it,” I laughed.
“Why’d you think I could be alright if you just left like that though?”
“I don’t know. I guess I see how close you and the guys are, and I thought the tour and all of your work stuff would be more important.”
“You obviously don’t know how important you are to me,” she said, sliding up and kissing my cheek. “I couldn’t even be alone with Josh… it was creepy!”
I laughed, “Why is it creepy?”
“Cuz he may still like me!”
“I’ll kill him.” I said seriously.
“Ooooo is someone jealous?!”
“Jealous, not anymore,” I shrugged, “But I am protective.”
“You’re sweet,” she smiled and latched onto my arm again.
As usual, Hayley fell quickly asleep, cuddled up against my side. She looked so adorable, especially today, but that was probably just because I was falling in love with her even more. It was perfect timing, even if neither of us had planned a damn thing out fully. It really was supposed to happen this way; I’m absolutely convinced that we’re meant to be together. If we weren’t, why is fate doing everything possible to get us together? It was obvious to me, but I worried about how Hayley felt, and I hoped this weekend would change her mind.
I woke up just as we landed, because the plan wasn’t exactly the smoothest or largest plane, which somehow I slept on. Hayley looked really tired, so I wanted to get to the house as quickly as possible. Tonight, we were sleeping in my bed together. God how long have I dreamt and wanted that? Only Brandon would be able to tell you, and I hope he doesn’t tell Hayley… that would be embarrassing, but at least she might think it was cute, maybe.
“I have no idea where we’re going,” Hayley said, sounding absolutely adorable.
“Home first. We’ll sleep there for the night and pack up and go to my Aunt’s.”
“Sounds perfect,” She grabbed my hand and smiled.
“Does it? Hmm… that’s good cuz you’re sleeping with me,” I grinned.
“Well where else would I want to sleep,” she laughed.
“Oh, well you could’ve told me sooner!”
“Well… I could’ve… but that would’ve ruined this entire romantic trip,” she said as we got in the taxi.
I smiled, “Who said that was the agenda?”
“I guess God did.”
“Guess that means I can do was I was just planning to do.”
She looked at me in the backseat, “I want you to.”
When Hayley said that, I instantly passed out from so many different feelings. It confirmed that she felt relatively the same for me as I did for her. And, she wasn’t hesitant about us anymore. This was an incredible step for us and our lives. From this weekend and on, we were always going to have each other. How did I know that? Because, trust me, I will never ever fucking let her go or do anything to lose her. And, I couldn’t fucking wait to tell her that. She needed that after all the band drama, and thinking that she wasn’t going to see me for almost a month. Still can’t believe I was that stupid, but fuck the past. Hayley wants me. Holy shit.
When we got to my house, we immediately snuck upstairs in the dark. Thankfully, I hadn’t forgotten the way to my room, because we probably would’ve tripped and killed ourselves. Luckily, the streetlight lit up my room a bit and we quickly got into it and started laughing as Hayley tripped over my foot.
“Haha luckily I didn’t hit your nose during the whole thing,” She whispered while laughing cutely.
“I know, it still hurts, you jerk!” Obviously I was kidding.
“Aww I’m sowwy,” she said pouting cutely, “You know, I could always kiss it better,” she said immediately changing tone, and wrapping her arms around my neck. I got really nervous at this point and nearly fell over just at the thought of it.
“You’re kidding right?”
She immediately stretched up and kissed me, hard, taking my fucking breath away instantly. I didn’t expect this at all, not even in my dreams. At first, I was just absolutely dumbfounded by incredible it felt. Her kissing me like this was so far the best thing that’s ever happened to me. After I stopped thinking, I started kissing back and wrapping my arms around her waist and pulling her against me. At first, the kissing was slow and no doubt the hardest I’ve ever kissed anyone in my life, but soon it started to become increasingly passionate, beyond anything I would’ve imagined. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t feel my legs, and all I could do is think about how much more I was falling in love with her right now. God is this really happening right now.
When we finally shoved ourselves away from each other, I had to get the first words in, “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that,” it barely came out due to lack of air.
She kissed me once again, “You definitely have no clue to how long I’ve wanted to kiss you Riley.”
“Then tell me,” I said smiling and picking her up and pulling her to my bed with me.
We instantly cuddled up, and she laid her head on my chest, “Remember the first time we slept on the couch together?”
I was surprised, “That soon?”
“Yeah, surprisingly. It’s never happened to me before. I mean, I certainly didn’t think it was possible to feel like this.”
“How do you feel?”
“I’m in love with you,” she said sitting up and looking at me.
“With me? Wow.”
“Yes you,” she smiled and leaned over kissing me and sliding her hands up to my neck.
“Good thing I’m in love with you too then,” I smiled before kissing her too.
The sun was literally coming up as we kept making out, not even noticing how long we’d been up, or giving a fuck. It was probably the most perfect way to start our relationship and break the ice of us being nervous. I was obviously still going to be a little nervous, but now I couldn’t hesitate or hold any feelings back. Now, I just had to face the reality of Hayley being my girlfriend and not fuck anything up, and that’s why I was nervous. Starting slow was the best thing I could do, but I had a feeling it’d be difficult, as Hayley wouldn’t stop kissing me. I could tell already, we’re going to be the most inseparable, lovey, charismatic, and deeply in love couple ever. This was the best day of my entire life.
Riley was absolutely the sweetest person ever. Kissing her changed my entire life in one second. I knew she was awesome, but she is incredible. The way she holds me and kisses me is indescribable. I’ve never had anything remotely close to anything like this, but I knew this is what being in love is supposed to be. Riley was definitely showing me and making me feel how she felt about me. I was happy now, more confident, and less worried about the things that are to come.
When I woke up, I felt majorly sleep deprived and dehydrated, but not even giving a damn, because Riley was still sleeping next to me. She was sleeping on her stomach, with her shirt slid up, which meant I was staring at her the whole time. I scooted over and pulled the blankets over us. I cuddled up against her and started rubbing her back. Her skin was incredibly soft, it was almost addicting. She started to wake up eventually, and weirdly, I got excited.
“Hey,” she said smiling and turning on her side, looking at me, “Sleep good?”
“Better than ever,” I said, cuddling up to her closer and tucking my arms under her shirt and resting my hands on her chest. God she was soft everywhere.
She held me, pressing me against her closer, “I love you, you know that?”
“I do now,” I smiled and reached up for her face, kissing her.
She pulled away and looked at me, “Today, you’re going to get annoyed from me reminding you.”
And just like that, we were kissing, again. I had a feeling the kissing wouldn’t stop for the next couple of weeks, but if she always kissed me like this, our control would fly out the freaking window. She had her arms tightly wrapped around my waist, her hands clutching my sides as we lay facing each other. She was kissing me, slowly alternating between kissing open and closed. It was slow of course and deep, but eventually, something insane came over us. I pushed her on her back and straddled her immediately, not even breathing or thinking as we started making out even harder. This was not some random act of a honeymoon stage… this was something I couldn’t even describe. God this is what real passion is.
Unfortunately for our brains and lungs, it did not stop there. She had her hands slowly sliding all over my body, like she practiced it in her head a thousand times. Her hands were soft and warm, and persistent on touching every single part of my body she could reach. She was now slacking on kissing as she ran her hands under my shirt up my back, then up my sides, slower this time. I could tell she was thinking about something.
“What are you thinking,” I asked staring at her.
She looked back at me and shook her head, “Nothing. It’s nothing, just good things.”
I smiled and put my forehead against hers, “No more secrets Riley.”
She grabbed my face and sat up, kissing me, “I just realized, I want to take this seriously and do this right. I really am so fucking in love with you, and I will do anything to have you, because I can’t be without you,” she said, quickly, but surely.
I couldn’t even begin to think of response as remotely beautiful as that. I started crying, because no one’s ever, ever said anything like that to me. It was every girls dream. A dream I sure as heck didn’t believe was real till now. “I love you, so fucking much,” I said before wrapping my arms around her neck and kissing her as hard as I could, “You make me speechless, and so many things I can’t even explain to you. I’m yours,” god it felt good to say that.
“We should probably get going,” She laughed.
“Yeah before we just make out forever!”
“Well I’d be fine with that,” she grinned and kissed me again.
Yup, today was the best day ever. Even though I was sleep deprived and possibly unaware of a lot of important things, I said and did everything I wanted to do to Riley… well almost everything I wanted to do haha, but that’s for later. It took us literally no time at all to pack everything she wanted. We were on some kind of speed or crack, because we went super stupid fast. It was awesome. Now the next challenge was meeting her confusing parents.
“Hey everyone, this is my girlfriend, Hayley,” Riley said, with the hugest smile on her face. However, we were the only ones smiling, besides her mom who was forced to stay quiet.
“So, how much is she paying you,” her dad asked me, thinking it was funny.
I was offended and not afraid to do something about it, “I don’t know what Riley did, but you should not be talking to her like that. She wants support and to prove that this is real. I mean, how is this your business anyways?”
He wasn’t happy, “You’re the reason she’s abandoned this family!”
“Maybe cause that’s what you’re supposed to do that when you’re an adult! Which is what she is and what she’s trying to be!”
“Hayley, it’s okay, let’s just go,” She whispered.
“Yeah, I don’t think this is worth it.”
I’ve never been so mad in my life. Her family has issues, like abandonment and trust issues. It seems like they’re too selfish to even see how happy Riley is and that we really are in love. When we got done loading the car, I wondered if we should just go home. I didn’t want Riley to get hurt, and Brandon already did that. I couldn’t let it happen again, because she deserves better. Her family is only going to hold her back, but I was kind of afraid of making it worse by telling her this.
I hugged her as we stood by the car, “Are you sure about this?”
“No. Not anymore, I kind of just want to forget and go home haha,” she sounded sad.
“I really think that’s for the best Riley.”
“I thought they’d change once they saw you, but they fucking didn’t. I just wanna be with you,” she said before kissing my forehead.
This made me smile, obviously, “You’re adorable. Let’s get out of here!”
“I like your bed better anyway haha.”
“I like you in any bed,” I winked before we got in the car.
“Oh god shut up, I’m the one driving!”
I laughed, “Oh that got to you?”
“You always get to me,” she said before kissing me.
“I’ll remember that!” She was quiet for awhile as she drove to the airport. I could tell she was thinking about something again, “What is it?”
“Nothing,” she smiled.
I shook my head, “Always planning something aren’t you?”“Maybe I am.”
The fact that the band was happy and not fighting was amazing, really, but that didn’t mean I had to like Josh. He was kind of full of himself, weird, and hard to read, but the fact that he was showing me guitar stuff with Hayley watching, made me feel like a god. The fact that I was knee deep in this band and everyone was getting to know me, and liked me, gave me the new start I wanted to have. I didn’t like Josh, but I didn’t hate him. At least he cared about the band and Hayley still.
“We have a week or so before tour,” he said as we sat in his basement, as the three of us were playing guitar. “And, I think you should consider joining us on tour. It’d be like part of your training haha,” he smiled, leaning up against the desk.
“Consider? Haha dude you don’t even have to ask,” I said looking at Hayley as she smiled.
“Hahaha great. Now we just need to teach you some songs, and maybe you can help us right. It takes a lot of practice to understand Hayley’s music terms.”
She laughed, “Sometimes I just can’t think of the right word!”
“I’m not even surprised, I have a feeling I know one percent of what I’m in for with her,” I laughed.
“You have no idea,” Josh shook his head.
“I’m not that bad,” she argued, standing up quickly. Little did she know, the guitar would end up smacking me in the nose. “Oh god I am that bad!” She freaked out handing Josh the guitar and turned to me, “I’m so so so so sorry Riley!”
I laughed, “I think you broke it,” I was messing with her.
“Oh my gosh I did?!” She started trying to pull me out into the kitchen. She threw me on the couch while Josh and I started laughing. She held ice on my nose, “I’m taking you to the hospital!”
I laughed and grabbed the ice, “Hayley I’m kidding, I’m fine, really. It’s just going to bleed for awhile.”
She paused for awhile, and then pushed my hand off and held the ice on, “Not even funny!” She growled as she said this.
We sat in awkward silence, I could tell she was thinking about something. I felt kind of bad for pulling that kind of joke on her. I didn’t know she’d react like that. Wow. She really cares about me, more than anyone.
“Aww were you worried,” I asked, looking at her.
She sat next to me on the couch, “Yeah I was, a lot haha. I don’t even know what came over me.”
“Uh I’ll give you two a minute,” Josh said before going into the other room.
“Are you sure you’re okay,” she asked, looking at my nose.
“Yes Hayley, I’m fine. It hurts, but not bad.”
She hugged me, “Good, I can’t have you hurting,” she laughed cutely.
“Let’s get back to work, Josh might feel left out,” I laughed.
The three of us were working on guitar parts until 1 in the morning. But, we were getting somewhere. It was fun, even though a lot of the time we were all so focused and serious about it all. I wasn’t as focused as them. I was thinking about earlier, when Hayley got protective of me. She was really genuinely worried and scared, and even though I laughed, all I was thinking about was grabbing her and kissing her. God when am I not thinking about that? I do every time she looks at me, every time she comes into the same room, and every time she basically does anything.
“Riley, you still with us,” Hayley asked laughing.
“Uh I think I’m getting tired haha.”
“Yeah me too, I’ll take you home,” she said grabbing her stuff and my hand, “Josh, keep me updated on the songs and stuff one week till tour!!”
“Yeah I will.. One question… are you two uh…?” He asked, raising one eyebrow and looking at both of us.
She sighed, “Why does everyone ask that? None of your business,” she smiled and pulled me out of the room. “I’ll drive,” she smiled as we got out to the car.
“Thanks Hayley, this was amazing,” I said as she started driving.
“Of course! I’m glad you and Josh get along… I’m surprised really,” she laughed.
“Me too haha. Still though, if he does anything stupid to you, I will kick his ass.”
“I’m sure you could… you’re pretty… uh yeah.”
I laughed at her inability to talk, “You tryin’ to say I’m built?”
She blushed, “Well yeah you’re really in shape and stuff.”
I smiled, “You’re adorable.”
It got quiet for awhile, like awkwardly quiet. I tried not to stare at her, but that wasn’t working. She was wearing a tank top, which obviously didn’t help with the staring. Her skin. I just couldn’t look at it without getting extremely frustrated from wanting to rip her clothes off. “You can lay on me… if you want,” she smiled and moved her arm behind my seat.
“Now why would I want to do that,” I laughed, laying my head against her chest.
“I have no idea. But, I’m freezing,” she laughed, shivering a bit.
I sat up and took off my button up shirt, putting it on her, “Bet Josh never did this,” obviously I was kidding, trying to be funny.
“Actually no, only you.”
“Wow. I’d treat you way better than that.”
She smiled, “You already do.” Damn right.
When we got to her house, she turned the lights on and put everything away as she made me wait on the couch. The cute thing was, she was still wearing my shirt and had it buttoned up. I could get used to her wearing my shirts, and nothing else, preferably just nothing at all but sheets, lying on top of me. I’m day dreaming again.
She brought a bunch of blankets to me, “I’ll set you up in my room on the couch,” she smiled and wrapped her arm around my shoulder, walking me into her bedroom. The walls we a dark burnt orange, with dark gold trimming. Basically, exactly like you’d imagine her room would be like; very retro and 70s. “This couch is way better than the one in the living room, and this way you’re closer to me,” she smiled. She tucked me into it, covering me up and looking at my nose, gently touching it, “Aww it’s bruised,” she pouted.
“Yeah it hurts pretty bad…” I said sarcastically.
She kissed my forehead, “How’s that,” then she smiled.
“Didn’t feel it, go a little lower,” I grinned.
“You’re a perv,” she slapped my shoulder. Then she kissed my cheek.
“And you wonder why everyone asks you if we’re together!”
“Oh I know why, I just think they should shut up about it,” she sat on my lap. “Whatever happens happens. I’m sick of rushing things.”
I sat up and hugged her, “Let’s not even think about it. Keep doing what we’re doing because it’s working.”
She smiled and hugged me back, “Maybe you and Tay can get an apartment together.”
“I’ve actually been thinking about it, and that’d be awesome. We get along good… and it’d give us time away from each other.
“Yeah… that’s pretty important.”
Once Hayley went to bed, I was left thinking about everything she said. It’s like she wasn’t afraid of us getting close, and made it obvious that she kinda liked me, which made me nearly pass out every time I thought about it. The apartment idea was brilliant for getting us together. The more time alone Hayley had, the more she’d think about it and take time for herself. And then, I’d take her on a date. Haha but, then there’s touring, which was always crazy. There were so many wrenches to be thrown into the perfect plans I had, but I’d be patient, because holy fuck it was worth it.
I was sitting on the bus couch as the rain was splattering against the windows behind me. Jeremy informed me the show was cancelled because of the weather, and I was bummed as always. But, the dream was beginning to become more of a nightmare as Riley walked in with bags over her shoulders. Somehow, I knew exactly why she had her bags packed, and I instantly started crying my face off. I piled into her and she hesitantly wrapped her arms around me and held me, assuring me that I’d see her again, but I didn’t believe it. Josh came out of his bunk, yelling at her to get off the bus. She said nothing and jumped off, and my heart dropped into my stomach. To make things worse, Josh tried to kiss me, but I immediately pushed him off and jumped off the bus. This was the most intense dream I’ve ever had, and realistic. I felt the cold rain, I felt like the world was ending, and like nothing would ever be the same. But, little did I know, it’d have a happy ending. I caught up to her on the sidewalk and she turned around, freezing in place. I didn’t know what to say, but I knew what I wanted to do to fix things. I grabbed her face and I kissed her, not hesitating a damn bit. It was the most incredible feeling in the world, and it was just a dream.
For the first time, I woke up to these brand new feelings that I could never predict myself having; and yet I find myself wondering what the hell to do. Starting a relationship right now was reckless, distracting, and pushing everything to fast just because of emotions, typical girl shit. Right now, I couldn’t pull myself to do it. Because the scariest thing, it’s all I wanted. I had to put some place between us, before I ruin everything as usual.
I went in to the living room, finding Ri and Tay playing acoustic guitar together, which sounded amazing. I stood there watching them, noticing how good they were together. It was cute, especially since they were just messing around.
I laughed, “How are you guys hyper at 8 in the morning?”
“Riley’s moving in with me today,” Taylor smiled.
“That was fast! I’m glad! I gotta get ready to go see Josh. I’ll see you later,” I asked Riley.
“Yup. Maybe we can hang out after practice or something.”
“I’d love that,” I smiled. She walked over and gave me a tight hug. I didn’t want to let go.
“Good luck today,” she said, smiling before her and Taylor walked out. Yeah she was adorable today.
I was nervous to be alone with Josh… it’d be kind of awkward considering what happened last night, and I was afraid that I couldn’t focus after a dream like that. But, we needed to start working on the album before tour, or else we’d never get anything set in stone. Plus, it keeps me distracted for how much I just want to kiss Riley’s face off. Let’s pretend I never said that…
Two hours into Josh’s and my plan and song writing, Riley texted me and asked me how things were going. To be honest, it was boring without her, and I told her that. She said she missed me and that her and Taylor were writing as well. Aww she missed me, really? That’s so sweet. God she makes it really hard to think anymore.
My phone rang and Josh instantly shot me an annoyed look, but I answered it anyway. And immediately Riley answered, “Yeah I hate texting haha. I have some bad news.”
“What,” that came out way louder than I meant it to.
“Uh, well I have to go home for awhile. I want to end things there and pack up and come here.”
“Whoa, like you want to permanently move up here?”
“I don’t know what I want haha I’ve never been on my own.”
I avoided the weird looks on Josh’s face as he listened and went in the other room, “But you’re not alone… you have me and Taylor, and Jeremy. I’ll do anything, anything to help Riley.”
“When you guys go to Denver on the tour, will you come get me?”
“Of course! Listen, after that let’s just drive together to the next show in Utah. You could use the time… and I’ll miss you.”
“Sounds amazing Hayley.”
I wasn’t going to see Riley for 4 weeks, and that was going to be awful, probably even more than I could imagine. She was the only person who made the stress from it all go away. And, I was just starting to take my feelings seriously. God why can’t I just go with her? Oh. My. God. I could. We leave on Monday for tour, and if we fly it’d only take a day and a half to go there and back… it’s risky, but isn’t it completely worth it? Then, I don’t have to wait to do anything. Okay, now I had a plan!
“Josh, I’m so sorry but I have to go early,” I said grabbing my stuff, “Riley needs my help. She wants to move on from her family and go home to get her stuff… and I have to go with her.”
He got confused, “But, we leave Monday and there’s still things we need to do… what about your family?”
“They’re busy with their lives, and I need to do something for me and a friend.”
“It’s just a bad time… what if you don’t make it in time,” he said, sounding more urgent.
“You just said she’s a part of the band, Josh. I’m confused.”
“You’re being selfish Hayley… it isn’t all about you and Riley falling in love or whatever.”
I laughed, “Oh yeah cause that’s exactly what I’m doing. I don’t have time for this, I have to go.”
And just like that, I walked out. I did exactly what Riley said I should do, and I didn’t regret it one damn bit. It felt incredible. Mostly it felt incredible because I was going to be with Riley for the next 76 hours, unfailingly. And, I had a plan to tell her more than I have been. It’s about time that I open up to her, especially about why I’ve been so hesitant and drawn back. Obviously, we both liked each other, maybe even love, and I wasn’t going to let anyone get in the way of that. This really was turning out like some crazy ass love story. And, I was going to make sure it did turn out like that.
Haha turns out; things weren’t so bad after all, right now anyway. This beautiful women was lying on top of me sleeping soundly as I was texting her best friend. Jeremy wanted to talk to me tonight, but his girlfriend just came to see him from London. So, we devised a surprise “date” for both of them, but I was going to tell Hayley so she would get a chance to put some decent clothes on, instead of just torturing me. She was wearing a hoodie over a cut off shirt and then boxer shorts that hung down way too low for my health. I could see her waist and hips, and sometimes her belly button when she stood up. It was ridiculous; I knew she did it on purpose because she laughed at my embarrassing reactions. Resisting Hayley was like resisting breathing.
When she woke up, she smiled and cuddled into me closer, giggling cutely. She tucked her head into my neck and wrapped her arms around it. Meaning her entire body was pressed against mine, and I was staring down the back of it. God she had the nicest ass, legs, back, and shoulders. Fuck you brain, fuck you right now.
“Who were you talking too,” she asked, laying her head on my shoulder.
“Jeremy. He wants to take Kat and us out to dinner tonight at around eight. I said that’d be amazing.”
“That sounds fun, nothing new besides you. Jeremy and I are always having sleep overs.
“Let’s do it then,” I smiled. Holy shit.
I was nervous as fuck now. It wasn’t a date or anything, of course, but it was a big deal, I mean going to Jeremy’s with Hayley and his girlfriend was pretty involved. Just the fact that they wanted me here made me insanely happy and honored. Whatever was going on between me and Hayley was probably normal for her, and I was okay with that. Being friends like this for now was amazing and good enough for me.
When she came out of the room, I don’t think I’ve ever felt so amazed in my entire life. She was cute, gorgeous, and sexy all at the same time. She was wearing a band t-shirt, a ridiculously short plaid skirt and black tights, and to top that off she wore high heels. Only Hayley could make something like that look so fucking incredible.
“I literally just threw shit on,” she said laughing and sitting next to me.
“Uh you look fucking amazing.”
“Aww thank you!”
“I’m serious, you’re fucking beautiful.”
She said nothing, probably because I said that a bit too much like I was getting serious, and I understood that. But, Hayley and I got closer to each other by the second, which meant so much to the both of us. We talked the whole way there about the first day we met and about Kat and Jeremy of course. I just couldn’t believe how incredible today was, regardless of anything else. She looked so happy, hyper, and like herself again, and that’s all that matters. Tonight was just getting better and better.
After I met Kat and we ate, Jeremy took me out in his backyard to talk. I was nervous, but I knew he and I got along good, and we were on the same side of things. To be honest, standing out here with him was great and all and made me feel like a part of the family, but I missed Hayley within ten minutes… but I was kinda glad she wasn’t out here, this would be dangerously romantic.
“Haha do you see the way she looks at you,” he asked, smiling and leaning against the deck railing.
“Hayley? Nah she doesn’t, that’s all me.”
“Nu uh, dude she gets this look. This blank, sexy, attack you look!”
I laughed, “You’ve had way too much coffee. Listen, there is something going on, but it’s just not the right time to make any moves yet.”
“Yeah I get it. You like her though?”
“Yes, a fucking lot. She’s amazing.”
“Well the whole crew likes you Riley. You’re a good partner for us… and Hayley haha.”
“I hope so. She’s more perfect than any girl I’ve ever met.”
“Aw how sweet,” he laughed and punched my arm, “I trust you with her, more than Josh haha.”
“Haha really? That’s good because he’s an ass.”
“Yeah. I think he’s overstayed in the band, because he’s over stepped his boundaries, too many times. And, he doesn’t think much of you, or Hayley anymore for that matter.”
“Why, because he thinks I’m changing her?”
“Exactly. I’ve about had it with him, and most of the Farros.”
Turns out, there was a lot going on behind our backs. Josh and Zac have basically boycotted us, and everyone who supports our friendship. Apparently, Hayley talked about me during a practice or a meeting, and they took it as we were already together and she cheated on Josh with me. They had it ALL fucking wrong in their heads like little school girls. It pissed me off. I hated the way the treated and didn’t trust in Hayley, after all these years. I couldn’t let it go on too much longer. Or their heads would become trophies.
Despite of wanting to kill Josh and Zac, the whole date was, indescribable. I can’t even tell you how many times I laughed till I cried, wanted to kiss Hayley, and was thoroughly embarrassed. I couldn’t believe how well I fit in. All of us got along, way too well almost. We were probably the loudest double date ever, talking about the most ridiculous random shit. Hayley kept her hand on my leg or my hand most of the time, and I had my arm around her shoulder. Everyone already thought we were a couple, and that’s why we both kept blushing. I couldn’t believe it was real. And, turns out it lasted longer than we both expected.
We all decided to watch some movies in the living room, which was awesome because we all liked the same movies, and well I got to sit by Hayley on the couch. I wasn’t paying attention, once again. My arm was around her shoulders and she was cuddled up against me. She looked tired and kept yawning, which was adorable. I covered us up with a blanket, not really thinking. Who really can think around Hayley anyway?
“I’m going to fall asleep,” she giggled quietly.
“I won’t mind if you do.”
“Awww let me get a picture,” Kat said excitedly, scaring us. We tried to separate, but it was too late.
“Oh god,” Hayley blushed and ran to Kat, “Don’t you dare post that!”
She grinned, “Too late, fans are already dying from your cuteness.”
“I am going to murder you in your sleep,” she didn’t sound so convincing. And, to be honest, it was all going to come out eventually. So I got up and picked her up, “Put me down!” She was laughing and blushing.
“Shut it,” I flopped down on the couch and held her back from Kat, “I don’t care who knows.
She cuddled back into me and closed her eyes, “Me either,” she smiled and sighed.
“Tonight was amazing,” she looked up at me, “Even if it wasn’t official.”
“Awwwww I think they love each other,” Kat said.
Hayley threw a pillow at her, “None of your business!”
It was so true though haha. We did, no matter what we said or did to hide it. I understood Hayley needed time, and things were all over the place right now, which was not a good time to start a serious relationship. I was willing to wait as long as I had to, because I did love her more than anything. I wanted to know what she wanted in life, before I tried giving her my life, or I’d fuck things up for the both of us. I could never do that, and I won’t. She deserves better than anything she’s had for 10 years, and I was promising myself that I wouldn’t be an idiot. She’s worth the wait, the work, and everything. I know I am way too obsessed with her… but I don’t care.
What in the world was I doing here? I was lying halfway on top of Riley on the couch. And I was thinking that it was all right. I was thinking like a crazy teen age girl, which wasn’t right. I wasn’t ready, and I knew there was a large possibility of hurting Riley because of it. I wanted to stay like this with her, but I didn’t want to hurt her feelings with my uncontrollable mood swings. I was ready to go back on tour and let things work themselves out, because if I made anything happen, nothing would turn out right.
I had feelings for Riley, shocker right? Well they were confusing ass feelings, because first I am enamored with her perfection, then I am overly comfortable with her, and next I’m extremely protective of her; and yet my self doubt told me to back off and get all of it out of my head. I wanted this complicated friendship, but I was afraid of it expanding beyond the limits of my life. I wanted to take Riley on this new tour. I wanted to see how she fit into all of it, and I wanted her to keep racing. This idea of balancing all of it was crazy, I know, but I’ve never wanted anything more in my life. And I started to write about it.
The next day, I had to clear my head in the morning after waking up on top of Riley, which I didn’t expect to happen. We had another band practice before tour, and this one was crucial because I had a lot of new songs to show the guys that we could play during the tour and get them ready. Only problem was, we were all still fighting about the bands direction and changes that had to be made. And obviously, that was Josh’s fault. I left a note on the table for Riley, and made sure Kat would take care of her while I was gone.
In the car, Jeremy and I actually got a chance to talk, “Riley seems great,” he said smiling, clearly planning something out.
“What are you thinking?”
He shrugged, “We could use another guitar player and someone he understands us. I mean, this band isn’t making any damn sense with Josh. Let’s ask him if he wants to actually quit and we could train Riley to fill his place. Hayles, I just can’t see us continuing like this anymore.”
I didn’t really know what to say, “All we can do is ask really, he sure isn’t the happiest anymore.”
“Remember when things were simple and we were all best friends haha?”
“Yeah, what the hell happened,” I laughed.
“Changes. We’re all different and so are our lives and shit. I just don’t know what’s up with Josh. At least you two are broken up,” he shook his head.
“Yeah. It makes a little more sense now haha.”
Jeremy’s idea was amazing, and really perfect for all of us, but of course Josh was too selfish and stubborn to let anything happen. When we asked him, he said this is his band too, and he’s going to do anything to save it. At least he was honest, but we all know he wouldn’t do a damn thing to fix this, and if he did, it would surprise the clothes off our backs. Also, he already had a new girlfriend, and so did Zac, which actually gave me some hope. This was getting weirder and weirder.
Josh came up to me, “Hayley, I want to go over some new music I came up with for those lyrics you gave me.”
“Um alright, we should work on it at your place.”
“Yeah and bring Riley too, I’d like to meet her officially,” he smiled, “Maybe we can teach her some things.” What the hell was up with him?!
“Haha that’d be amazing! Let’s start as soon as possible so we can get this completely laid out before next July.”
“My thoughts exactly, we’ll just meet up after band practice.”
“Awesome, I’ll lend her one of my guitars.”
“Hayley, I’m sorry about the whole thing, my personal problems got the best of me,” he said, hugging me like he used to.
“No, it’s fine. We’re all being babies. Let’s not let anything get in the way like we used to.”
“Haha deal. Just uh, how should I ask Jenna out?”
I laughed, “You are different aren’t you?”
This band practice was a miracle. Everyone just moved on and made up like nothing ever happened. Josh apologizing was like the most honest thing he’s ever done, and asking for girl advice, which I’m horrible at. Then, asking me to bring Riley, seriously he’s on some kind of medication. I was so freaking excited though! I couldn’t wait to tell Riley everything!
The rest of the night we talked about Taylor and basically everything that was on my mind. Riley was such an amazing listener and just awesome to hang out with. I’ve never been so comfortable with anyone in my life. We jammed Deftones, The Smiths, and Lydia the entire night. She loved Deftones and Lydia like crazy; it was cute and made her even more attractive. It was really the best night of my life so far. Gosh I haven’t been this happy in I don’t know how long.
“I’m getting tired,” she said yawning as we sat on the couch.
“Yeah me too, it’s almost 3 haha.”
“I don’t want to go to sleep though haha.”
“Me either. This is way too much fun haha, but we’re running out of things to talk about.”
“Haha I know, there’s nothing we don’t know now. It’s awesome!”
“You’re cute,” I said laughing. Oh god I was tired.
She blushed, “Oh shut up. Let’s go to sleep before you start getting all mushy on me.”
“Haha yeah good idea,” I laughed and got up, covering her up with a blanket. “Don’t count on me getting up early.”
“Don’t worry about it! Night Hayley,” she smiled as I turned off the lights.
“Night Riley, thanks for coming.”
I lay in bed that night, realizing my mind had other ideas besides sleeping tonight. I just couldn’t stop thinking about Riley and everything she said tonight. The way she says my name, the way she smiles at me and just everything. She was so perfect. I don’t know if I was just tired, but I knew I didn’t want to sleep in this bed alone tonight. It was cold, rainy, and I felt bad for just leaving her on the couch. I got up and walked out to the couch, noticing she was still awake, lying on her back.
“I can’t sleep,” I said standing there, looking at her.
“I mean. I can’t sleep without you,” I said, almost shaking from how nervous I was. Damnit. I can never shut up can I?”
“Come here,” she said throwing the blanket back and pulling me down on her by the bottom of my shirt.
I laughed, “You imagined this happening didn’t you,” I said cuddling into her she covered us up.
“Not in a million fucking years. You have no idea how this feels,” she wrapped her arms around me, and I found myself not being able to think or breathe.
“Neither did I.”
It wasn’t long before we both fell asleep. This was the most incredible way I’ve ever fallen asleep before. I’ve never had anyone hold me like this. I’ve never thought about someone like this. We just met, but there was clearly something between us that both of us noticed. I had a feeling people were going to start wondering if a best friend was a strong enough word for our relationship. I liked Riley, but I still had Josh to deal with, and she knew that. Hopefully, everything goes as planned? Right?
Holy shit did that really just happen?! That was literally the first thought I had when I woke up the next morning. Hayley and I were curled up on our sides, my arms still around her, and her hand was resting on top of mine as she was pressed back against me. She was so warm and really fucking soft. And god, she wasn’t wearing any pants. I didn’t want to move, but her phone had been ringing for the past hour and it was Josh, then Jeremy. Clearly, she was late for practice and the guys were wondering why. I didn’t want to wake her, but it kept me from telling Josh to fuck off.
“Hayley, come on wake up,” I whispered, “The guys are freaking out.”
“They can fuck off,” she whined cutely as she turned over and cuddled into me.
“Someone’s grumpy,” I asked laughing.
“Yes. I’d much rather stay here.”
I about died when she said that. “I’ll go with you then.”
She jumped up and smiled, “Aw really?”
“Yesss I’d kill to watch you guys! I’d stay out of the way haha or try to.”
“Oh you’d be fine! Let’s pick up Taylor too!”
“Good idea… uh maybe you should put some pants on,” I said, trying not to look. Fuck. She was wearing red underwear with a white and black striped waist band that sat right below her hips, and it looked fucking amazing on her.
“Ah I don’t even remember taking them off!” She ran into the bedroom. I was beginning to think I should buy an apartment.
I drove Hayley to Taylor’s place, met him quickly and drove to their rehearsal space in downtown Nashville. From what I know and could tell, Taylor was an amazing guy and a really brilliant musician, and all around likeable nice guy. It made me wonder why Josh disliked him and always put him in the corner of the band. Taylor was done with school and he was 18, meaning he could do whatever he wanted now. And, I knew for a fact he wanted to be in the band permanently. Josh was the only thing in the way, of basically all the plans. I just don’t know how it was going to happen.
“Um I have some new lyrics,” Hayley said sounding nervous as they all sat on the edge of the stage. “All we need is like 3 more songs.”
“Yeah let’s just see if they’re good or not,” Josh said, already sounding bitchy and condescending. “Maybe if we all showed up on time, it’d be done already haha.”
“Yeah but if we could all agree or compromise like adults it wouldn’t be a problem,” Jeremy said.
“But, lately some of us act like its not important enough to show up and pull the weight.”
“Oh come on,” Taylor said, “Can we just stop and work on the music!”
“Josh, if you have a problem with me, take it out on me when we’re on our time and not with the entire band. This has nothing to do with the band, and I know it doesn’t.”
“Fine. Let’s just get this done,” He grunted.
Within an hour, I already want to beat the fuck out of Josh. He was immature, selfish, and self righteous, just like Hayley said. I didn’t want to interfere, but I saw everyone’s self confidence fall immediately around him and there was absolutely no direction. It was chaos. It wasn’t how their music is at all. It wasn’t how the other four were. Josh didn’t even fit in, and well Zac had the maturity of a six yr old, so he just follows his brother around through everything. I could read this band like a book, and I wanted to help them but I didn’t know if I could.
When it came time for them to play through some songs, my heart about exploded from how amazing they sounded. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t think, and I couldn’t fucking believe I was here right now. Hayley made this whole thing about 500 times more breathtaking as well. Her voice sounded better than ever, and watching her sing like that just made me believe this was a fucking dream, but it wasn’t. I can’t even describe how I felt or place these feelings anywhere, and that was frustrating, because they were so fucking powerful. And yet in the fucking pit of my stomach, that doubt was rising, and I knew whatever it was about, it would alter everything that happened so far. So for now, I just enjoyed it while it lasted.
1 week later
I was expecting an important call from my dad today, which made me nervous on top of everything else that was going on. I had a race in Arkansas soon, Hayley and Josh were currently going through a break up, and I was trying to keep her calm about it, which wasn’t working. I had to get everything sorted before I left, because I knew I couldn’t leave her like this. Taylor and Jeremy both said they’ve never seen Hayley this hurt or angry or depressed, which made matters worse. It was something Josh said, because the day they broke up, she was fine. Then, they fought and it all went to hell. Nothing stays happy does it?
“Riley,” my dad said excitedly, “What’s going on?”
“Haha things are rough but we’ll get through it. What’d you want to talk about?”
“After this race, we think you should come home. Think things over…”
“What do you mean,” I was confused by what I should think over.
“This girl. She’s not interested Riley and she’s just holding you back.”
“Oh god here we go haha dad it’s not like that. We’re just friends and I’m helping her out until the race,” I lied.
“That’s not what Brandon and Sierra said. They’ve said you gone crazy and abandoned your life for her.”
I started shaking from rage; of course Brandon and Sierra said that. They fucking wanted me all to themselves and they couldn’t accept that I didn’t need them anymore. “Hey you have no right to believe that shit and address it to me over the phone. You have no idea what’s going on because you’re not here. I’m coming home, and I’m bringing this “girl”. Her name is Hayley and she’s been saving my life since I was 13. I love her, I don’t care how.” I hung up. There was nothing more I needed to say.
I heard everything Riley said, and it made me completely forget about Josh to be honest. She was absolutely the most important thing in my life right now, she was keeping me sane, and she was there for me 24/7. There was going to be a long fall break for me soon, making her plan very very possible, which made me excited as hell. I’ve felt selfish. Riley knows everything about me and my life, and I know nothing about her. All I knew was, I needed her in my life, or I had no clue what to do.
Riley was going to Arkansas tomorrow afternoon, and of course I had to stay for more writing. We had to finalize 14 songs before we went to LA to start fully getting the record started. I had 3 to write, that I had pieces of, which was so frustrating. Right now, I really wanted to spend time with her, because she’s the reason I’ve gotten so much done with writing.
“You okay,” I asked as she sat next to me on the couch.
“I am now,” she smiled and wrapped her arm around me. “What about you?”
“I’m a lot better. What Josh said was stupid and just got in my head, I’m over it now. I just don’t want you to go for 3 days tomorrow,” I said, snuggling into her.
“He’s an ass, hopefully he just remembers it’s all about the music and band. God I really don’t want to go either. But I guess separation is always good,” she laughed.
I laughed too, “Yeah we’ve been pretty much inseparable for 2 weeks now. That’s because you’re awesome!”
“You’re amazing,” she said, pulling me closer to her. Yup can’t breathe.
“Gosh Riley, tell me what you really think of me,” I laughed it off.
“Alright then,” she laughed.
She wasn’t kidding. She lay back on the couch and pulled me up on top of her. She held me even tighter than before, pulling my head into her chest. She was warm and perfectly cuddly, meaning it wouldn’t be long before I was asleep. I swear, I would never get tired of this, or stop thinking about it. She was so perfect. Josh was right about what he said. I never really loved him. There was always someone else I was waiting for. And, I said after Josh, I’d never be with anyone for a long time, but Riley was becoming that only exception. I was in love with her from the start.
I pushed her against the wall as we kissed so fucking hard and deep. She whimpered into the kiss as I pressed against her as close as I could. I needed her more than I’ve ever needed anything in my entire life. Kissing her was the most incredible thing I’ve ever experienced in my entire life, and I know it ruined the entire plan and that Charlotte would see it, but I didn’t give a fuck. Nothing fucking mattered to me right now, except kissing this incredible girl. We loved each other, more than either of us knew right now, and we couldn’t fucking wait to have each other, and we didn’t.
Everyone was leaving while we kept kissing each other, harder and harder until we were both getting weak and gasping between every kiss. I started running my hands up and down her body, feeling every part of her that I could through her clothes. She slid her hands up my shirt and pressed her hands to my stomach as she shoved her tongue against mine. We were losing control completely.
“God Catie, don’t stop,” she moaned before kissing me harder and wrapping her legs around my back.
“I can’t, I need you,” I said against her lips as I picked her up. “Fuck off,” I yelled to everyone so no one try to stop me. I made it to the back door of the venue, where someone dared to fucking stop us. It was some short blond chick and 2 other girls. What the fuck?
“Mom?! Oh my gosh,” Hayley said, sounding surprised out of her mind. I let her down and she ran to hug her. This was awkward.
“Hayley, what is going on,” her mom asked, getting a little intense.
“Um… I didn’t expect all this to happen…”
“That was a very stupid thing to do, Hayley. You’re ruining your career and life.”
Hayley looked like a guilty little kid, but sadder than that even, “I love her.”
“Mom, you’re being way too hard on Hayley,” the other blonde said. “We knew Hayley was different. She needs support… and I’m on her side.”
“Erica is right mom, it’s my life and I know it’ll all work out, because of all the real fans out there. Catie is the only reason I can even keep doing this… she’s someone I can trust and someone who’s going to support me more than anybody ever will.” Wow.
“You need to come home Hayley and think about all of this,” her mom said. The entire crew came up behind her. Oh great, a whole shit load of people who don’t and won’t understand.
“We agree Hayley, you’re not thinking clearly and throwing the band under the bus,” Taylor said.
“Yeah, this isn’t going to be good or easy for us. You’re being selfish.”
Hayley started crying and turning away from everyone, “God how stupid was I to think anyone understood and was okay with Catie and I being together. I can’t do this anymore.”
Jeremy hugged her and whispered something, then motioned to me to follow them. “We’re going to help her pack, everyone just hold for a sec,” he said as the four of us walked to the bus, “Listen, I agree we all need a break from the tour. But, you and Catie belong together…”
“Really,” I asked, wrapping my arms around her from behind. She was shaking.
“Yes. The time off will give us time to work on a new album and get you two some alone time. We actually came up with the plan,” Taylor laughed.
The plan was actually the best thing Hayley and I had right now, as a last resort idea to be together and make everything exactly how it’s supposed to be. We needed to be together, regardless of anything else. It’d only be 3 weeks before I’d see her again and by then everything would be how it’s supposed to be. I’d break up with Charlotte, pack up, fly to Nashville, and drive to Franklin, making it all a big surprise for Hayley. All of this work was because I fucking loved her and wanted to make our relationship work. We were meant to be together, there was no denying it. And, we were going to prove to the world that this is meant to happen.
3 weeks later…
I woke up in my grandma’s cabin on the edge of Franklin, a bit anxious to start writing lyrics and melodies. I felt absolutely depressed and buried in stress. The separation anxiety between Catie and I was so hard for me to deal with, because I couldn’t talk about it yet. Slowly, everyone was adjusting to the new me and the whole being in love with a girl thing… but I was still scared after everything that happened with my family and the band. I was still confused about how Taylor and Jeremy felt, because I haven’t talked to them for a week. In the end, I didn’t think any of this would work out, but I wasn’t letting it all go down without a hard fight. I loved Catie, and the whole world knew, and I was going to use music to make everything better and show everyone that I never lied about anything. I was evolving into a new person, a happier person, and I just couldn’t let anyone get in the way of that.
I sat in the middle of the bed, still in my long Stone Sour shirt and nothing else. I stared at the blank page of notebook paper in front of me, and I started remembering everything I’d thought and dreamt about while we were apart. I thought about Josh and Zac trying to sabotage the band and my life, I thought about how everyone talked about Catie when they didn’t even know her. This song’s purpose was to show that I will do anything for Catie and my band. Paramore and Catie was all I had, besides a family who just misunderstood the entire situation. And, I thought about the kiss that started this whole thing. All of that was going into this song.
“Hayley,” Holly said, walking into my room. She was my incredibly adorable 5 year old cousin. My aunt and uncle were killed in a car wreck when she was 3, so my mom took care of her. But, I always secretly wanted to steal her. “Whatcha doing?” She sat on the edge of the bed, looking up at me.
“I’m writing a song… but it’s not easy,” I said, picking her up as she giggled.
“How come? You always write good!”
“There’s too much on my mind I guess,” I held her as she snuggled into me.
“You need a nap then!”
I laughed, “You sound like my mom!! Alrighty then, let’s try it.”
I drove down the dirt road with my heart pounding out my chest. I’ve waited almost 4 weeks to be with the woman of my dreams who I was completely in love with. She was all I thought about the entire time and the reason I made it through the hardest time of my life. I’d talked to Jeremy, and then her mom, and everyone was slowly warming up to me, and Hayley being gay. Her mom was the only one who knew I was coming today, because it had to be a surprise. I couldn’t wait to kiss her. I couldn’t wait to hold her. I couldn’t wait to look at her and tell her I loved her. I needed to do this more than anything in my life. I wanted to live with her, take her on dates, spend time with her family and friends, and completely emerge myself into her life and make it OUR life. I was in love with her and I was going to tell her. It was unbelievable, but I was here. I stood in front of the beautiful red wood cabin, realizing the only thing keeping me from her now was a door haha.
I knocked and waited a bit, before the door opened and her mom was there smiling, “I’ve been waiting for you to get here,” she hugged me. “Welcome to the family.” Wow I did not expect that. “She’s in her old room in the back, go get her!”
“Thank you so much for everything,” I said quickly before running to the back, dodging little kids left and right. There was a little girl sneaking out of her room, smiling at me.
She giggled cutely, making me smile haha, “Shhh she’s sleeping now!”
“Aww I won’t wake her up! I promise. I’m Catie,” I said kneeling in front of her.
She giggled again and hugged me, “I’m Holly! She won’t shut up about you!”
“Awww really? Well thank you Holly, I’m going to go see her now, I haven’t seen her in 4 weeks!”
“That’s awful!” She hugged me again, and then ran off. 2nd cutest girl I’ve ever met.
I walked into the room as quiet as I could. Hayley was curled up on the bed, cuddled into a pillow. She wore the Stone Sour shirt I sent her awhile back and nothing else. She looked so adorable and beautiful and sexy all at the same time. I kicked off my shoes and lay beside her. She was facing away from me so I cuddled up around her and held her as tight as I could. Her shirt slid up a bit, making it hard to focus on the cuddling. Her skin made me weak and tense up a bit, probably from wanting to touch it so bad. She made things worse by pressing back against me and saying my name, which almost made me lose control, but I didn’t want to wake her.
I held her for another hour, trying not to fall asleep myself. Instead, I pressed against her closer and started kissing all over her head and the side of her face. I laughed when she made the cutest grunt I’ve ever heard in her sleep. She turned over and pressed into me, resting her hands on my chest. God she looked so ridiculously beautiful. I stared at her, endlessly, never wanting this day to end.
When she woke up, she looked up at me and grabbed my face quickly, pulling it down to hers. She kissed me hard and deep, breathing hard and hardly at all. I slid my arms down to her hips, wrapping them around her and pulling her close to me. She kept kissing me, harder and harder as she ran her hands up and down the front of my body. It felt incredible and exactly how I’d imagined it for weeks.
She pulled away and laughed, “I’m sorry… I couldn’t help it,” she cuddled into me.
“Stop apologizing for kissing my face off! I loved it,” I kissed her forehead.
“I missed you so much,” she whispered, rubbing my back slowly.
“God I missed you too. The plan worked, and I didn’t think I could get that lucky haha.”
“Me either, but we did and now we can do everything we’ve ever wanted,” she smiled and kissed me, “After I get some food,” she laughed and got away from me, grinning.
“Do you have to be so fucking evil!?”
“Yes I do, it keeps you in line,” she said while putting on shorts. Oh god, I was dying.
“But yet you dress in front of me,” I said coming up behind her as she took her shirt off. I wrapped my arms around her waist, sliding my fingers slightly under her waist band.
“You have to wait till tonight,” she said, running around and kissing me softly.
“I’m sorry,” I said kissing her again, “I just can hardly control it right now.”
“Just till after the kids go to sleep, okay baby? I promise,” she hugged me and kissed me again.
“Alright, I’ll keep my hands to myself until then” I said laughing and pulling away from her.
“I didn’t say we had to do that,” she giggled and grabbed my hips, kissing me deeper this time.
“Good then I can carry you around,” I picked her up and held her close before taking her out of the room.
The whole day was a bit hard to get through with the fact that all I could think about was being inside of her all night tonight. But, it was actually really fun to hang out with her and meet the family some more. It was normal, something I wasn’t ever used to, and I really liked it. It felt like home, maybe just because Hayley was here, but I felt so happy and uncensored here, which I’ve never had even with my own fucked up family. This family loved everyone and was finally welcoming me into it. This is exactly what I wanted.
I found myself staring off into space, replaying Hayley’s words in my head over and over, because I needed proof that it was real. I needed to convince myself it wasn’t just a dream, that this girl was actually asking me out on a date and that she was completely serious about it. I had to see her and not just talk to her, because there was a huge ass fucking wrench in the entire motion of us going out. And that wrench was Charlotte. I wasn’t the type to cheat… but what if it saved my life. What if Hayley was going to free me from it all? We were both bound to something, and it wasn’t fucking fair for either of us. I knew it was cheating and it was technically wrong, but it felt so right. I was ripping my hair out with how bad I needed to just tell her how I felt. But, neither of us was ready for it.
“Um I’d love to come,” I said, shaking off the nerves.
She sighed, “Oh thank god, I thought you were going to say no…”
“I should, but I can’t say no.”
She paused, “What?”
“I have a girlfriend… it’s a long story,” I was so fucking afraid that I blew the entire thing. I wanted to cry haha, fuck.
“I’m coming over now, don’t go anywhere,” she sounded excited.
“We need to talk about this, I want to know the long story and I want to know what I can do to help.”
“Wow, you’re actually amazing haha.”
“Shut up,” she hung up.
That is not how I expected her to react, at all. She couldn’t stop blowing me away for two seconds, even if she tried. When she came on to our bus, she tackled me in a hug and wrapped her arms around my neck.
“What’s this for,” I asked laughing from the amazing surprise.
“Because I know how you feel Catie, and I want to help because I want to see where this goes…”’
We sat down on the couch and I told her everything about Charlotte, which wasn’t easy to do. I could tell Hayley tensed up when I told her Charlotte was an abusive alcoholic that I got stuck living with and that I didn’t know how to get away from her besides touring and the band. Hayley was the easiest person to talk to for me now, because she listened attentively and didn’t over react. It felt fucking incredible to tell her how I felt about all of it, but there was obviously more I needed to say.
“I want you to be my girlfriend, no matter what happens with Charlotte,” I said, almost whispering because I was so damn nervous.
She hugged me, pulling my head against her shoulder, “I will be.”
“You look amazing today, by the way,” I pulled away and checked her out. Oh god.
She giggled and fell against me, “You’re so cute.”
“Shut up! You’re adorable,” I pulled her into my lap.
“You think we can hide this from the world,” she asked, laughing and looking up at me with her head against my shoulder.
“We can try our damndest. Now go, I’ve got sound check.”
She smiled and hugged me quickly, “I’ll see you later Catie,” she kissed my cheek, making me blush like an idiot.
The guys laughed at me the entire sound check, because I’ve probably never smiled this much in front of them. Eventually I would tell them what happened, but I wasn’t ready. The surprise of it all made me extremely high and made everything so much easier. I’d felt like a large weight drop off of me, and that was mostly because of Hayley’s clothes today. I couldn’t wait to see what she was wearing tonight. Obviously this sound check ended quickly, because I was way too fucking distracted to come up with any good ideas. But, eventually the whole thing would inspire me to write more. Right now, I was just so obsessed with her, I had to text her.
“Hey, what you wearing tonight,” I asked her. The wait for her reply killed me.
I freaked out when she replied, “Wouldn’t you like to know ;).”
“Don’t get like that with me! I just want to match with you!”
“That’d be cool. I’m wearing a black dress with a red and yellow belt and red high heels.”
Oh god. “You can’t wear that…”
“LOL why not?”
I walked into a wall while in the process of replying to her. Jim got the attention of the whole band crew and everyone started laughing. “Because I just walked into a wall cus of you…”
It took her longer to reply this time. “Ohmygod LOL! You’re hilarious! I miss you L.”
“Only 1 hour till the date! No frowning!!!”
“I can’t wait.”
I got light headed again, feeling like I was on fire, “I can’t either. It’ll be amazing.”
I couldn’t stop thinking about her for the entire hour. I was seriously falling for Hayley faster than I thought was possible. Tonight, I had to kiss her. I didn’t have any other choice, because it was the only thing I could think about now. Hayley wasn’t just some girl I was going to date, she was my future and my hero. Nothing would ever change that either, not even the whole world. I dressed nice, in all black to at least match with her somewhat. No one asked why I was dressing up, and that was a good thing. We weren’t ready for anyone to know, especially Hayley. I wanted to respect her and practically treat her like a queen, because she deserved it.
I took a taxi over to the place where the dinner was. Apparently, some management was going to be there, which worried me because it could get in the way of the date and meeting Taylor and Jeremy as well. But, business was part of the music and I respected that. I was just being territorial with Hayley. I wanted her all to myself, and I’ve never felt like that before. Hopefully, everything goes perfect like it should.
“Catie,” she yelled, squeaking a bit before she hugged me.
I looked down at her dress and how amazing it hung off of her perfect body. “You look fucking amazing,” I whispered as I hugged her really tight.
“You always look amazing,” She whispered and pulled away, “This is Taylor and that’s Jeremy!”
“Haha it’s awesome to meet you guys. You kick ass on stage!”
“Haha thanks,” Taylor said, “Hayley’s been obsessed with you for like 6 years now.”
“Wow,” I looked at her, “Really?”
She blushed and nodded before smacking Taylor, “Shut up! Let’s go eat.”
I hadn’t been on a date for a really long time, and certainly didn’t remember it being this amazing. I got along with everyone here and we all had a lot to talk about, but to be honest, I couldn’t stop staring at Hayley. I’d never seen something so amazing in my life. She was seriously getting more and more beautiful every time I saw her, and it was getting harder to hold back. I’d never felt like this before, and I think it was because I loved her. But everything was so shrouded by everything else; I didn’t know what I should feel.
This is the most fun I’ve had in my entire life. Catie’s sense of humor was killing me and making me laugh like an idiot in front of everyone, but I didn’t care. Another thing I noticed was how we couldn’t avoid staring at each other. It was seriously like a normal date, just way more fun with her than anyone else. There was no tension or awkwardness between us or the crew, and that was a clear sign no one would fit into this better than Catie. It was actually kinda perfect, and I wasn’t surprised.
Catie needed to break up with Charlotte, for so many reasons. Charlotte was not good enough or right for Catie. She deserved SO much better and it killed me to think about how she wasn’t treated right. I wanted to make her life better and take care of her, because I loved her more than anyone else could. Catie kept me head over heels all the time now, and nothing could get in the way of it. Because I just couldn’t let it. She was a part of my life now and she had to know that.
We walked out to the van that would take us back to the venue to get ready for the show. Of course I sat by Catie in the very back. “That was amazing,” I said, leaning against her.
She smiled and wrapped her arms around me, “I loved it. We have to do it again sometime, like tomorrow night,” she laughed.
“Yesss, I vote we do it every night!”
“Hey, why don’t you sing the last song with me tonight?”
I couldn’t breathe, “Um wow, yes. Are you serious?” I can’t believe she even asked that.
She laughed and hugged me tighter, sliding her hand down to my waist, “Yes Hayley. I’ve always wanted to sing a duet with you!”
My jaw dropped, “Shit, let’s do it! The fans will freak! Which song?”
She grinned, “You’re favorite.”
I wanted to kiss her, so, so much. “I love you,” I whispered.
We were interrupted by a crowd of people near the gate to the buses, which got me freaking excited for this show. It was completely sold out and everyone was already going insane. It was going to be the best show yet so far, because tonight was the first night in a long time that I felt like my crazy ass self, and it felt amazing. I was so close to having the girl of my dreams as my girlfriend, and we were falling in love like some incredibly deep love story, but it was so much lighter hearted and easy than that. Catie was the reason why everything was getting easier and way more positive.
I was so nervous for the show tonight, specifically singing with Catie at the very end of the entire thing. I’ve sang the song before, blasting it in my car as I drove through Nashville to band practice. But, singing in on stage with her was going to be surreal and probably one of the most amazing things ever; besides telling her I loved her. Every amazing thing had to do with her now, which was ironic because she’s the most amazing person I’ve ever met.
Our set was fun as hell, especially since the crowd was absolutely going crazy. The three of us were getting more and more comfortable with just being a trio on stage and in the spotlight. We had probably the best support and influence on this tour. Everyone was some of our heroes and people we look up to. I never wanted this tour to end, ever. And it only got better when Stone Sour got on the stage. They’re definitely my favorite band to see live, ignoring the fact that Catie is the lead singer. I seriously couldn’t wait for the last song.
“Alright,” Catie said while everything quieted down. She walked over to center stage, strapping her guitar on. “We weren’t ever going to do this song live, but everyone insisted we play the motherfucker. So I need someone to help me out with this. Get the fuck out here!!”
The stage hand slipped the mic into my hand before I nervously jumped out on stage, trying not to trip. She started the intro on her own, making it hard for me not to faint or something incredibly embarrassing. Her voice was so amazing. Once it got to the chorus, everyone freaked out and there was this amazing vibe that I’ve never felt at any show in my life. At the end of the second verse, I came in with light backing vocals, scaring myself when we harmonized. Then, at the chorus it became so heavy and loud that all you could hear was us harmonizing and making our way to each other on the stage, which was the worst thing we could’ve done. Everyone was noticing that Catie and I weren’t just singing together, we were singing to each other on accident. We kept getting closer until we were singing at each other face to face, and every word started to become harder and harder to sing until the very last phrase of the outro, because we literally needed to kiss each other.
She grabbed my face, leaning forward quickly as she kissed me. The entire auditorium went silent, and neither of us cared. I knew this completely ruined keeping it a secret, but I figured if we already blew it, might as well just enjoy this incredible moment. We kissed harder, wrapping our arms around each other. We both smiled at the same time into the kiss, except I was starting to tear up a bit, just from relief of how bad I’ve wanted to do this for so long, and I didn’t want it to end anytime soon, and it didn’t. Jim pushed us off the stage as the crowd was painfully loud. Catie threw her guitar off and stared at me, inches away.
“I love you too,” she smiled before kissing me again.
“I love you more than you think,” I said grabbing her face.
The show was even more incredible than I expected. Paramore was honestly the best live band I’d ever seen, even better than Guns N Roses. I was sad it was over, but I was excited to hang out with them and maybe meet Zac and Josh if they had time. They always seemed busy and vacant. But, most of all I was ready to get to know Hayley more. I was definitely going to cling to her all night. Jake and Taylor got along very well too, it was cute and it made me happy for Jake.
Everyone jumped into the backstage once the band bid farewell to the crowd, and then we all moved to the dressing room. Everyone was hyped up and excited, not showing any signs of fatigue. Except for Josh, he was just standing there and watching, while texting and smiling. He was the shy guy, and I knew that, but I didn’t know quite what he was like. He was really different. But, my attention was directed towards Jake and Hayley coming up to me.
“Haha so what’s this bet you two made about me,” She asked laughing excitedly. She was so cute.
I blushed, “Jake said whoever talked to you first, gets 50 bucks. And I won, so pay up.”
She laughed, “That’s cute! So, Ima go change cuz I probably smell like a garbage can, then we’ll go to the hotel.”
“Haha sounds great Hayley!”
After she walked out, Jake turned to me, “You were checking her out weren’t you?”
“No.. I wouldn’t do that.”
“Then, you were thinking about her changing.”
He laughed, “Don’t get arrested alright?”
I hugged him. “Haha don’t worry! Now go have fun,” he walked over to the guys.
Rachel came up, “I think Elizabeth is breaking up with me.”
“She says I never do anything she wants to do and she hates my music,” she frowned.
“Then, she’s not worth it. Come here,” I said hugging her. She leaned her head against my shoulder.
“Thanks Catie, you’re so nice and understanding.”
When Hayley got back, I swear the whole room either went quiet or everything else became really important. She was stunning, like usually, but this was actually to the point of sexy. Her hair was up in a ponytail and she was wearing black tights with a black shirt over it, and a bright orange tank top to finish of the ridiculous outfit that was designed to kill me. And, I wasn’t into makeup but she did it perfectly to be absolutely jaw dropping. Everyone in the entirety of Ireland couldn’t compare to her at all.
Rachel got in the passenger seat of our car as she messed around on her blackberry silently. I drove, following the black van holding the band in it. I began to get more and more nervous as we got closer to the hotel. Then, it only got worse as it started to rain. God only knows how I could make a fool of myself amidst these amazingly accepting people.
The hotel was pretty commercial, which was expected because everywhere in Maine was pretty classical, but I loved it. A crowd of people were already waiting in the huge reserved conference room, but I wasn’t nervous even though I knew absolutely no one. I was happy that they had so many people here that cared about them. They deserve that so much. Now, I was fucking crazy for caring this much about 5 people I may never see again. It hurt to think about that, but it was something I had to prepare myself for.
“Hey everybody,” Hayley yelled excitedly, sounding a little squeaky. “We brought some new friends along too! They’re legit people so don’t be shy now!”
Jake bumped into Hayley and said, “Catie is a pretty awesome dancer.”
I blushed again. “Oh really now,” she said smiling at me. “I’ll have to test that soon then,” she said walking forward. “There’s not many people here I really know,” she said putting her head down.
“Really? I’m sorry,” that made me sad. “But, hey I’m here and Rachel and Jake. Don’t worry too much. It doesn’t mean no one here likes you.”
She smiled, “Gosh you’re really sweet. Alright, come on. Let’s go eat!”
The four of us stayed together like a pack and sat together at a four seated table. It was a whole new level of perfection that I never, ever saw coming. We all meshed perfectly, but I never expected Hayley to want to be so close. Our elbows were touching at the table and she didn’t even mind. To be honest and super cliché, I loved it too much for my own good. She made me really happy.
“OH DUDE this is my jam,” Hayley said as a Katy Perry song came on. It was my favorite as well. “Alright come on so Jake stops pushing me out of my chair,” she said looking at me and yanking on my arm. I glared at Jake, then looked back at her, avoiding full eye contact, because who knows what would happen then. He smiled and nodded in approval.
“Fineee, it can’t hurt,” I said getting up with her.
“Oh I wouldn’t be to sure about that,” she laughed cutely.
First off, we kinda stood there awkwardly for a few seconds, and then I decided to do something stupid and go for it. I grabbed her hand, pulling her against me, and then she followed and spun out with the movement of my arm perfectly. “Seee, you aren’t that bad!” Then during the chorus, everything and everyone in the crowd began jumping in sync, like everyone loved this song. It was truly incredible. She put her hands on my shoulders as we jumped together and laughed. God she was so incredible. Then, we ended up getting shoved forward from behind and the travesty began. I fell forward, slowly seeing my face bash into some guys ring. Hayley landed next to me, without injury, because I managed to catch her and absorb her weight into my body.
“Oh god your forehead is bleeding,” she said worried, brushing back my bangs. Oh my god.
I kept my composure. “I’m fine! Can’t say I didn’t expect any different.”
Then it was this very awkward moment of silence between us. We were lying on the floor, inches away from her, and her in my arms. I don’t even know where we were or why she wasn’t moving, but god I never wanted this to end. Nothing like this has ever happened without me convincing them. Her eyes are what mostly made me want to stay like this. Fuck, shut up Caitlin.
“Um so, I promise I’m okay,” I said laughing, in an embarrassingly girly tone.
Before I could convince her any different, she pulled me up and took me out of the crowd into the bathroom. I kind of like the feeling of her hand in mine. It felt natural, but still hesitant, leading me to believe there was something more there. Shut the fuck up Caitlin, I thought. I am going insane, it’s confirmed.
“It’s a pretty good cut,” she said frowning as she cleaned it. She was actually really gentle, surprisingly.
“It’s fine! It doesn’t even hurt.”
“At least I didn’t get you killed,” she smiled and reached up, blowing on the cut. She couldn’t really make me want to kiss her anymore than she already has. I wished I could.
“Im fine Hayley, really. Let’s go find Jake, just in case he didn’t see us leave.”
“How do you have the guts to you know, be his mom,” she said as we slowly walked out together.
“I don’t know. Sometimes I feel like I’m not good enough, but haha that’s why I’m trying to find a partner who is… but it’s not going well.”
“Yeah haha I bet a lot of girls around here are stupid then?”
“Yes, so I try to go with out of state ones, but they’re just not my type. Business women have thongs so far up their ass they just want someone to take it off of them.”
She cracked up, gasping for air, making me laugh with her, ‘That is so true! Just be patient, you’ll find her,” she smiled, looking at me from the side.
I smiled back, “For now, I’m pretty happy with where I’m at.”
It was true, I haven’t smiled this much for years. I don’t fucking know why the hell she was willing to hang around me this much. It was odd for anyone, let alone Hayley Williams. Now, there was something telling me that it was going to stay like this. If I didn’t have a personality flip and ruin what was going on in the first place. Once we got in the room, Jake motioned me to come see him. I let Hayley follow me, because she sure as hell wasn’t leaving my side.
“Hey Jake, what’s up,” I asked, noticing he looked a little panicked.
“We have a problem,” he said pointing out into the crowd. It was Greg.
“Ahh fuck. What do we do?”
“I need some air,” Hayley said walking out.
At this point I decided to go find Rachel. She was sitting at the table, sipping a glass of wine, looking down like before. I walked over, pushing my way through the crowd kindly to get over there. At this time, I felt bad for Rachel, and I wanted to help. But, I didn’t even know where to start. She was smarter and older than me, advice was pointless. Maybe I could at least let her have some fun.
“How are you doing?” I asked Rachel as I sat next to her.
“Been better actually, but very excited for my new job,” she said smiling.
Business women avoid the pain because they put their job first, “Well that’s good you have something to look forward to.”
“So do you,” she said pointing towards the front door quickly. Hayley was walking in from outside. It surprised me how much everyone pushed us together, and we seemed to gravitate to each other. First day and she was already my best friend. I hoped I could be the same for her.
“Hey,” she said sitting down, looking tired.
“You going to go sleep soon,” Rachel asked.
“Yeah. Not excited to sleep in my bunk tonight,” she said laughing.
“Well, would you guys like to have a sleepover,” I asked nervously. There’s no way in fucking hell this woman would say yes.
“Yes! I’m down,” Hayley yelled excitedly.
When did I die and go to fucking heaven? I was floored with her reply. I acknowledged it, keeping my cool, and then went to find Jake. He’d probably be even more surprised than I was, but definitely in a good way haha. I finally found him on the dance floor, surprisingly slow dancing with Jenny. It was probably one of the most amazingly cute things I’ve ever seen. They really fit together, even though they were only thirteen year olds. Hayley then came up beside me. we smiled at each other as we were looking at them. She then took my hand, pulling me with her through the other people on the floor. She wrapped her arms around my neck and pressed against me. I wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her closer.
“Um, I’m sorry,” she said pulling away and biting her lip.
“No it’s fine.. I’ll go get Jake.”
Whatever happened at that moment was something more than just a friend thing. There was this undeniable spark between us that seemed to resonate through my whole body. Hayley was hesitant, but I wasn’t. I don’t know what all of her actions meant, but I wasn’t going to give up on finding out. The rest of the night would be another good chance to see more of what she was really like. I just knew I wasn’t able to let this go. No one has ever been like this with me, and Jake. It was too much of a change for all of us for me to just let it pass. And, I couldn’t even do that now, because if this continued, I knew that there was no other outcome but falling for Hayley.
Hesitate Chapter 1- The Start of It All I’m Caitlin and truth be told, I was not the best I could be and sometimes lied my way out of a situation of life. It was always hard for me, but after my two best friends died in a car accident I was left with their house in Maine and their little boy Jake, who was assigned as my God child. I was surprised how much they trusted me. Lately I’ve felt like a failure, He’s been acting up as a normal 13 year old boy, but it was unexpected. After two years, I was getting better at looking after him, but I needed a partner. And, we needed our family to grow and change. So, I was going to do it on my own. “You think you can be alright on your own,” I ask him, putting on my overcoat. It was cold in Maine at this time of year, almost all year to be honest. “Caitie, I’m thirteen! I’ll be fine, you go on,” he said encouragingly. “You think I can meet the girl to get us out of here,” I ask smiling. “If you don’t lie this time.” He crushed me when he mentioned that. Ever since my best friend, his mother, passed, I’ve developed insecurities and a lying problem to be honest. I’ve chased many people away on accident because of it. But, every time I try to be truthful about something, it just turns into a lie to make them like me. It was the only way I could get through to anyone now. I’ve lost myself in the whole thing. But, it was better this way. A simple life is all I wanted. But, Jake deserved more. I walked into the bar, where I obviously didn’t fit in. All of these people were successful, well like, genuine, and rich. I was intimidated, but knew I could pull through and pretend I was all of these things. For Jake, I’d do anything. Obviously, even ruin someone else’s life by dragging them into mine. At least then, I wouldn’t fail at keeping Jake alive like I did with everything else. There was a brunette sitting at a table, with some other people, and I recognized them all, but especially her. There was something familiar about her. Like, I’ve seen her somewhere else, many places in fact. It was like me to block everyone else in the world out, but she was hard to do that with. I just couldn’t for the life of me remember her name. I wanted to physically hurt myself at this point, because of how beautiful she was. I walked up nervously, but kept my composure, “Hey, you seem familiar. Do I know you?” She turned to me and smiled beautifully, “Maybe from movies. My name is Rachel Thompson,” She had an incredible English accent.. “Wow. I am honored, I am a huge fan of your movies actually,” I remembered one, wow. I was now excited. “Thank you! This is my girlfriend, Elizabeth,” she said smiling. “I’m Caitlin, it’s amazing to meet you both,” I felt like passing out. “Nice to meet you. Sit down,” Elizabeth said kindly. Holy fuck, Italian accent. I sat down next to Rachel as she smiled and turned to me. “So, what do you do?” “Well, close to nothing. I take care of my God Child and write songs for commercial agencies, very boring,” I laughed. Rachel laughed, “That’s not boring. It’s different! How old is your God child?” “No, they died actually.” I kept talking as long as Rachel kept asking questions. The surprising and terrifying thing was, I didn’t lie to her. Everything came out easy. We flowed together and kept talking, ignoring everything around us. She was incredibly intrigued by my life, but not as much as I was by her. “Me stanco. Possiamo ora andare,” Elizabeth beautifully spoke in Italian, it could’ve been a Martian language for all I know. “Ahh Catie, we have to go. I’m sorry,” she frowned, and then spoke to Elizabeth in Italian. “We’ll be here for awhile though, here is my number,” she smiled, writing it down. “Let’s meet again sometime.” “I’d love that,” I smiled, feeling quite out of it to be honest. I couldn’t believe this happened. It wasn’t actually happening to be honest. She’d never answer or see me again. She’d easily forget me, just like the rest of them. She was beautiful, smart, funny, interesting, and interested in my life. But she was 10 years older than me and had no spark of childishness, no fun, and no big heart. Business women weren’t my type. She was a good friend though, but I still wasn’t going to let myself think it’s here to stay. Nothing ever does. Still, I tried to keep positive and focus on the good feeling she left me with. I went home reluctantly after only one drink. The party was stupid and droll, no one else interesting could really be found in Maine, even when they come from out of state. Jake was curled up on the couch, covered in the blanket his grandmother had made for him. I tucked him in, kissing his head. I loved this kid, for so many reasons. He always made me feel better and more accomplished than before. Except, he has a habit of speaking the truth, and the truth fucking hurts. But, I knew he was always right about me. He knew me better than anyone. Now I was glad to be home, after all. I flopped over onto my bed, feeling hyped up. Meeting new people always did this, but there was something quite different about this. I felt a little anxious, with some hope that I usually didn’t possess. It hardly made sense at all to me. So, now the waiting game began I guess. Waiting for what, I never know. But, I was certainly too riled up to sleep or lay in the same place. I got up and went into the living room, sitting in the arm chair near the couch where Jake slept. My phone buzzed, scaring me as I tried to shush it up, but it flew out of my hands right into Jake’s head. We both laughed. He opened it and read the text, “Rachel? Who’s that,” he said raising his eye brow. “Holy shi.. wow you met her?!” “Watch your language! Yes I did,” I smiled, “She has a girlfriend though. Now give me the phone!” He tossed it to me. It said “Hello Caitlin! Tomorrow night Elizabeth and I are attending a concert, we have an extra ticket!” “Let me see who it is.” I then asked her. “Paramore. You like them?” she texted back I felt like a fucking loser now, “I’ve never heard them,” I texted back. “Jake, do you know who Paramore is?” He laughed, “You don’t know who Paramore is? You’d love them!” he said not believing I didn’t know who they were. Jake and I huddled in front of his laptop as he showed me a music video from this year, 2007. Wow this chick was hot, bad first judgment but it was true. Then, when the music stared, I thought my ears were going to explode. There sound was one of the most powerful sounds I’ve ever heard in my life. each instrument was as dynamic as the up and downs of the tone. It was a new level of perfection was music, and I was fucking addicted and in love. “Tell me everything,” I demanded as he smiled and nodded. Jake knew music way better than I did, but he also sounded obsessed with this band. When I said everything, I didn’t know it’d be literally everything known to fucking man about this band. But, Christ I was so intrigued with their story and personalities, more than any girl I’ve ever met to be honest. This band hit a spot with me, and I wasn’t sure why. But, now I was even more excited about tomorrow. I got up to send Jake off to school. He was unexpectedly quiet for having an amazing time together last night, but I wasn’t going to say anything. Asking too many questions would be only making it worse. Next Morning “I’ll bring Hayley home with me tonight alright,” I said winking as he ate his cereal. He smiled, “You two would be a great couple.” I spit my water out from surprised, then busted out with laughter, “You think?” “Yeah, you’d be better than Greg..” “Greg, her boyfriend,” I raised an eyebrow. “Then he doesn’t deserve her… What’d I say about language?” “Yes in fact I am!” Jake and I blasted Paramore all the way to his school, so I could learn the words before the concert tonight. Truthfully, this band brought us closer together. All awkwardness with conversations was disappearing and he was much more open with me. I had to take him to the concert tonight, for him more than me. But, it was definitely making things easier on me. And, Rachel wanted to meet him anyway. This benefitted everyone. I got home, stealing both of Jake’s Paramore albums and putting the first one in. New inspiration= better work and more money for Jake and I. Today it seems like I had new inspiration for everything, a new fire for everything. It wasn’t Rachel, the date thing, or Jake’s and I closeness building for that matter. It was Paramore, and the concert would only increase it. I really had no idea what I was in for.
“Well, thank you,” I said awkwardly, “He’s thirteen, the danger age.”
“Ahh,” she nodded, “Must be difficult then. No parents?”
I grinned, “Rachel Thompson.”
“Show me then so you can stop laughing at me!”
“Yup, he’s a dick,” he said laughing.
Jake laughed, “Jealous much?”
Chapter 1- The Start of It All
I’m Caitlin and truth be told, I was not the best I could be and sometimes lied my way out of a situation of life. It was always hard for me, but after my two best friends died in a car accident I was left with their house in Maine and their little boy Jake, who was assigned as my God child. I was surprised how much they trusted me. Lately I’ve felt like a failure, He’s been acting up as a normal 13 year old boy, but it was unexpected. After two years, I was getting better at looking after him, but I needed a partner. And, we needed our family to grow and change. So, I was going to do it on my own.
“You think you can be alright on your own,” I ask him, putting on my overcoat. It was cold in Maine at this time of year, almost all year to be honest.
“Caitie, I’m thirteen! I’ll be fine, you go on,” he said encouragingly.
“You think I can meet the girl to get us out of here,” I ask smiling.
“If you don’t lie this time.”
He crushed me when he mentioned that. Ever since my best friend, his mother, passed, I’ve developed insecurities and a lying problem to be honest. I’ve chased many people away on accident because of it. But, every time I try to be truthful about something, it just turns into a lie to make them like me. It was the only way I could get through to anyone now. I’ve lost myself in the whole thing. But, it was better this way. A simple life is all I wanted. But, Jake deserved more.
I walked into the bar, where I obviously didn’t fit in. All of these people were successful, well like, genuine, and rich. I was intimidated, but knew I could pull through and pretend I was all of these things. For Jake, I’d do anything. Obviously, even ruin someone else’s life by dragging them into mine. At least then, I wouldn’t fail at keeping Jake alive like I did with everything else.
There was a brunette sitting at a table, with some other people, and I recognized them all, but especially her. There was something familiar about her. Like, I’ve seen her somewhere else, many places in fact. It was like me to block everyone else in the world out, but she was hard to do that with. I just couldn’t for the life of me remember her name. I wanted to physically hurt myself at this point, because of how beautiful she was.
I walked up nervously, but kept my composure, “Hey, you seem familiar. Do I know you?”
She turned to me and smiled beautifully, “Maybe from movies. My name is Rachel Thompson,” She had an incredible English accent..
“Wow. I am honored, I am a huge fan of your movies actually,” I remembered one, wow. I was now excited.
“Thank you! This is my girlfriend, Elizabeth,” she said smiling.
“I’m Caitlin, it’s amazing to meet you both,” I felt like passing out.
“Nice to meet you. Sit down,” Elizabeth said kindly. Holy fuck, Italian accent.
I sat down next to Rachel as she smiled and turned to me. “So, what do you do?”
“Well, close to nothing. I take care of my God Child and write songs for commercial agencies, very boring,” I laughed.
Rachel laughed, “That’s not boring. It’s different! How old is your God child?”
“No, they died actually.”
I kept talking as long as Rachel kept asking questions. The surprising and terrifying thing was, I didn’t lie to her. Everything came out easy. We flowed together and kept talking, ignoring everything around us. She was incredibly intrigued by my life, but not as much as I was by her.
“Me stanco. Possiamo ora andare,” Elizabeth beautifully spoke in Italian, it could’ve been a Martian language for all I know.
“Ahh Catie, we have to go. I’m sorry,” she frowned, and then spoke to Elizabeth in Italian. “We’ll be here for awhile though, here is my number,” she smiled, writing it down. “Let’s meet again sometime.”
“I’d love that,” I smiled, feeling quite out of it to be honest. I couldn’t believe this happened. It wasn’t actually happening to be honest. She’d never answer or see me again. She’d easily forget me, just like the rest of them.
She was beautiful, smart, funny, interesting, and interested in my life. But she was 10 years older than me and had no spark of childishness, no fun, and no big heart. Business women weren’t my type. She was a good friend though, but I still wasn’t going to let myself think it’s here to stay. Nothing ever does. Still, I tried to keep positive and focus on the good feeling she left me with.
I went home reluctantly after only one drink. The party was stupid and droll, no one else interesting could really be found in Maine, even when they come from out of state. Jake was curled up on the couch, covered in the blanket his grandmother had made for him. I tucked him in, kissing his head. I loved this kid, for so many reasons. He always made me feel better and more accomplished than before. Except, he has a habit of speaking the truth, and the truth fucking hurts. But, I knew he was always right about me. He knew me better than anyone. Now I was glad to be home, after all.
I flopped over onto my bed, feeling hyped up. Meeting new people always did this, but there was something quite different about this. I felt a little anxious, with some hope that I usually didn’t possess. It hardly made sense at all to me. So, now the waiting game began I guess. Waiting for what, I never know. But, I was certainly too riled up to sleep or lay in the same place. I got up and went into the living room, sitting in the arm chair near the couch where Jake slept. My phone buzzed, scaring me as I tried to shush it up, but it flew out of my hands right into Jake’s head. We both laughed.
He opened it and read the text, “Rachel? Who’s that,” he said raising his eye brow.
“Holy shi.. wow you met her?!”
“Watch your language! Yes I did,” I smiled, “She has a girlfriend though. Now give me the phone!”
He tossed it to me. It said “Hello Caitlin! Tomorrow night Elizabeth and I are attending a concert, we have an extra ticket!”
“Let me see who it is.” I then asked her.
“Paramore. You like them?” she texted back
I felt like a fucking loser now, “I’ve never heard them,” I texted back. “Jake, do you know who Paramore is?”
He laughed, “You don’t know who Paramore is? You’d love them!” he said not believing I didn’t know who they were.
Jake and I huddled in front of his laptop as he showed me a music video from this year, 2007. Wow this chick was hot, bad first judgment but it was true. Then, when the music stared, I thought my ears were going to explode. There sound was one of the most powerful sounds I’ve ever heard in my life. each instrument was as dynamic as the up and downs of the tone. It was a new level of perfection was music, and I was fucking addicted and in love.
“Tell me everything,” I demanded as he smiled and nodded.
Jake knew music way better than I did, but he also sounded obsessed with this band. When I said everything, I didn’t know it’d be literally everything known to fucking man about this band. But, Christ I was so intrigued with their story and personalities, more than any girl I’ve ever met to be honest. This band hit a spot with me, and I wasn’t sure why. But, now I was even more excited about tomorrow.
I got up to send Jake off to school. He was unexpectedly quiet for having an amazing time together last night, but I wasn’t going to say anything. Asking too many questions would be only making it worse.
“I’ll bring Hayley home with me tonight alright,” I said winking as he ate his cereal.
He smiled, “You two would be a great couple.”
I spit my water out from surprised, then busted out with laughter, “You think?”
“Yeah, you’d be better than Greg..”
“Greg, her boyfriend,” I raised an eyebrow.
“Then he doesn’t deserve her… What’d I say about language?”
“Yes in fact I am!”
Jake and I blasted Paramore all the way to his school, so I could learn the words before the concert tonight. Truthfully, this band brought us closer together. All awkwardness with conversations was disappearing and he was much more open with me. I had to take him to the concert tonight, for him more than me. But, it was definitely making things easier on me. And, Rachel wanted to meet him anyway. This benefitted everyone.
I got home, stealing both of Jake’s Paramore albums and putting the first one in. New inspiration= better work and more money for Jake and I. Today it seems like I had new inspiration for everything, a new fire for everything. It wasn’t Rachel, the date thing, or Jake’s and I closeness building for that matter. It was Paramore, and the concert would only increase it. I really had no idea what I was in for.