I was standing in the airport, thinking over everything a thousand times. I was scared out of my mind to go home after everything that’s happened between my family and if. To be honest, I just wanted them to move on and see how happy and in love I am. I wish more than anything that everyone could just get along again and they’d trust Hayley. Right now, she was probably one of the most misunderstood people, which makes no sense because she’s amazing. Besides all of that, I was more worried and scared about leaving her. I knew she’d be fine… but I had no idea if I could.
What if I couldn’t handle it? What if it killed me to be away from her for like 3 weeks? I wish that I could take her with me and show her off to my entire family. It’d certainly prove how amazing she is. Fuck, now I was really questioning leaving, but it had to be done, because I had to stay in Nashville, but it runs out, amazingly, Nashville was coming with me…
This crazy ass girl that I’ve fallen head over heals in love with, casually stands next to me with a suitcase and a plane ticket, looking busy and like she’d been there the whole time. My god I love her. I started laughing uncontrollably, and so did she. I think we were laughing because, one we’re immature, and two we were fucking excited. This was really happening.
“I should’ve known you wouldn’t let me leave, “I smiled.
“Not by yourself anyway, I refuse to be away from you for that long!”
“I agree. I was just having second thoughts about leaving,” I said before turning to her and hugging her.
She cuddled into me, “Good thing I’m going then, and it’ll go a lot faster.”
“Thank god,” I kissed her head.
“This is all part of your plan isn’t it,” she laughed, pulling away.
“Nah, I didn’t have one… until now,” I grinned.
She grabbed onto my arm and jumped up and down, “Tell me!”
“You’ll find out soon enough.”
My plan involved sneaking in and out of my parent’s house and driving to my aunt’s house for the weekend. Simple enough right? Nope. There was way more to it than that. I knew this is the weekend I had to make something happened, before tour sucked up all our time and energy. And, I know she didn’t want me to do anything, but fucking hell, would you sit on your ass waiting for something to magically happen to get you and the girl of your dreams together? Fuck that. I was too in love with her for that, and obviously romantic. My plan would surprise her, but still be subtle. I was excited, and couldn’t wait.
“Why’d you come exactly,” I asked as we sat on the plane.
“I had to. I couldn’t let you go alone, and I didn’t want to be without you for three weeks,” she said, resting her head on the edge of my shoulder. She smelled amazing, as always.
“I didn’t either, but I thought there wasn’t any other way. I thought we’d be fine apart, and like we’d be able to move on with our lives. But, we couldn’t even stand the thought of it,” I laughed.
“Why’d you think I could be alright if you just left like that though?”
“I don’t know. I guess I see how close you and the guys are, and I thought the tour and all of your work stuff would be more important.”
“You obviously don’t know how important you are to me,” she said, sliding up and kissing my cheek. “I couldn’t even be alone with Josh… it was creepy!”
I laughed, “Why is it creepy?”
“Cuz he may still like me!”
“I’ll kill him.” I said seriously.
“Ooooo is someone jealous?!”
“Jealous, not anymore,” I shrugged, “But I am protective.”
“You’re sweet,” she smiled and latched onto my arm again.
As usual, Hayley fell quickly asleep, cuddled up against my side. She looked so adorable, especially today, but that was probably just because I was falling in love with her even more. It was perfect timing, even if neither of us had planned a damn thing out fully. It really was supposed to happen this way; I’m absolutely convinced that we’re meant to be together. If we weren’t, why is fate doing everything possible to get us together? It was obvious to me, but I worried about how Hayley felt, and I hoped this weekend would change her mind.
I woke up just as we landed, because the plan wasn’t exactly the smoothest or largest plane, which somehow I slept on. Hayley looked really tired, so I wanted to get to the house as quickly as possible. Tonight, we were sleeping in my bed together. God how long have I dreamt and wanted that? Only Brandon would be able to tell you, and I hope he doesn’t tell Hayley… that would be embarrassing, but at least she might think it was cute, maybe.
“I have no idea where we’re going,” Hayley said, sounding absolutely adorable.
“Home first. We’ll sleep there for the night and pack up and go to my Aunt’s.”
“Sounds perfect,” She grabbed my hand and smiled.
“Does it? Hmm… that’s good cuz you’re sleeping with me,” I grinned.
“Well where else would I want to sleep,” she laughed.
“Oh, well you could’ve told me sooner!”
“Well… I could’ve… but that would’ve ruined this entire romantic trip,” she said as we got in the taxi.
I smiled, “Who said that was the agenda?”
“I guess God did.”
“Guess that means I can do was I was just planning to do.”
She looked at me in the backseat, “I want you to.”
When Hayley said that, I instantly passed out from so many different feelings. It confirmed that she felt relatively the same for me as I did for her. And, she wasn’t hesitant about us anymore. This was an incredible step for us and our lives. From this weekend and on, we were always going to have each other. How did I know that? Because, trust me, I will never ever fucking let her go or do anything to lose her. And, I couldn’t fucking wait to tell her that. She needed that after all the band drama, and thinking that she wasn’t going to see me for almost a month. Still can’t believe I was that stupid, but fuck the past. Hayley wants me. Holy shit.
When we got to my house, we immediately snuck upstairs in the dark. Thankfully, I hadn’t forgotten the way to my room, because we probably would’ve tripped and killed ourselves. Luckily, the streetlight lit up my room a bit and we quickly got into it and started laughing as Hayley tripped over my foot.
“Haha luckily I didn’t hit your nose during the whole thing,” She whispered while laughing cutely.
“I know, it still hurts, you jerk!” Obviously I was kidding.
“Aww I’m sowwy,” she said pouting cutely, “You know, I could always kiss it better,” she said immediately changing tone, and wrapping her arms around my neck. I got really nervous at this point and nearly fell over just at the thought of it.
“You’re kidding right?”
She immediately stretched up and kissed me, hard, taking my fucking breath away instantly. I didn’t expect this at all, not even in my dreams. At first, I was just absolutely dumbfounded by incredible it felt. Her kissing me like this was so far the best thing that’s ever happened to me. After I stopped thinking, I started kissing back and wrapping my arms around her waist and pulling her against me. At first, the kissing was slow and no doubt the hardest I’ve ever kissed anyone in my life, but soon it started to become increasingly passionate, beyond anything I would’ve imagined. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t feel my legs, and all I could do is think about how much more I was falling in love with her right now. God is this really happening right now.
When we finally shoved ourselves away from each other, I had to get the first words in, “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that,” it barely came out due to lack of air.
She kissed me once again, “You definitely have no clue to how long I’ve wanted to kiss you Riley.”
“Then tell me,” I said smiling and picking her up and pulling her to my bed with me.
We instantly cuddled up, and she laid her head on my chest, “Remember the first time we slept on the couch together?”
I was surprised, “That soon?”
“Yeah, surprisingly. It’s never happened to me before. I mean, I certainly didn’t think it was possible to feel like this.”
“How do you feel?”
“I’m in love with you,” she said sitting up and looking at me.
“With me? Wow.”
“Yes you,” she smiled and leaned over kissing me and sliding her hands up to my neck.
“Good thing I’m in love with you too then,” I smiled before kissing her too.
The sun was literally coming up as we kept making out, not even noticing how long we’d been up, or giving a fuck. It was probably the most perfect way to start our relationship and break the ice of us being nervous. I was obviously still going to be a little nervous, but now I couldn’t hesitate or hold any feelings back. Now, I just had to face the reality of Hayley being my girlfriend and not fuck anything up, and that’s why I was nervous. Starting slow was the best thing I could do, but I had a feeling it’d be difficult, as Hayley wouldn’t stop kissing me. I could tell already, we’re going to be the most inseparable, lovey, charismatic, and deeply in love couple ever. This was the best day of my entire life.
Riley was absolutely the sweetest person ever. Kissing her changed my entire life in one second. I knew she was awesome, but she is incredible. The way she holds me and kisses me is indescribable. I’ve never had anything remotely close to anything like this, but I knew this is what being in love is supposed to be. Riley was definitely showing me and making me feel how she felt about me. I was happy now, more confident, and less worried about the things that are to come.
When I woke up, I felt majorly sleep deprived and dehydrated, but not even giving a damn, because Riley was still sleeping next to me. She was sleeping on her stomach, with her shirt slid up, which meant I was staring at her the whole time. I scooted over and pulled the blankets over us. I cuddled up against her and started rubbing her back. Her skin was incredibly soft, it was almost addicting. She started to wake up eventually, and weirdly, I got excited.
“Hey,” she said smiling and turning on her side, looking at me, “Sleep good?”
“Better than ever,” I said, cuddling up to her closer and tucking my arms under her shirt and resting my hands on her chest. God she was soft everywhere.
She held me, pressing me against her closer, “I love you, you know that?”
“I do now,” I smiled and reached up for her face, kissing her.
She pulled away and looked at me, “Today, you’re going to get annoyed from me reminding you.”
And just like that, we were kissing, again. I had a feeling the kissing wouldn’t stop for the next couple of weeks, but if she always kissed me like this, our control would fly out the freaking window. She had her arms tightly wrapped around my waist, her hands clutching my sides as we lay facing each other. She was kissing me, slowly alternating between kissing open and closed. It was slow of course and deep, but eventually, something insane came over us. I pushed her on her back and straddled her immediately, not even breathing or thinking as we started making out even harder. This was not some random act of a honeymoon stage… this was something I couldn’t even describe. God this is what real passion is.
Unfortunately for our brains and lungs, it did not stop there. She had her hands slowly sliding all over my body, like she practiced it in her head a thousand times. Her hands were soft and warm, and persistent on touching every single part of my body she could reach. She was now slacking on kissing as she ran her hands under my shirt up my back, then up my sides, slower this time. I could tell she was thinking about something.
“What are you thinking,” I asked staring at her.
She looked back at me and shook her head, “Nothing. It’s nothing, just good things.”
I smiled and put my forehead against hers, “No more secrets Riley.”
She grabbed my face and sat up, kissing me, “I just realized, I want to take this seriously and do this right. I really am so fucking in love with you, and I will do anything to have you, because I can’t be without you,” she said, quickly, but surely.
I couldn’t even begin to think of response as remotely beautiful as that. I started crying, because no one’s ever, ever said anything like that to me. It was every girls dream. A dream I sure as heck didn’t believe was real till now. “I love you, so fucking much,” I said before wrapping my arms around her neck and kissing her as hard as I could, “You make me speechless, and so many things I can’t even explain to you. I’m yours,” god it felt good to say that.
“We should probably get going,” She laughed.
“Yeah before we just make out forever!”
“Well I’d be fine with that,” she grinned and kissed me again.
Yup, today was the best day ever. Even though I was sleep deprived and possibly unaware of a lot of important things, I said and did everything I wanted to do to Riley… well almost everything I wanted to do haha, but that’s for later. It took us literally no time at all to pack everything she wanted. We were on some kind of speed or crack, because we went super stupid fast. It was awesome. Now the next challenge was meeting her confusing parents.
“Hey everyone, this is my girlfriend, Hayley,” Riley said, with the hugest smile on her face. However, we were the only ones smiling, besides her mom who was forced to stay quiet.
“So, how much is she paying you,” her dad asked me, thinking it was funny.
I was offended and not afraid to do something about it, “I don’t know what Riley did, but you should not be talking to her like that. She wants support and to prove that this is real. I mean, how is this your business anyways?”
He wasn’t happy, “You’re the reason she’s abandoned this family!”
“Maybe cause that’s what you’re supposed to do that when you’re an adult! Which is what she is and what she’s trying to be!”
“Hayley, it’s okay, let’s just go,” She whispered.
“Yeah, I don’t think this is worth it.”
I’ve never been so mad in my life. Her family has issues, like abandonment and trust issues. It seems like they’re too selfish to even see how happy Riley is and that we really are in love. When we got done loading the car, I wondered if we should just go home. I didn’t want Riley to get hurt, and Brandon already did that. I couldn’t let it happen again, because she deserves better. Her family is only going to hold her back, but I was kind of afraid of making it worse by telling her this.
I hugged her as we stood by the car, “Are you sure about this?”
“No. Not anymore, I kind of just want to forget and go home haha,” she sounded sad.
“I really think that’s for the best Riley.”
“I thought they’d change once they saw you, but they fucking didn’t. I just wanna be with you,” she said before kissing my forehead.
This made me smile, obviously, “You’re adorable. Let’s get out of here!”
“I like your bed better anyway haha.”
“I like you in any bed,” I winked before we got in the car.
“Oh god shut up, I’m the one driving!”
I laughed, “Oh that got to you?”
“You always get to me,” she said before kissing me.
“I’ll remember that!” She was quiet for awhile as she drove to the airport. I could tell she was thinking about something again, “What is it?”
“Nothing,” she smiled.
I shook my head, “Always planning something aren’t you?”“Maybe I am.”
Haha turns out; things weren’t so bad after all, right now anyway. This beautiful women was lying on top of me sleeping soundly as I was texting her best friend. Jeremy wanted to talk to me tonight, but his girlfriend just came to see him from London. So, we devised a surprise “date” for both of them, but I was going to tell Hayley so she would get a chance to put some decent clothes on, instead of just torturing me. She was wearing a hoodie over a cut off shirt and then boxer shorts that hung down way too low for my health. I could see her waist and hips, and sometimes her belly button when she stood up. It was ridiculous; I knew she did it on purpose because she laughed at my embarrassing reactions. Resisting Hayley was like resisting breathing.
When she woke up, she smiled and cuddled into me closer, giggling cutely. She tucked her head into my neck and wrapped her arms around it. Meaning her entire body was pressed against mine, and I was staring down the back of it. God she had the nicest ass, legs, back, and shoulders. Fuck you brain, fuck you right now.
“Who were you talking too,” she asked, laying her head on my shoulder.
“Jeremy. He wants to take Kat and us out to dinner tonight at around eight. I said that’d be amazing.”
“That sounds fun, nothing new besides you. Jeremy and I are always having sleep overs.
“Let’s do it then,” I smiled. Holy shit.
I was nervous as fuck now. It wasn’t a date or anything, of course, but it was a big deal, I mean going to Jeremy’s with Hayley and his girlfriend was pretty involved. Just the fact that they wanted me here made me insanely happy and honored. Whatever was going on between me and Hayley was probably normal for her, and I was okay with that. Being friends like this for now was amazing and good enough for me.
When she came out of the room, I don’t think I’ve ever felt so amazed in my entire life. She was cute, gorgeous, and sexy all at the same time. She was wearing a band t-shirt, a ridiculously short plaid skirt and black tights, and to top that off she wore high heels. Only Hayley could make something like that look so fucking incredible.
“I literally just threw shit on,” she said laughing and sitting next to me.
“Uh you look fucking amazing.”
“Aww thank you!”
“I’m serious, you’re fucking beautiful.”
She said nothing, probably because I said that a bit too much like I was getting serious, and I understood that. But, Hayley and I got closer to each other by the second, which meant so much to the both of us. We talked the whole way there about the first day we met and about Kat and Jeremy of course. I just couldn’t believe how incredible today was, regardless of anything else. She looked so happy, hyper, and like herself again, and that’s all that matters. Tonight was just getting better and better.
After I met Kat and we ate, Jeremy took me out in his backyard to talk. I was nervous, but I knew he and I got along good, and we were on the same side of things. To be honest, standing out here with him was great and all and made me feel like a part of the family, but I missed Hayley within ten minutes… but I was kinda glad she wasn’t out here, this would be dangerously romantic.
“Haha do you see the way she looks at you,” he asked, smiling and leaning against the deck railing.
“Hayley? Nah she doesn’t, that’s all me.”
“Nu uh, dude she gets this look. This blank, sexy, attack you look!”
I laughed, “You’ve had way too much coffee. Listen, there is something going on, but it’s just not the right time to make any moves yet.”
“Yeah I get it. You like her though?”
“Yes, a fucking lot. She’s amazing.”
“Well the whole crew likes you Riley. You’re a good partner for us… and Hayley haha.”
“I hope so. She’s more perfect than any girl I’ve ever met.”
“Aw how sweet,” he laughed and punched my arm, “I trust you with her, more than Josh haha.”
“Haha really? That’s good because he’s an ass.”
“Yeah. I think he’s overstayed in the band, because he’s over stepped his boundaries, too many times. And, he doesn’t think much of you, or Hayley anymore for that matter.”
“Why, because he thinks I’m changing her?”
“Exactly. I’ve about had it with him, and most of the Farros.”
Turns out, there was a lot going on behind our backs. Josh and Zac have basically boycotted us, and everyone who supports our friendship. Apparently, Hayley talked about me during a practice or a meeting, and they took it as we were already together and she cheated on Josh with me. They had it ALL fucking wrong in their heads like little school girls. It pissed me off. I hated the way the treated and didn’t trust in Hayley, after all these years. I couldn’t let it go on too much longer. Or their heads would become trophies.
Despite of wanting to kill Josh and Zac, the whole date was, indescribable. I can’t even tell you how many times I laughed till I cried, wanted to kiss Hayley, and was thoroughly embarrassed. I couldn’t believe how well I fit in. All of us got along, way too well almost. We were probably the loudest double date ever, talking about the most ridiculous random shit. Hayley kept her hand on my leg or my hand most of the time, and I had my arm around her shoulder. Everyone already thought we were a couple, and that’s why we both kept blushing. I couldn’t believe it was real. And, turns out it lasted longer than we both expected.
We all decided to watch some movies in the living room, which was awesome because we all liked the same movies, and well I got to sit by Hayley on the couch. I wasn’t paying attention, once again. My arm was around her shoulders and she was cuddled up against me. She looked tired and kept yawning, which was adorable. I covered us up with a blanket, not really thinking. Who really can think around Hayley anyway?
“I’m going to fall asleep,” she giggled quietly.
“I won’t mind if you do.”
“Awww let me get a picture,” Kat said excitedly, scaring us. We tried to separate, but it was too late.
“Oh god,” Hayley blushed and ran to Kat, “Don’t you dare post that!”
She grinned, “Too late, fans are already dying from your cuteness.”
“I am going to murder you in your sleep,” she didn’t sound so convincing. And, to be honest, it was all going to come out eventually. So I got up and picked her up, “Put me down!” She was laughing and blushing.
“Shut it,” I flopped down on the couch and held her back from Kat, “I don’t care who knows.
She cuddled back into me and closed her eyes, “Me either,” she smiled and sighed.
“Tonight was amazing,” she looked up at me, “Even if it wasn’t official.”
“Awwwww I think they love each other,” Kat said.
Hayley threw a pillow at her, “None of your business!”
It was so true though haha. We did, no matter what we said or did to hide it. I understood Hayley needed time, and things were all over the place right now, which was not a good time to start a serious relationship. I was willing to wait as long as I had to, because I did love her more than anything. I wanted to know what she wanted in life, before I tried giving her my life, or I’d fuck things up for the both of us. I could never do that, and I won’t. She deserves better than anything she’s had for 10 years, and I was promising myself that I wouldn’t be an idiot. She’s worth the wait, the work, and everything. I know I am way too obsessed with her… but I don’t care.
What in the world was I doing here? I was lying halfway on top of Riley on the couch. And I was thinking that it was all right. I was thinking like a crazy teen age girl, which wasn’t right. I wasn’t ready, and I knew there was a large possibility of hurting Riley because of it. I wanted to stay like this with her, but I didn’t want to hurt her feelings with my uncontrollable mood swings. I was ready to go back on tour and let things work themselves out, because if I made anything happen, nothing would turn out right.
I had feelings for Riley, shocker right? Well they were confusing ass feelings, because first I am enamored with her perfection, then I am overly comfortable with her, and next I’m extremely protective of her; and yet my self doubt told me to back off and get all of it out of my head. I wanted this complicated friendship, but I was afraid of it expanding beyond the limits of my life. I wanted to take Riley on this new tour. I wanted to see how she fit into all of it, and I wanted her to keep racing. This idea of balancing all of it was crazy, I know, but I’ve never wanted anything more in my life. And I started to write about it.
The next day, I had to clear my head in the morning after waking up on top of Riley, which I didn’t expect to happen. We had another band practice before tour, and this one was crucial because I had a lot of new songs to show the guys that we could play during the tour and get them ready. Only problem was, we were all still fighting about the bands direction and changes that had to be made. And obviously, that was Josh’s fault. I left a note on the table for Riley, and made sure Kat would take care of her while I was gone.
In the car, Jeremy and I actually got a chance to talk, “Riley seems great,” he said smiling, clearly planning something out.
“What are you thinking?”
He shrugged, “We could use another guitar player and someone he understands us. I mean, this band isn’t making any damn sense with Josh. Let’s ask him if he wants to actually quit and we could train Riley to fill his place. Hayles, I just can’t see us continuing like this anymore.”
I didn’t really know what to say, “All we can do is ask really, he sure isn’t the happiest anymore.”
“Remember when things were simple and we were all best friends haha?”
“Yeah, what the hell happened,” I laughed.
“Changes. We’re all different and so are our lives and shit. I just don’t know what’s up with Josh. At least you two are broken up,” he shook his head.
“Yeah. It makes a little more sense now haha.”
Jeremy’s idea was amazing, and really perfect for all of us, but of course Josh was too selfish and stubborn to let anything happen. When we asked him, he said this is his band too, and he’s going to do anything to save it. At least he was honest, but we all know he wouldn’t do a damn thing to fix this, and if he did, it would surprise the clothes off our backs. Also, he already had a new girlfriend, and so did Zac, which actually gave me some hope. This was getting weirder and weirder.
Josh came up to me, “Hayley, I want to go over some new music I came up with for those lyrics you gave me.”
“Um alright, we should work on it at your place.”
“Yeah and bring Riley too, I’d like to meet her officially,” he smiled, “Maybe we can teach her some things.” What the hell was up with him?!
“Haha that’d be amazing! Let’s start as soon as possible so we can get this completely laid out before next July.”
“My thoughts exactly, we’ll just meet up after band practice.”
“Awesome, I’ll lend her one of my guitars.”
“Hayley, I’m sorry about the whole thing, my personal problems got the best of me,” he said, hugging me like he used to.
“No, it’s fine. We’re all being babies. Let’s not let anything get in the way like we used to.”
“Haha deal. Just uh, how should I ask Jenna out?”
I laughed, “You are different aren’t you?”
This band practice was a miracle. Everyone just moved on and made up like nothing ever happened. Josh apologizing was like the most honest thing he’s ever done, and asking for girl advice, which I’m horrible at. Then, asking me to bring Riley, seriously he’s on some kind of medication. I was so freaking excited though! I couldn’t wait to tell Riley everything!
The rest of the night we talked about Taylor and basically everything that was on my mind. Riley was such an amazing listener and just awesome to hang out with. I’ve never been so comfortable with anyone in my life. We jammed Deftones, The Smiths, and Lydia the entire night. She loved Deftones and Lydia like crazy; it was cute and made her even more attractive. It was really the best night of my life so far. Gosh I haven’t been this happy in I don’t know how long.
“I’m getting tired,” she said yawning as we sat on the couch.
“Yeah me too, it’s almost 3 haha.”
“I don’t want to go to sleep though haha.”
“Me either. This is way too much fun haha, but we’re running out of things to talk about.”
“Haha I know, there’s nothing we don’t know now. It’s awesome!”
“You’re cute,” I said laughing. Oh god I was tired.
She blushed, “Oh shut up. Let’s go to sleep before you start getting all mushy on me.”
“Haha yeah good idea,” I laughed and got up, covering her up with a blanket. “Don’t count on me getting up early.”
“Don’t worry about it! Night Hayley,” she smiled as I turned off the lights.
“Night Riley, thanks for coming.”
I lay in bed that night, realizing my mind had other ideas besides sleeping tonight. I just couldn’t stop thinking about Riley and everything she said tonight. The way she says my name, the way she smiles at me and just everything. She was so perfect. I don’t know if I was just tired, but I knew I didn’t want to sleep in this bed alone tonight. It was cold, rainy, and I felt bad for just leaving her on the couch. I got up and walked out to the couch, noticing she was still awake, lying on her back.
“I can’t sleep,” I said standing there, looking at her.
“I mean. I can’t sleep without you,” I said, almost shaking from how nervous I was. Damnit. I can never shut up can I?”
“Come here,” she said throwing the blanket back and pulling me down on her by the bottom of my shirt.
I laughed, “You imagined this happening didn’t you,” I said cuddling into her she covered us up.
“Not in a million fucking years. You have no idea how this feels,” she wrapped her arms around me, and I found myself not being able to think or breathe.
“Neither did I.”
It wasn’t long before we both fell asleep. This was the most incredible way I’ve ever fallen asleep before. I’ve never had anyone hold me like this. I’ve never thought about someone like this. We just met, but there was clearly something between us that both of us noticed. I had a feeling people were going to start wondering if a best friend was a strong enough word for our relationship. I liked Riley, but I still had Josh to deal with, and she knew that. Hopefully, everything goes as planned? Right?
Holy shit did that really just happen?! That was literally the first thought I had when I woke up the next morning. Hayley and I were curled up on our sides, my arms still around her, and her hand was resting on top of mine as she was pressed back against me. She was so warm and really fucking soft. And god, she wasn’t wearing any pants. I didn’t want to move, but her phone had been ringing for the past hour and it was Josh, then Jeremy. Clearly, she was late for practice and the guys were wondering why. I didn’t want to wake her, but it kept me from telling Josh to fuck off.
“Hayley, come on wake up,” I whispered, “The guys are freaking out.”
“They can fuck off,” she whined cutely as she turned over and cuddled into me.
“Someone’s grumpy,” I asked laughing.
“Yes. I’d much rather stay here.”
I about died when she said that. “I’ll go with you then.”
She jumped up and smiled, “Aw really?”
“Yesss I’d kill to watch you guys! I’d stay out of the way haha or try to.”
“Oh you’d be fine! Let’s pick up Taylor too!”
“Good idea… uh maybe you should put some pants on,” I said, trying not to look. Fuck. She was wearing red underwear with a white and black striped waist band that sat right below her hips, and it looked fucking amazing on her.
“Ah I don’t even remember taking them off!” She ran into the bedroom. I was beginning to think I should buy an apartment.
I drove Hayley to Taylor’s place, met him quickly and drove to their rehearsal space in downtown Nashville. From what I know and could tell, Taylor was an amazing guy and a really brilliant musician, and all around likeable nice guy. It made me wonder why Josh disliked him and always put him in the corner of the band. Taylor was done with school and he was 18, meaning he could do whatever he wanted now. And, I knew for a fact he wanted to be in the band permanently. Josh was the only thing in the way, of basically all the plans. I just don’t know how it was going to happen.
“Um I have some new lyrics,” Hayley said sounding nervous as they all sat on the edge of the stage. “All we need is like 3 more songs.”
“Yeah let’s just see if they’re good or not,” Josh said, already sounding bitchy and condescending. “Maybe if we all showed up on time, it’d be done already haha.”
“Yeah but if we could all agree or compromise like adults it wouldn’t be a problem,” Jeremy said.
“But, lately some of us act like its not important enough to show up and pull the weight.”
“Oh come on,” Taylor said, “Can we just stop and work on the music!”
“Josh, if you have a problem with me, take it out on me when we’re on our time and not with the entire band. This has nothing to do with the band, and I know it doesn’t.”
“Fine. Let’s just get this done,” He grunted.
Within an hour, I already want to beat the fuck out of Josh. He was immature, selfish, and self righteous, just like Hayley said. I didn’t want to interfere, but I saw everyone’s self confidence fall immediately around him and there was absolutely no direction. It was chaos. It wasn’t how their music is at all. It wasn’t how the other four were. Josh didn’t even fit in, and well Zac had the maturity of a six yr old, so he just follows his brother around through everything. I could read this band like a book, and I wanted to help them but I didn’t know if I could.
When it came time for them to play through some songs, my heart about exploded from how amazing they sounded. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t think, and I couldn’t fucking believe I was here right now. Hayley made this whole thing about 500 times more breathtaking as well. Her voice sounded better than ever, and watching her sing like that just made me believe this was a fucking dream, but it wasn’t. I can’t even describe how I felt or place these feelings anywhere, and that was frustrating, because they were so fucking powerful. And yet in the fucking pit of my stomach, that doubt was rising, and I knew whatever it was about, it would alter everything that happened so far. So for now, I just enjoyed it while it lasted.
1 week later
I was expecting an important call from my dad today, which made me nervous on top of everything else that was going on. I had a race in Arkansas soon, Hayley and Josh were currently going through a break up, and I was trying to keep her calm about it, which wasn’t working. I had to get everything sorted before I left, because I knew I couldn’t leave her like this. Taylor and Jeremy both said they’ve never seen Hayley this hurt or angry or depressed, which made matters worse. It was something Josh said, because the day they broke up, she was fine. Then, they fought and it all went to hell. Nothing stays happy does it?
“Riley,” my dad said excitedly, “What’s going on?”
“Haha things are rough but we’ll get through it. What’d you want to talk about?”
“After this race, we think you should come home. Think things over…”
“What do you mean,” I was confused by what I should think over.
“This girl. She’s not interested Riley and she’s just holding you back.”
“Oh god here we go haha dad it’s not like that. We’re just friends and I’m helping her out until the race,” I lied.
“That’s not what Brandon and Sierra said. They’ve said you gone crazy and abandoned your life for her.”
I started shaking from rage; of course Brandon and Sierra said that. They fucking wanted me all to themselves and they couldn’t accept that I didn’t need them anymore. “Hey you have no right to believe that shit and address it to me over the phone. You have no idea what’s going on because you’re not here. I’m coming home, and I’m bringing this “girl”. Her name is Hayley and she’s been saving my life since I was 13. I love her, I don’t care how.” I hung up. There was nothing more I needed to say.
I heard everything Riley said, and it made me completely forget about Josh to be honest. She was absolutely the most important thing in my life right now, she was keeping me sane, and she was there for me 24/7. There was going to be a long fall break for me soon, making her plan very very possible, which made me excited as hell. I’ve felt selfish. Riley knows everything about me and my life, and I know nothing about her. All I knew was, I needed her in my life, or I had no clue what to do.
Riley was going to Arkansas tomorrow afternoon, and of course I had to stay for more writing. We had to finalize 14 songs before we went to LA to start fully getting the record started. I had 3 to write, that I had pieces of, which was so frustrating. Right now, I really wanted to spend time with her, because she’s the reason I’ve gotten so much done with writing.
“You okay,” I asked as she sat next to me on the couch.
“I am now,” she smiled and wrapped her arm around me. “What about you?”
“I’m a lot better. What Josh said was stupid and just got in my head, I’m over it now. I just don’t want you to go for 3 days tomorrow,” I said, snuggling into her.
“He’s an ass, hopefully he just remembers it’s all about the music and band. God I really don’t want to go either. But I guess separation is always good,” she laughed.
I laughed too, “Yeah we’ve been pretty much inseparable for 2 weeks now. That’s because you’re awesome!”
“You’re amazing,” she said, pulling me closer to her. Yup can’t breathe.
“Gosh Riley, tell me what you really think of me,” I laughed it off.
“Alright then,” she laughed.
She wasn’t kidding. She lay back on the couch and pulled me up on top of her. She held me even tighter than before, pulling my head into her chest. She was warm and perfectly cuddly, meaning it wouldn’t be long before I was asleep. I swear, I would never get tired of this, or stop thinking about it. She was so perfect. Josh was right about what he said. I never really loved him. There was always someone else I was waiting for. And, I said after Josh, I’d never be with anyone for a long time, but Riley was becoming that only exception. I was in love with her from the start.
I sat between Riley and Sierra, watching the usual action movie at Jeremy’s house with everyone. I was tired and not paying any attention to anything but my thoughts. There was so much going on that I wanted to change, until today that is, things definitely changed on their own. Everything before today, and still will be after, was a mess to be honest haha; my band, my boyfriend, and even myself. It felt like the entire world was coming down on top of me at times. I wanted it to change. I wanted it all to just progress and get back to normal and how I planned. But, nothing is easy in life is it? Haha I wished it was, so much. If I had things my way, it’d be a lot different.
Josh was controlling, especially when it came to our band. Everything was on his terms and his idea, when he actually didn’t contribute as much as the four of us. I love Josh, but there were things I never knew about him that kinda make me wonder if this relationship is worth it. We’ve been off and on for about 3 years, because of him. I found myself asking if he really loved me most of the time, and asking why the hell I loved him.
I wanted someone different, even just as a close friend. Josh and I just kept going in circles, and after meeting someone new like Riley, I began to realize it was time to stop all the rapidity of my life. I wanted to start over. As crazy as it sounds, I wanted to get closer to Riley. I mean, she had some strength that I didn’t have, and obviously maturity. There was something that was drawing me to her, whether it was a set up or not, it was real. And, I wanted to get back into reality and start living life and being in love and having this incredible band.
“I’m bored,” Riley whispered to me.
I laughed, “Same here, I can’t focus on it.”
“I’m hungry haha. We should go out.”
“I’m hungry too,” Brandon yelled blowing our cover.
“The 3 of us can go then haha.”
The three of us snuck out to go to the 24/7 diner down the road, and not surprisingly Jeremy came too; I drove there as Brandon and Riley talked about bike stuff that I didn’t understand. Riley looked hot in her race gear and all, but her in cut off jean shorts and a white shirt, she looked way hotter than I’ve ever noticed. I had no idea she was that toned. And, obviously I should stop thinking about this, but it was true haha. She was kind of god like to be honest. Oh god what is wrong with me right now? I was losing my mind.
In the diner, Riley started asking me questions, “So what are you doing here exactly?”
“Haha well,” I smiled and shrugged, “I don’t really know. Needed a change of scenery I guess and a break from the band.”
“I can’t imagine it’s easy, especially with the record company up your ass,” she laughed.
I laughed at her tone, “Actually, Josh is the only one pressuring us.”
“Yeah he’s even writing most of the lyrics and songs himself,” Jeremy said.
“That’s stupid. I mean I know you guys all write, but Hayley is the better lyricist and she does all the melodies,” Riley said, sounding genuinely pissed off, “And you’re still dating that ass?”
I laughed, “Oh not for long, he’s gone way too far with this one.”
“He’s changed,” Jeremy said, changing the tone again. He sounded sad.
“Drastically. I don’t even know him anymore.”
“What are you going to do,” she asked.
“Try to finish the record and get past everything,” I shrugged.
“You guys deserve better,” she shook her head; “Josh bugs me if I’m honest.”
“He bugs everyone!” Jeremy yelled, “I punched him once haha it felt good.”
“I’m jealous haha.”
“Who isn’t, I’m supposedly his girlfriend and I want to punch him,” I said as everyone laughed.
Talking to Riley about what was going on just made me feel even better about everything. She understood and cared about what we were going through, and noticed there was turmoil. It felt so good to get things out, and it made me want to write, because now I knew what all the feelings I had bottled up were all about.
Tonight was amazing. To be honest, I haven’t had this much fun since two Christmases ago. The four of us got along so good and we had similar very hyper senses of humor. There was someone missing, because I knew he was being left out of everything; the music, the band, the friendship, but yet he wrote more than Josh did. Taylor was one of my best friends, but he was shut out from my life because of his mom and Josh. It felt weird without him lately. But all in all, this night was one of those nights where I just had to put everything aside and have fun. And, eventually I’d talk to Riley one on one.
Wow. I never thought I’d be sitting in a car, in the passenger seat while Hayley was driving back to Jeremy’s house. There’s nothing I would change about tonight, not ever. I didn’t even miss Sierra or feel bad for ditching her, because clearly she was perfectly happy with Blake. I was with everyone I truly loved right now. There was really nothing more I could ever ask for. Hayley was even more perfect than I’d ever imagined. She’s one of those girls who are just amazingly easy to talk to and joke around with. I was still nervous, but comfortable with this, maybe even too comfortable haha. I wondered if this was just one night to remember, or if it’d last forever.
“I had fun,” Hayley said, smiling gorgeously.
“Me too, but it’s not over. You wanna take a ride on my bike,” I asked laughing. Hayley and a motorcycle just seemed dangerous haha.
She laughed, “Dude that’d be awesome! Let’s do it!”
“You guys are gonna do it,” Brandon asked, freaking out, “That was fast!” Oh god.
“Do it at your house please,” Jeremy said, playing along.
“Yes, Riley and I are just yelling out that we’re going to do it,” Hayley said sarcastically.
“She’s just covering it up,” I said playing along too, “We’re ditching you two at the house and going to her place,” I winked at her.
“Damn it Riley you can’t tell everyone our plans!” She laughed
“Gosh sorry, they’d figure it out anyway,” we both started laughing. The guys look disturbed, but we didn’t give a fuck.
We did kind of ditch Brandon and Jeremy, because they wanted to play Xbox anyway, and Hayley really wanted to take a ride with me. I was excited, and I wanted to milk our alone time together a bit. I got the bike out as she sat up on the tool box, tucked into her hoodie, it was adorable. I checked the fuel line and everything, making sure I didn’t beat it up on the track.
“You wanna drive or ride on the back,” I asked before I started it.
“Definitely the back, god forbid I kill us,” she said laughing and walking over.
“Tell me if I’m going to fast, and if you let go I’ll kill you haha, literally.”
“Not sure I like these terms haha,” she sounded nervous. It was cute.
“You’ll like it once we get going. Trust me?”
“Of course I trust you!”
“Then let’s do this!”
She was still a little bit hesitant, but once she got on, she kind of cuddled up to me. I took it slow, going around the dirt back lot of Jeremy’s property, which I was jealous of. It was gorgeous. The drifting was amazing and the grip was equally good. But, what made it even better was Hayley giggling and holding onto me, freaking out whenever I sped up. It was adorable and it made it hard to keep going because I was laughing at her.
“If you don’t stop laughing I will wreck,” I said stopping the bike, trying to talk through my laughter.
“I can’t help it! My ass hurts though,” she said laughing, still holding on.
Yeah I was totally thinking about her ass now, great. “Alright let’s get off then haha.” I laughed like an idiot.
“That was awesome though thanks,” she said hugging me quickly as I put the bike back in the trailer, “What now! It’s only 11 haha, I’m not tired now.
“Come here,” I smiled, walking to the truck bed. I climbed up in it and sat on the tarp. “This is where I slept last night haha.”
“No way?! They didn’t pay for your hotel,” she got in next to me.
“Nah, I’m the new girl. I gotta earn my cred haha!”
“Street cred? Man that’s shit,” she laughed. “It’s not so bad,” she laid back, “Except for when it rains, which is all the time here.”
I didn’t know what to say, because she was lying next to me, and she added rain to the mix. I couldn’t deny that right now would be a perfect time to kiss her, but considering what’s going on with Josh, I didn’t want to confuse her. It was way too much in one day for both of us. “Yeah maybe you can make me a rain jacket haha.” Of all the things I could’ve said there, I fucking say that!? God I suck.
She laughed, “I got a better idea! You can come stay at my house and Brandon can stay at Jerms’!”
“You sure about that? Cus you ain’t getting rid of me after a sleepover!”
“Oh yeah like I want to get rid of you! You’re making my day a lot better haha,” she scooted close to me. Aww.
“It’s Josh isn’t it?”
She nodded, “He’s kind of trapped me in this whole thing and I don’t know how to get out.”
I shrugged and looked at her, “Don’t rush things. Do everything on your terms and take control. If anyone can control their life it’s you haha.”
“I’m going to need some help though,” she sat up and looked at me, “You better be staying here awhile, we got work to do!”
“Haha as long as you want. Work as in egging your boyfriend’s house?”
She laughed, leaning against me, “Are you serious?! That’s crazy!”
“It’ll make you feel better.”
“It’s pretty immature…”
“Exactly. He’s been pressuring you to be someone you’re not, so fuck him!”
“Alright alright! Let’s go steal Jeremy’s eggs haha!”
I went in to find Sierra and Blake were gone, which was good because I didn’t really feel like seeing them. Hayley went to talk to Jeremy, and I was stuck with Brandon. It was awkward, because I wanted to tell him everything, but I also wanted to keep things between Hayley and me. It’s not like he’d understand anyway, he’d probably just make fun of the whole thing. Oh and he’s probably randomly mad at me because I ditched the family. Fuck that. They’re only ever showing up for me when I win cash rewards. Right now, they didn’t matter.
“Riley, I think I should go home,” he said, “I don’t want to get in the way.”
“Haha let me guess, your band is having practice this weekend.”
“Well yeah. We’re getting good and stuff.”
“No, I get it haha they’re way more important than I’ve ever been to you. You can fuck off for being two faced,” I said before walking out. After 8 years, that felt good to say that.
I waited by Hayley’s car, noticing it was really nice out. It wasn’t raining for once, thank god. Nashville was really incredible, incredible enough to make me give up my “family” and stay here. I wanted to start somewhere new and have new friends that actually give a fuck. It almost sounds like a cliché, but it was real. Being around Hayley was real, although I’d probably never believe it because of how amazing she is. I guess we’re kind of restarting together.
She came up to me laughing, “In one night, we’ve ditched probably half the people we know.”
“That kinda means half the people we know are assholes.”
“So true. Let’s keep making history haha. Maybe we can get rid of Josh in the future,” she said as we got in the car.
“God I hope so. God forbid that I ever go to band practice with you, he’s such a whiney bitch I’d probably punch him in the face,” I laughed.
“I’ve thought about it too!”
After we stopped laughing, I decided to change subjects till we got to his house. “Hayley, thanks for letting me come haha. Everything is really fucked for me right now. A lot of people were holding me back and I had to get rid of them.”
“Of course! But, how did you do that? Like, I heard you tell Brandon off and I was like ‘shit this girl is serious’,” she laughed.
“Haha I just had to for my sanity and future. I’m going to get an all new crew, maybe.”
“I don’t know. Things are changing and I don’t know if motocross is really what I want to do now haha.”
“Just take some time and figure things out. Most important thing is, you follow your heart… and stay in Nashville,” she grinned.
“I don’t think I have a choice with that one haha. But, that’s one reason why motocross sucks. We’d be on opposite schedules…”
“But, you can’t just center your life on me. I’m not exactly famous for being the best friend or the most selfless person ever.”
“It’s not that I’m going to center it on you. I want to restart together. Within one night, we’ve become best friend’s haha. I don’t wanna go through this again. And, no one is perfect.”
That night we decided to hold everything off, go home, and sleep on it. We were both exhausted and probably over thinking the whole thing. It was amazing how she wasn’t afraid to make it clear she wanted me here and needed my help. That made me feel wanted more than I ever have. Motocross and everything I said before aside, I knew what I wanted now. I wanted a new life with her and Paramore, and just integrating our entire lives together. Not because I was a fan or because I was practically in love with her, it’s because what I wanted WAS her, in any way, shape or form. And, I don’t think she minded that.
All I Wanted II
The big race was today in Nashville, Tennessee; basically the race that would determine the rest of my career in motocross. I was sitting in my truck bed, wondering if my fan base would carry me to the win, or passed a loss. Surprisingly, I had a large fan base full of women’s rights advocates and little girls who dreamed of kicking as much ass as I did. Haha little did they know, it wasn’t easy or as much fun as you’d think. Everyone wants to use me for money, or sex, and I was gay and all about the bikes and racing. Though, nothing in my life was ever easy or anyone else’s for that matter.
“Paramore or Versaemerge today,” Brandon asked rigging up my helmet and ear phones.
“Paramore. It feels like one of those days.”
He grinned, “I like how you pick them over your girlfriend’s band.”
“Sierra is not really my girlfriend haha she’s too afraid of commitment.”
“I’ve noticed. Dude you need to get rid of her haha.”
“She seems to like you,” I said putting my jeans on, remembering the looks she’d been giving him.
“I wouldn’t go there and you know that.”
“Yeah I know. She would though, and that’s the problem,” I decided to stop being a girl, ”Why can’t every girl be like Hayley,” I laughed.
“Haha she’s one of a kind,” he said sarcastically
“Did I say that last night?” I had gotten a little wasted last night, after one beer, I was weak.
He laughed, “You said a lot.”
“I don’t wanna know,” I shook my head.
“No but I’m sure someone does…”
The thing nobody understood in my life was the reason why I always chose Paramore. I had this deep, unexplainable, indescribable connection with the band, their music, and specifically Hayley herself. This band took reality out of the picture and gave me this amazing euphoric feeling. Since the beginning of the band, I’ve been uncontrollably obsessed with them, and again specifically Hayley. There was just something about her that I couldn’t really describe. She was really my dream girl, since the beginning. She’s actually been in my dreams, as creepy as that sounds. She was everything I wanted in someone, even just a friend. It’s pathetic that no one understood that, and that I thought is was possible.
I ignored Brandon until we got to the track and started setting up my bike. He was acting weird, and I didn’t have time for his head games. I had a lot more important shit to think about. Like, the fact that I had to win this race for me and everyone working around me. I had to pull something out of me that I never have before, because my whole fucking life depended on it. I didn’t know what else I was going to do except for race. It’s the only thing I could do right.
“Riley,” Sierra said excitedly, running into the trailer and surprising me.
“Im kind of busy setting up,” I said, trying to focus on getting the engine tuned.
“I know, I just wanted to see you,” she said hugging me from behind.
“Thanks for coming,” I turned around and hugged her. I did miss her, but she was different every time she can home from tour.
“Well not just me, you have quite the audience… Blake brought some friends!”
“Haha alright, invite them to the trailer after the race.”
“Well we’re all invited to his friend’s house for dinner and a sleepover haha… is that alright?”
“We’ll see okay? Now go! You want me to win and not wreck and die right?”
I was a little more nervous now and distracted. I just wanted to test this bike out and get on the track, so I wouldn’t have to think about anything else. Riding was really my favorite thing, well for now. It was amazing. It was something that I couldn’t explain. Sure I was good at it and it took my mind of things, but still I wondered if there was even something better out there for me. Maybe this was temporary. I loved it, but I hated being alone and constantly getting hit on by a bunch of guys. I waned something easier and even more fun than this.
On the track, I noticed it was wetter than most tracks, and had more pre race grooves in the mud pits, which was something I was something I was well practiced in. It was the most fun on a track I’ve ever had in my life; it was almost the obstacle course type of track. Now, I was much more confident about winning this race. All I needed to do is to out race and shift against the other racers, which was a little scary since this is only my 5th race in the championship racing league. But, I knew the track now and I knew all my strongest areas. The only thing I needed was extreme awareness of the other riders, and focus.
“Um, I don’t know whether to tell you who’s in the crowd with Blake and Sierra now or wait till you see it,” Brandon said, sounding nervous as we fueled up the bike.
“God don’t tell me it’s my ex,” I laughed sarcastically.
“No. You’ll be a little surprised,” he paused and got a thoughtful look,”Well okay a lot.”
“It must be my entire family haha no one else would come.”
“Um no, it isn’t. Come here,” he said grabbing my shoulder as we walked to the back edge of the trailer. He looked over the corner and panicked. “Oh shit, fuck! You’re not ready for this,” he pushed me back in the trailer and closed the door from the outside, locking me in. All I heard was mumbling as I tried to look out the little window in the back, but Brandon’s huge head was in the way. Who the fuck could it be?
When he opened the door again, he was smiling and laughing, saying sorry and pulling me out of the trailer. There was no one out here anymore but the crew, so whoever he’s hiding from me was going to be in the crowd. What a fucking idiot! He’s just distracting me even more by making me wait. God damnit I really wanted to know who it was now. But, I knew he wouldn’t tell me till after the race.
So today, I’ve gotten away from my controlling boyfriend, met Riley’s best friend, and gotten stuck with her girlfriend’s band. Basically, everything is awkward and confusing. But, as long as I got to watch Riley race, I was stoked as hell to be here, regardless of her annoying girlfriend who talked about other girls and guys. Like, if I was with Riley Connor, I wouldn’t even care about anyone else! Seriously! What the fuck is Sierra thinking?! Riley is a bad ass and hot as hell and really level headed, unlike most women out there. There was nothing about her worth throwing a way.
Okay, usually I wasn’t nervous to meet someone, but today I was very nervous to meet Riley. Brandon said that she had no idea I was here and would freak once she knew Jeremy and I were here. I mean, this girl was kind of who I was looking up to right now, even though we were the same age. Like, what do I do or say?! I was over thinking everything, obviously, but thinking about her really wasn’t so bad was it? Yes, I had a boyfriend, but I didn’t want him anymore! I wanted someone new. And, I never thought I’d be considering going after a girl. What was I thinking?
Ten minutes till race time and I was nervous, but calm. Brandon and I talked about the changes to the bike we’d make with the money we’d win. Then, the money from the sponsors would go to our fun money collection. And then, we went on with fantasy plans to kidnap our women, which would be incredible. After being in Nashville for 2 days, I already knew my savings would go to buying a house here. It was amazing, especially if I won. It’d be the most memorable place for me, regardless of what happens after.
I sat in my starting gate; revving my engine, getting the fuel hot. I was running through the track in my mind, but to be honest I had something else on my mind, something I always think about before every race; What if she’s watching? Then, I ignored everyone around me, and remembered that no matter what, this was for me and that I could do anything alone. That thought carried me passed the gate when the gun fired. I was relieved when my engine didn’t stall, thank fucking god. Amazingly quickly, I started to pass everyone behind me. It was a challenge in the deep mud to keep traction, but the bike held steady and I was able to drift through the corners. It was hot, intense, and fast, and a lot better than any sex I’ve had haha, in real life anyway. Everything was going faster than ever, and it gave me this insane adrenaline rush. I find myself rushing through the first lap, making me 3 seconds ahead of the guys behind me. I was winning, and by a lot more than I thought I would. The next 2 laps were more difficult with the guys trying to spin me out in the bends. But, on the last lap, they all failed miserably as I made the final large jump, flying over Andrew Short and winning the fucking race just by one jump. Holy shit.
My life wasn’t over after all haha! You should’ve seen the crowd rushing onto the finish line when I won! Brandon, Sierra, Blake, my older Sister Jen, my aunt and uncle, and finally the person Brandon was hiding from me. When everyone calmed down and all the reporters left, Sierra came up to me with her so called “Friends”. Holy fuck, to be honest seeing these two people was better than fucking winning the race. Sierra was the worst “girlfriend” I’ve ever had, but this was the best fucking thing anyone could give me.
Everyone started laughing as I was staring at Hayley like an idiot, and I decided to say something. “Hey.”
“Hi,” she smiled.
We stood there, quietly looking at each other. “Uh why are you here?”
“I wanted to come meet you and see you win!”
“You have no idea how glad I am to see you.”
“You have no idea how bad I’ve wanted to meet you,” she said before hugging me. There was something about her tone that made that believable.
I hugged her back, “Same here.” What the fuck was happening?
Right now, the world didn’t exist. Right now I was talking with a girl who saved my life; a girl who millions of people would kill to be around, always. Yet, God chose me to be this lucky on this day. Everything I’ve ever wanted is standing right in front of me. I never even knew any of this was possible. I never even dreamed of anything this indescribable. It was something that was going to alter the course of my life.
Regardless of what happens after this moment, I’d remember it for the rest of my life. Will Hayley and I become close friends? Will Sierra and I get together again like we used to be? Will Brandon and I continue to have a strong friendship? And, is motocross really my dream career path? These are questions that no one knows, not even God probably knows. You’re just going to have to wait to find out.
It was 7 in the morning, and we were absolutely exhausted and definitely not wanting to do anything but sleep. Well, we wanted to, but it’d be like trying to have sex on sleep meds, or old people sex. Luckily, I knew that in a couple days the family was leaving the cabin, so we could go to my house which made everything we wanted to do 100% possible. Thank god. I’d never felt like this in my entire life. It was amazing, but so frustrating at the same time. It seemed like after waiting almost a month, there was still something in the way and disallowing us from doing everything we wanted. I hated it, but at the same time, it was kinda hot. I can’t even describe how I felt earlier. It was everything I expected it to be with Catie, but much shorter than we both wanted. I knew we’d make up for it… hopefully asap.
The kids woke me up at eight, and I decided to let Catie sleep since she’s been up for almost 4 days straight. I can’t believe she drove all the way from LA to here just to be with me… like in what world is that normal. No one has ever done something so amazing and selfless for me in my entire life, and I had a feeling she’d always be that way. She was perfect, and I knew once I left the bedroom, I’d miss her like crazy.
“Hey Hayley,” Taylor said, scaring me, making him laugh. He was sitting on the couch in the living room.
“Um what are you doing here?”
“I wanted to come and apologize for all that happened last night. I’m so used to having to be on Josh and Zac’s side, that I didn’t know how to react. I think as friends, we all need to take the band out and just relax,” he said standing up and talking quietly, thinking every word out.
I thought for a second, “What if the four of us went somewhere, like a vacation for awhile?”
He looked surprised, “Whoa that might actually be kind of fun.”
“I know right? We could totally leave all of this behind and just restart and have fun together. Like, it’s kind of a rehabilitation for us haha.”
“Way to use big words,” Jeremy said laughing and picking me up from behind. “I vote let’s go to Florida haha, like the coast. That’d be sweet,” we hugged and then he put me down.
“That’s actually perfect; we could just like go crazy!”
“When do we leave,” Taylor asked excitedly.
The guys left to pack and tell the family what was going on. We were all so fucking excited for this trip, we could hardly stand it. And god I couldn’t wait to tell Catie. She was going to freak out that the guys wanted her and accepted her into the new Paramore. All we needed to do was get to know each other without anyone or anything getting in the way. We were close, but not as close as we used to be. We tried to do this during Brand New Eyes, but Josh and Zac refused to change because they were too immature to handle any change in the band. Now, we were all much more mature and open to the changes with ourselves, the band, and the world. Catie was someone who could maximize our maturity and band success. It was all coming together now; I just had to be patient with myself and everyone else.
“Hayley, I heard about this trip…” my mom said, sitting me down at the table. “I thought you were making more time for family,” she sounded sad.
“They are family mom. I think I need to do this, for me, and everyone around me. Spending more time with the band as friends, and my girlfriend, is the most important thing for me now. I’ve been here for a month and I’m getting restless and anxious haha. I’ve never had alone time with Catie.”
“The press will follow you! And you know that! You two are a huge item now!”
I got a little pissed now, “Oh god don’t call us an ‘Item’. We’re in love with each other.”
“Hayley you honestly don’t know what love is, honey. You’ve never had it,” she tried to sound sympathetic.
I was speechless at how inconsiderate she sounded. “This is because it’s a girl isn’t it?”
“No, it’s because Catie has a bad history! She’s been in jail, an alcoholic, and done many bad things that you don’t need to be around! You’ve got to see she isn’t safe Hayley!”
“Mom, you don’t even know her,” I yelled, starting to cry from frustration. Damn it why was this happening? “All you know is what the freaking press says!”
“Oh and you know more than them?!”
“Yeah in fact, I know her well enough to know that she loves me more than anyone on the planet. She treats me better than you ever did,” I said quickly running to the bedroom. I felt so helpless.
Catie was awake and kind of startled by the whole thing. She grabbed me and pulled me on her. I smashed myself into her and started crying, “My mom thinks we’re faking and that I don’t love you.”
“Baby, don’t worry about she thinks. If she doesn’t support you, that she doesn’t matter,” she said whispering into my ear as she held me on her lap.
“I just expected more from her.”
It killed me to see Hayley so hurt, and it made me unbelievably angry. I wanted to fucking kill her mom for saying shit like that behind my back. Hayley was hurt enough by it to be crying and shaking in my arms, which was bullshit. She didn’t deserve anything she was going through right now, and I had to do something about it. I kissed her and set her on the bed, before kissing her again and touching her face. I knew I had to make this right, and it had to start with her mom.
I walked out of the room, trying to calm down so I wouldn’t kill her, or at least break something. She was sitting at the table, drinking tea, looking way too calm for everything she was causing. I stood there, right in front of her, shaking a little and trying not to throw a chair at her.
“You can fuck off if you don’t think this is real,” I said calmly… well partially calm.
“You’re just not good for her Catie and you know you’re not, and that’s why you’re so angry and trying so hard to keep her away from the family!”
I laughed, “No I’m angry because you hurt her! Don’t you see I’m just trying to protect her, because you’re a two faced bitch and you can’t handle Hayley loving anyone besides you. You’ve pushed everyone away from you!”
“Hayley is too young to be doing anything she’s doing right now! And she’s certainly too young for you.”
“Oh come on, she’s the most fucking mature woman I’ve ever met in my life!”
“You’re blindly in love with a girl to good for you! How would you know?”
“Because when we kissed on stage, I just knew. She made a plan for us to be together and to make it all work, because I needed her. None of this was my doing; all of this is because she, and Jeremy and Taylor, made it happen.”
Hayley came up behind me, hugging me, “Let’s just go home baby,” she whispered.
I said nothing more. I took Hayley’s hand and we quickly packed up all her stuff together. It was quiet, because we were both quiet and nervous about what I said earlier. She was actually smiling the whole time, even when we got in the car and she took the driver seat. I didn’t know what to say, because everything that just happened was a bit overwhelming. I didn’t know I was going to say any of that…
“You’re amazing you know that,” she said laughing and smiling.
“Haha aw just for you. How come today is so bipolar?”
“I have no freaking clue. But I say, fuck all of that! I have a surprise for you.”
“Oh really now?”
“Tomorrow, the four of us are all going to Florida and spending time together!”
“Holy shit really? That’s amazing! Actually, that’ll change everything for the better. The more time we all spend talking about everything and take time with each other, the easier it’ll be to move on and start something new.”
“That’s what the 3 of us thought! But, before we leave tomorrow, I think you and I have some unfinished business,” she grinned.
“You have no idea,” I said grinning back and putting my hand of her leg. God I just noticed she was wearing shorts.
“Do you want us to wreck,” she said laughing and pushing my hand off.
“No but I need you to drive faster and stop wearing shorts.”
We came to a stop light, “Oh you like these?! Look how short these are, “she pulled her shirt up a bit.
“Oh my fucking god,” I was staring at her. “You have to stop.”
She laughed and reached over, grabbing my face and kissing me as she smiled, “You’re amazing.”
“You’re fucking hot!”
“Speaking of hot,” she said unbuckling and sitting up, taking off her shirt, revealing a white tank top and a green bra underneath.
“Oh my god,” I said staring, “I’m going to kill you,” I said covering my eyes, trying not to think about how amazing she looked.
“Dwont kill me!”
I laughed at how little she sounded, “Just marry me already.”
“When and where?”
“In Nashville, next year, September 7th,” I said trying to freak her out.
We pulled up in her driveway, and she said nothing, she just threw herself at me, kissing me hard. I kissed her back and grabbed onto her, pulling her out of the car. She grabbed her keys and handed me them quickly as she started kissing my neck and nuzzling at the same time. I carried her to the bedroom, after many times of missing the door knob. I lay back on the bed with her on straddling my waist, letting me stare at her amazing body. The tank top was nearly transparent, and you could see every outline of her body through her clothes. She leaned over and we started kissing slow and gentle. She took off my shirt and rand her hands slowly down my chest and stomach, then back up to my face as she pressed against me and we started kissing harder. This is exactly how I imagined it.
“I love you so much,” I said before kissing again, much deeper this time.
“I love you too so much Catie,” she kissed me again, before sliding her hips down against mine. “I’ve never wanted anyone this much in my life. It’s unbearable,” she said staring at me.
“God I feel the same way, since we kissed that night,” I said, resting my hands on the middle of her back.
“That kiss is unbeatable,” she said before kissing me again softly.
“I bet I can beat it,” I grinned.
“I’d like to see you try,” she whispered, inches from my face. She looked so amazingly beautiful, I was so fucking done with holding back.
I picked her up and carried her into the bathroom, setting her down quickly as I closed the door. I told her to freeze there, and we both laughed. I turned on the water, and turned around, finding that she had stripped down to nothing but her underwear. I did the same as we kissed intermittently, until she took the rest of my clothes off. I pushed her into the shower, against the wall as she whimpered. I didn’t let her kiss me yet, I instead decided to give her some pay back for earlier. I kissed down her neck and slid my hands up her sides, then across her stomach and up to her chest. She moaned when I touched her, and I grinned as I could tell she was getting frustrated and very turned on. Before I could do anything else, she grabbed my head and pulled it up, kissing me hard and shoving her hips against mine. She sucked on my bottom lip before continuing to kiss me intensely and without stopping to breathe. We both started grinding against each other uncontrollably, until I couldn’t keep my hands off of her.
I slid my hand down to her waist, stretching my middle finger down to her clit. I started rubbing it as fast as I could, because I just couldn’t stop touching her. She started kissing me harder and squirming every time she whimpered, it was so fucking hot. I kept rubbing her deeper and faster until she started moaning my name. She was getting closer and closer as she kept grinding against my finger until she finally lost it. And that was just the beginning of what I was going to do. I picked her up again and took her out to the bedroom, as we were still soaking wet, and not giving a fuck. I set her on the bad diagonally and got halfway on top of her, sitting between her legs. Her eyes were closed and she looked about a minute away from losing it again, so I decided to continue quickly. I slid both of my fingers inside her, as deep as I could, staring at where they were for a second before I slid down and started licking her, up from my fingers, across her clit and stopping at the top of her. God she tasted fucking amazing. She wouldn’t stop making noises that made me want to start fucking touching myself, but I wanted to focus on her. She started to bend her knees up and grip the sheets, getting much tighter around my fingers, and easily close to a 2nd time.
This time I tried to make it as intense as possible, because I fucking had to distract myself from how much she was turning me on. I started pumping my fingers inside her as deep as I could, and it caught her by surprise. She lost it, really hard, screaming over and over and convulsing on the inside and outside. She sat up and pulled me on top of her as she kept going and kissing me really fucking hard, mostly with an open mouth. We kept kissing and grinding against each other as she kept losing it for another 15 minutes. The whole thing kept speeding up and getting more intense than I expected it to. When she was done, she stopped kissing me and pushed me over on my back. She surprised me and started licking my neck and pushing her hips against mine really hard, before she slid her hand down between us so it pressed against both of us, except she pressed one of hers really hard against the left side of my clit. I was so turned on, that this alone made me start shaking and throbbing even harder. Then after a minute, it got even more unbearable.
She slid down and started sucking my clit, unbelievably fucking hard, making me want to shove my hips up and just lose it already. But, she pinned them down and pressed her tongue against it, really hard, making me a 100 times more sensitive and wet than before. I started shaking and I was unable to stay quiet, as I started progressively moaning her name and fuck louder and intermittently every time she started sucking even harder. Then, it stopped for a second, giving me time to relax and not explode from how good it felt, and it got even better. She started sucking the back of me, which I didn’t even know was possible. She kept sucking harder and harder, making me feel like I was going to turn inside out in a good way. Then, she started flicking her tongue out while she was sucking, which made me get even closer and I couldn’t move anymore. She then started pressing her thumb in my clit really really hard, until I lost it unbelievably and uncontrollably hard. I’ve never felt like that in my life. I’ve never screamed for someone. I’ve never had anyone make me actually lose it like that. I fucking couldn’t move, I couldn’t breathe, and I couldn’t stop pulsing, for an entire hour.
She held me from behind as we were curled up around each other. I was still pulsing, and she kept one hand between my legs, whispering that she couldn’t move. We were both frozen and in shock of what just happened. It felt… indescribable. Nothing in the entire world could ever feel as good as that did. I knew this just made us want each other more, because now we knew we couldn’t hold back from doing anything. The way she tasted, felt, and the way she touched and tasted me was fucking addictive, like I just wanted to do the whole thing over again for the next 3 months, and I knew it’d be hard to stop when we’d be spending every second together. I couldn’t imagine any of this happening like it has in a million years. And, she continued to surprise me.
She got up, completely naked and turned on the lights, revealing that it was 3 minutes past midnight… that means we’d been going for almost 7 hours. Wow. I was confused to what she was doing, because she was writing something on a calendar she took out of a drawer, but really I was too busy staring at her. She came back over finally, lay beside me, and then kissed me hard, sliding her hands up to the back of my head. Then she pressed up against me and started licking my bottom lip slowly up, and down, then across it before she kissed me again.
“Okay wow that was fucking amazing… but what’s up with the calendar,” I said trying to stop before we kept going.
She grinned and laughed quietly, kissing me again, “I was just putting our wedding there.”
“Whoa what,” I sat up, freaking a little.
“If you were serious, than yes I will marry you then,” she said excitedly.
“Holy fuck,” I said, speechless. We were engaged… wow.
The rest of the night, we cuddled in her bed, kissing off and on until we were both exhausted. Today was… perfect to say the least and I wish we could do it all again tomorrow, but I knew this vacation would be the best ever and truly life changing for all of us. And I now knew how serious Hayley was about all of this. It was fucking amazing how in love we were with each other, and all of that magnified it by a thousand. I couldn’t wait to continue living together and progressing, because I knew it’d be amazing no matter what.
It was 9 o’clock, the time I’ve been waiting for all fucking day. Hayley was putting all the little kids to bed while I stood in the hallway, zoning out to everything I was going to do to her tonight. I’ve been planning this night for too long, it was killing me to wait even 5 seconds, but it was so worth it. It wasn’t really about sex or being unbearably turned on by her, it was about being the only one that would get to touch her like I would, and officially being her girlfriend. Everything that would happen tonight was like the initiation for the rest of our lives. We needed each other for so long, and now we got to have each other. I had a feeling it was going to be crazier than I even imagined.
I walked into the room and fell back onto her bed. I couldn’t believe I was really here and was spending the entire night and day with her, and the same thing tomorrow. After 4 weeks of not being with her, I could’ve claimed myself insane from missing her so much. All I thought about was her and how she felt without me. This whole plan was long and complicated, and there were a lot of problems. Our bands kept us away from each other, which I fucking hated. After 13 years of touring, I was beginning to think I needed a break from Stone Sour. There was something I wanted more than the band now, and that was Hayley. Maybe it was time for me to make a career change.
She came in and closed the door smiling hugely, and then she came and cuddled into me, laying her head on my chest. I held her, feeling so fucking excited for all the ideas running through my head. All of it is very possible; all I had to do is talk to Jim about taking a break. I didn’t want to drop Stone Sour, I just wanted to pick up my new life and develop it more. Because Hayley needed me. I could see she’s going through a hard time right now, and I wanted to help her through it.
“Hayley, you love me right,” I said, joking around with her.
She laughed, “No shit Sherlock,” she sat up and kissed my forehead, “Why are you asking silly?”
“I’m just thinking of taking a break, and coming to work with Paramore,” I sat up and looked at her.
“Oh wow you are?”
“Yes, I need a break and you need me… I just think we should be together no matter what right now. I could help you produce and write some new songs and we could set up a tour and get everything going again.”
She started to cry a bit as she smiled, “Wow… you really want to do all of that?”
I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her on my lap, kissing her head, “Baby of course. I want to be with you and be a part of your life. You 3 could use all the help you can get.”
“You have no idea how happy that makes me,” she sat up as she straddled me and kissed me softly, wrapping her arms around my neck.
“I love you,” I said staring at her and sliding my hands down to her hips.
“I love you too,” She said yawning.
“I take it you haven’t been sleeping either,” I laughed.
“No I haven’t haha not without you here. I’ve been staying up thinking about you and trying to write a freaking song without over thinking it,” she snuggled into me and tucked her arms under my shirt.
“Wow, could you stop making me fall more and more in love with you for two seconds,” I said, sliding my hands up her back, under her shirt. God she was soft.
She kissed me hard and nuzzled me, resting her forehead against mine and smiled, “That’s your problem. Now help me with mine,” she got off of me and grabbed a notebook. Then she jumped on the bed next to me, curling her knees up to her chest cutely. “I have the melody and everything, but um,” she bit her lip, “The words just aren’t coming out right.”
We sat there until two o’clock in the morning writing probably one of the most amazing songs I’ve ever seen on paper in my life. It was awkward, because there were parts of it I didn’t understand, but it still made sense when you think about what the band has gone through, and what she’s going through right now. Even if this girl wasn’t in love with me and was married or something, I’d still be obsessively in love with her. It’s not easy to put things like that on paper and into words, but she did, easily. It was amazing to read them and help her, but even more amazing to find out that, this never has to change. I was a part of this band, and her life, and it felt more incredible than anything ever has. I felt overpowered with happiness, and it kept getting better.
The hardest part was over, and it felt like a huge weight had dropped off of my shoulders. I was afraid of Paramore being over and not being able to move on because of me, but because of Catie it happened quickly and almost painless. I wanted the song to continue to grow, because it was a huge step for this band, and our lives. I was so excited, waiting till the morning to show Jeremy and Taylor and start our new beginning was not an option. I called them both to meet me in my basement at home in an hour. I didn’t tell Catie anything yet, because I wanted it to be a surprise for everyone like it was for me. There were so many changes, but good ones, for the most part. In the end, we just had to stay together.
The four of us stood in the basement, all putting our instruments on and joking around. It was like the reincarnation of Paramore was literally happening right in front of me. Catie was on drums, which surprised me because I had no idea she was a drummer. But I guess we all had a lot to learn about each other, which made me even more excited.
“These are the best lyrics you’ve ever written,” Taylor said excitedly as he and Jeremy read over them.
“I had the best help,” I smiled at Catie awkwardly.
“You two… are um,” Jeremy asked, sounding nervous by asking.
“Yeah haha I guess we are. She wants to take a break from Stone Sour and help us…”
“Haha that’d be awesome,” Taylor said, “She does obviously know what she’s doing… let’s just try it out.”
“Yeah I’m a little worried about you two keeping it about the band,” Jeremy said, sounding a little pissed. I guess he had a right to be, but they were both underestimating us.
“Oh yeah because Hayley’s such a selfish person,” Catie said laughing; “You guys need to get over whatever Josh put in your heads, because it was never true. This song is about the band and us; if Hayley was really selfish she wouldn’t have written so many songs about your friendship.”
The room went silent after she said that, because she was right. She was right about everything, like all of the time. She knew everything that was going on and I didn’t tell her too much. It was seriously what this band needed. We were rushing into everything without talking about anything, and it wasn’t fair because they hadn’t even forgiven me yet. I guess we all needed a longer break than I thought, than any of us thought.
The guys left and things were really… weird now. Everything felt unsettled and left me wondering if Paramore could really keep going after everything that’s happened, because they can’t get over it? Ugh it was so immature and stupid that we couldn’t work through this like adults. I sat on the couch at 6 in the morning with Catie’s arms around me, thinking way too much about everything. There was too much pressure on me, like she said. I couldn’t even fight for my band anymore. I did need a break, regardless of what anyone said.
“What do you think about you staying with your band and me going with you instead,” I asked, looking up at her.
She thought for a sec, “Well, I guess you could, if we had any plans. I mean we have a lot of extra songs and tours we could sign on to… it depends on what the guys have going on. But, I’d like to do a new metal summer tour.”
“I would love to go on tour, have you as my mentor.”
“But, Hayley it’s going to be harder… I mean people are getting really curious now. How are we going to handle the press?”
I lay across her, “Ugh I don’t know. It’s too early to talk about this. We should get back to the cabin, we have to babysit tomorrow,” I whined.
“I kind of love this house… I could see myself living here,” she smiled as she picked me up and carried me out to the car, setting me in the passenger seat.
“Catie, do you want to live with me,” I stared at her.
“It’d be easier to get to know each other…”
“Babe it’s honestly not a big deal, distance is the last thing we need right now.”
“I think we need sleep,” She laughed and wrapped one arm around me, pulling me close to her.
“Yes, my eyelids feel like fucking boulders.”
She kissed my forehead, “You can sleep until we get there.”
I snuggled up to her, “I love you.”
“I love you too Hayley,” she brushed my hair back.
“You’re amazing. Thank you so much for today. Best day ever,” I smiled, laughing because I sounded like a 5 year old.
“You’re welcome. I couldn’t agree more, and it’ll keep getting better. Now sleep,” she kissed me gently.
Everything was falling into place, not perfectly, but amazing still. Hayley was really wanting to be apart of my life like I wanted to be apart of hers, but mine held very dark things and temptations that some people may be shocked to see. I knew she could handle it, and I’d be there the whole time, but it was me that was the problem. There were things about me that I didn’t want her to know, because I think it’d scare her away, and I can’t lose her. Nothing ever had a fucking happy ended for me, and that’s what scared me the most. Because if I lost her, it would be the end of me. I freaked out at the thought of this.
I stopped the car on the side of the dirt road, waking her up like I planned. She gave me a confused, sleepy look that was so adorable. That’s when before she could say anything, I grabbed her face and kissed her as deeply as I could. She whimpered when I pulled away and stared at me, then she grabbed my face as kissed me hard, smashing our lips together. Obviously, this wasn’t a normal kiss. I kept kissing her as I climbed into the backseat and pulled her so she was straddling me. She pushed me so I was lying down and we started kissing slower as we were trying to breathe. I slid my hand down her back, over her perfect ass and across the back of her legs, then back up to the middle of her back. She slid her hands up under my shirt to my shoulders and chest as we started kissing with open mouths. She tasted incredible, and kept me wanting more. She slid her legs down and lay on top of me as we kept making out. But she was much faster on going farther than me, she sat up again and undid my belt and button on my jeans before she slid her hand down my underwear and began rubbing me slow but hard and deeply, making me moan as I felt pressure on my clit. I needed more.
“Break it up you two,” A cop yelled, making us both jump and pull away fast, hitting our heads. “Get home and I’ll let you off.”
Fuck. “Uh okay sir.”
I climbed in the driver seat as Hayley was laughing hysterically as she fell over in the middle of the front seat. She made me fucking laugh too, even though it wasn’t that funny.
“Babe it seriously isn’t that funny!”
She could hardly breathe or talk, “Oh my god why do we pick the WORST places to have sex?!”
Okay that was funny, “HAHA I seriously don’t fucking know,” I started driving again, trying to focus on the road. “You’re fucking amazing.”
She kissed my neck, giving me the chills, “This is not over, I promise you.”
It was 9 o’clock, the time I’ve been waiting for all fucking day. Hayley was putting all the little kids to bed while I stood in the hallway, zoning out to everything I was going to do to her tonight. I’ve been planning this night for too long, it was killing me to wait even 5 seconds, but it was so worth it. It wasn’t really about sex or being unbearably turned on by her, it was about being the only one that would get to touch her like I would, and officially being her girlfriend. Everything that would happen tonight was like the initiation for the rest of our lives. We needed each other for so long, and now we got to have each other. I had a feeling it was going to be crazier than I even imagined.
Hayley grabbed my hand and quickly pulled me into her room before shutting the door and locking it. “I need you so bad Catie,” she said before shoving me against the wall.
She took my hand that she was holding tightly and slowly slid it up the inside of her thigh. She was so fucking soft there; it turned me on more than I’d ever been turned on in my life. I slid my hand away from hers, wanting to do this my way. I pushed her on the bed, keeping my hands under her so I could fall on top of her. We started making out really really hard; both unable to breathe or keep our eyes open for two seconds. I could taste her so fucking well as she started opening her mouth more and more into the kiss. She spread her legs a bit and started grinding up against me, wrapping her arms around my neck. Her hips were hard and incredible strong, and they felt even better against mine. She started to whimper at every kiss and grind slower, until she was shoving up against me. That’s when I knew going slow wasn’t working anymore.
I felt like passing out every time we kissed, but I distracted myself from that by starting to undress her. I took off her shirt with one hand, lifting her back up with the other and taking off her bra. She held onto my neck with one hand and started undressing me with the other while she kissed up and down the front of my neck slowly, so I felt every single detail of her lips against my skin, it killed me. I took of her shorts before I started feeling her hips. God there’s honestly no one in the world who feels this incredible. I laid her back down and slid up on her, pressing our bodies together so close we could hardly stand it. I started kissing her neck as she whimpered and grabbed my hips, pushing them into hers as hard as she could.
Then, I started kissing down her neck and tasting her skin as much as I could stand it without losing control. I ran my hands up her hips and sides to her chest, cupping her into my hands as she moaned for me to do more. I decided I felt her almost everywhere to stall for as long as possible. We both needed more. We started kissing again, making out harder then before as she wrapped her legs around my hips. I slid my hand between us, sliding my fingers quickly down inside her. She felt absolutely indescribable and I knew I couldn’t pull out for a very very long time.
We kept making out hard as she started pulsing around my fingers, making me want to speed up and make her feel even better. I kissed her once again softer than before, and then I kissed my way down to her waist, waiting for her to make sound before I went farther down. She begged me to keep going, and that’s when I lost complete control. Honestly, it feels like we’ve been together and already had insane chemistry, which is just another reason why this is so incredible and why I was done holding back completely. I started licking her clit, starting slightly under it and licking all the way to the very top of her. I’d never tasted anything like her in my life. It quickly became addictive to where I had to lick harder and deeper or I couldn’t fucking stand it. She went absolutely insane and kept whimpering my name and she started grabbing onto the sheets. It really didn’t take much for Hayley to be seconds from orgasm, which was fucking incredible.
She instantly started moaning over and over and pulsing really really hard around my fingers. She sat up quickly and grabbed me, pulling me up to her. We started kissing again, even deeper and faster than before. I got up on my knees and shoved her against the headboard of the bed with one hand behind her head and the other still inside of her. She wrapped her legs around my hips again and kept on of her hands around my neck, and the other resting her finger tips on my stomach, making me restless because I knew she was teasing me. I wanted to do the same and start grinding my hips slowly against hers, trying not to make noise and be weak every time her skin touched mine, but I couldn’t. I was already about to give in just from grinding against her while she kissed me.
She stopped while she rested her forehead on mine, breathing hard, “You’re so amazing Catie. I love you so much and I need to keep going, but I’m absolutely exhausted.”
“You’re incredible and there’s no one else I’d rather do this with. I love you too so much,” I kissed her forehead and lay beside her, “There’s nothing I want to do more now than just hold you while we sleep,” I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close to me, kissing her head.
“Aww you’re so cheesy, but it is really sweet and romantic,” she laughed quietly and cuddled into me, pressing her forehead against the top of my chest. “You’re warm,” she kept laughing.
“Haha you get giggly when you’re tired,” I said while pulling the blankets over us. I cuddled against her, feeling fucking incredible and like I never wanted to move.
“Shut uuuppp, I can’t help it,” she whispered while she cuddled closer. “Goodnight Catie,” she smiled.
“Goodnight Hayley,” I squeezed her against me and tucked my head against hers.
I slept better than I have my entire life with Catie. She held me the entire night and kept me incredibly warm, not to mention she wore me out and was seriously the best person to cuddle into. She was still asleep when I woke up, so I decided it was my turn to hold her while she slept, it was honestly the least I could do for what she did for me last night, which was so so so incredible, there’s just not any words to describe it. I sat up a little and pulled her head up on my chest while I hugged her against me as tight as I could. She was so adorable, because she instantly snuggled into me and wrapped her arms around my waist, grinning cutely.
“Good morning baby,” I kissed her forehead, smiling my face off.
She looked up at me, “God can I wake up like this everyday,” she kissed me hard on the lips.
I couldn’t breathe after she kissed me like that, “Uh yeah, and you have no choice.”
She slid up on me, kissing me more before she whispered, “Good thing I chose you then. Just be my girlfriend already,” she smiled as I laughed.
“You’re so adorable! Yes! Yes!” I kissed her once really hard.
“Okay, I have to get off of you before… yeah,” she laughed and got off of me, “I want to spend time with you and everyone else today… then maybe we can continue this later.”
“Yeah, we should go before someone walks in on us… but definitely continue this later,” I smiled and kissed her.
“I was thinking… tomorrow night we should go on a real date,” she laughed as she put her jeans on.
“Wow, that’d be amazing Catie, I think that’s a great idea,” I smiled and got my clothes on too.
“I love you,” she walked up and kissed me, surprising me. “And, I want to do this the right way.”
“I love you too so much,” I kissed her again; “There’s no reason why we need to rush things.”
“No. I don’t want to end up like our parents,” she hugged me, pulling my head against her shoulder. “I can’t wait for your surprise tomorrow,” she laughed excitedly. God I loved when she laughed like that.
“Surprise?! What the hell did I do?!”
She grabbed my face and kissed me, “You said yes to be my girlfriend… and you’re hot in bed,” she laughed.
I slapped her gently, “You’re so perverted, but amazing. Tell me what it is!!”
She grinned and put her shirt on, “Nope, you’re going to have to wait. Now let’s go eat… awkwardly in front of your family. By the way, Holly is cute and she likes me,” we walked out of the room.
“Aww that’s cute, but who doesn’t like you,” I grabbed her hand.
“Hey you two! Sit down!” My mom said excitedly as she was starting breakfast. “It’s good to see you again,” she laughed, “How’s the song going Hayley?”
“Um… slow but it’s getting somewhere I guess. The really personal ones are always the hardest,” I laughed, trying not to reveal too much about it. I knew Catie would be really curious though anyway.
“I’m sure you’ll write it just fine, especially with Catie here,” she smiled, looking like a normal proud mom.
Turns out, the worry with the family was truly over. My mom was almost in love with Catie more than I was! It was amazing to really have all of this turning out way better than I expected, but there was still a lot of things to come. Like, I was so excited for Catie’s surprise for me, but I was also extremely nervous about it. It was probably because it’s so unexpected and I had no idea what it could be. Luckily I had a surprise for her as well, even if it’s kind of a surprise for everyone else too. The main thing was, we were together now and absolutely nothing would ever, ever change that, because we wouldn’t let it.
This song Hayley was talking about sounded amazing. I hadn’t heard a word about it till now, and that made me really curious, but I could also tell she didn’t want to talk about it quite yet, which I completely understand. But, I also worried if she was really okay with all of this, because of all the complications. We were already in love and serious about this relationship, so I didn’t want her to have any second thoughts, or think I was all about sex or plain and boring.
That’s why today, she was going to come with me to start working on my tattoo collection. I was getting her entire body tattooed on my forearm, not because she was my girlfriend or anything like that, it’s because she’s been one of my inspirations since 2003, and nothing would ever change that. Her going with me was an initiation for her, to see the real uncensored me. I was a total guy, especially when it came to tattoos, which were a big deal to me. Fuck, I was so nervous about this whole first date thing, even though she loved me and we already had sex, it was a huge deal. The nerves kept getting worse, especially when I realized she was probably going to dress up, which meant she was going to look even more irresistible. My mind was really out of control today, and it was because of her.
“What time do you have your master plan to kidnap me set,” she asked as she was sitting on my lap on the couch, leaning against me.
“Haha four thirty, so in like 3 hours. Why you asking?”
“Because I don’t wanna move,” she snuggled into me, turning on her side on me.
I held her as close as I could and kissed her forehead, “You don’t have to. Are you tired?”
“Yeah I am. This new band and song is stressing me out,” she sighed, “I don’t even care right now. You’re so warm,” she tucked her head into my side.
I picked her up and held her close to me, carrying her back into the bedroom. I decided that cuddling was a brilliant idea, and clearly she wasn’t going to object to that. She smiled once we got under the sheets and cuddled into me, sliding her hands up my shirt. She kissed my shoulder, then my chest and my other shoulder before tucking her head into it. She was so adorable and the perfect cuddler. As I lay here holding her, my mind begins to go insane and think of the things I want to do with her, because I think our future could be amazing if everything works out, which it will. We were already completely in love and going on our first date, we keep progressing faster than I thought ever possible. It was just going to keep better and better and I decided I wasn’t going to let anything get in the way of that.
My mind kept drifting off, two hours before the date. I couldn’t fall asleep from excitement, and absolutely perverted day dreaming that never seemed to end. She was so soft and warm, and all I could think about was kissing her until I couldn’t take it anymore. I slid down a little bit and kissed her softly, closing my eyes and immersing myself into the kiss, until she surprised me and kissed me back harder. We kept kissing, practically making out as she slid her hand up and down my back. She then pushed me over and got on top of me, pushing my shoulders down before sitting up, crossing her arms and sliding her shirt off slowly. I stared at her for a second before leaning forward, wrapping my hands around the sides of her, right above her hips. I kissed her amazingly toned stomach that was probably one of my favorite parts of her. She wrapped her arms around my head, pressing my cheek to her stomach.
“We have to get ready baby,” she kissed the side of my head and got off of me.
“Not yet,” I said, grabbing her and getting her into my lap. I kissed her again, three times before she stopped me.
“God I can’t keep you off of me for two seconds,” she laughed, keeping her hands on my face and kissing me again, then slowly licking my upper lip. “You gotta take me on a date for more,” she giggled and flipped off of me. God did she have to be such a fucking tease all the time?
“I guess I can’t argue with that.”
I was getting more and more nervous as I waited for Hayley to get ready, mostly because I was afraid of what she was going to wear. Whatever she was going to wear, she was going to look amazing and be a huge distraction. And I was right. I never ever thought I’d see Hayley in a strapless white sundress that showed almost all of her back and the top of her chest, and basically Hayley showing any skin is glorious on its own. In short she looked absolutely beautiful, and I realized… this girl is perfect… and I didn’t deserve her one bit.
I found myself staring off into space, replaying Hayley’s words in my head over and over, because I needed proof that it was real. I needed to convince myself it wasn’t just a dream, that this girl was actually asking me out on a date and that she was completely serious about it. I had to see her and not just talk to her, because there was a huge ass fucking wrench in the entire motion of us going out. And that wrench was Charlotte. I wasn’t the type to cheat… but what if it saved my life. What if Hayley was going to free me from it all? We were both bound to something, and it wasn’t fucking fair for either of us. I knew it was cheating and it was technically wrong, but it felt so right. I was ripping my hair out with how bad I needed to just tell her how I felt. But, neither of us was ready for it.
“Um I’d love to come,” I said, shaking off the nerves.
She sighed, “Oh thank god, I thought you were going to say no…”
“I should, but I can’t say no.”
She paused, “What?”
“I have a girlfriend… it’s a long story,” I was so fucking afraid that I blew the entire thing. I wanted to cry haha, fuck.
“I’m coming over now, don’t go anywhere,” she sounded excited.
“We need to talk about this, I want to know the long story and I want to know what I can do to help.”
“Wow, you’re actually amazing haha.”
“Shut up,” she hung up.
That is not how I expected her to react, at all. She couldn’t stop blowing me away for two seconds, even if she tried. When she came on to our bus, she tackled me in a hug and wrapped her arms around my neck.
“What’s this for,” I asked laughing from the amazing surprise.
“Because I know how you feel Catie, and I want to help because I want to see where this goes…”’
We sat down on the couch and I told her everything about Charlotte, which wasn’t easy to do. I could tell Hayley tensed up when I told her Charlotte was an abusive alcoholic that I got stuck living with and that I didn’t know how to get away from her besides touring and the band. Hayley was the easiest person to talk to for me now, because she listened attentively and didn’t over react. It felt fucking incredible to tell her how I felt about all of it, but there was obviously more I needed to say.
“I want you to be my girlfriend, no matter what happens with Charlotte,” I said, almost whispering because I was so damn nervous.
She hugged me, pulling my head against her shoulder, “I will be.”
“You look amazing today, by the way,” I pulled away and checked her out. Oh god.
She giggled and fell against me, “You’re so cute.”
“Shut up! You’re adorable,” I pulled her into my lap.
“You think we can hide this from the world,” she asked, laughing and looking up at me with her head against my shoulder.
“We can try our damndest. Now go, I’ve got sound check.”
She smiled and hugged me quickly, “I’ll see you later Catie,” she kissed my cheek, making me blush like an idiot.
The guys laughed at me the entire sound check, because I’ve probably never smiled this much in front of them. Eventually I would tell them what happened, but I wasn’t ready. The surprise of it all made me extremely high and made everything so much easier. I’d felt like a large weight drop off of me, and that was mostly because of Hayley’s clothes today. I couldn’t wait to see what she was wearing tonight. Obviously this sound check ended quickly, because I was way too fucking distracted to come up with any good ideas. But, eventually the whole thing would inspire me to write more. Right now, I was just so obsessed with her, I had to text her.
“Hey, what you wearing tonight,” I asked her. The wait for her reply killed me.
I freaked out when she replied, “Wouldn’t you like to know ;).”
“Don’t get like that with me! I just want to match with you!”
“That’d be cool. I’m wearing a black dress with a red and yellow belt and red high heels.”
Oh god. “You can’t wear that…”
“LOL why not?”
I walked into a wall while in the process of replying to her. Jim got the attention of the whole band crew and everyone started laughing. “Because I just walked into a wall cus of you…”
It took her longer to reply this time. “Ohmygod LOL! You’re hilarious! I miss you L.”
“Only 1 hour till the date! No frowning!!!”
“I can’t wait.”
I got light headed again, feeling like I was on fire, “I can’t either. It’ll be amazing.”
I couldn’t stop thinking about her for the entire hour. I was seriously falling for Hayley faster than I thought was possible. Tonight, I had to kiss her. I didn’t have any other choice, because it was the only thing I could think about now. Hayley wasn’t just some girl I was going to date, she was my future and my hero. Nothing would ever change that either, not even the whole world. I dressed nice, in all black to at least match with her somewhat. No one asked why I was dressing up, and that was a good thing. We weren’t ready for anyone to know, especially Hayley. I wanted to respect her and practically treat her like a queen, because she deserved it.
I took a taxi over to the place where the dinner was. Apparently, some management was going to be there, which worried me because it could get in the way of the date and meeting Taylor and Jeremy as well. But, business was part of the music and I respected that. I was just being territorial with Hayley. I wanted her all to myself, and I’ve never felt like that before. Hopefully, everything goes perfect like it should.
“Catie,” she yelled, squeaking a bit before she hugged me.
I looked down at her dress and how amazing it hung off of her perfect body. “You look fucking amazing,” I whispered as I hugged her really tight.
“You always look amazing,” She whispered and pulled away, “This is Taylor and that’s Jeremy!”
“Haha it’s awesome to meet you guys. You kick ass on stage!”
“Haha thanks,” Taylor said, “Hayley’s been obsessed with you for like 6 years now.”
“Wow,” I looked at her, “Really?”
She blushed and nodded before smacking Taylor, “Shut up! Let’s go eat.”
I hadn’t been on a date for a really long time, and certainly didn’t remember it being this amazing. I got along with everyone here and we all had a lot to talk about, but to be honest, I couldn’t stop staring at Hayley. I’d never seen something so amazing in my life. She was seriously getting more and more beautiful every time I saw her, and it was getting harder to hold back. I’d never felt like this before, and I think it was because I loved her. But everything was so shrouded by everything else; I didn’t know what I should feel.
This is the most fun I’ve had in my entire life. Catie’s sense of humor was killing me and making me laugh like an idiot in front of everyone, but I didn’t care. Another thing I noticed was how we couldn’t avoid staring at each other. It was seriously like a normal date, just way more fun with her than anyone else. There was no tension or awkwardness between us or the crew, and that was a clear sign no one would fit into this better than Catie. It was actually kinda perfect, and I wasn’t surprised.
Catie needed to break up with Charlotte, for so many reasons. Charlotte was not good enough or right for Catie. She deserved SO much better and it killed me to think about how she wasn’t treated right. I wanted to make her life better and take care of her, because I loved her more than anyone else could. Catie kept me head over heels all the time now, and nothing could get in the way of it. Because I just couldn’t let it. She was a part of my life now and she had to know that.
We walked out to the van that would take us back to the venue to get ready for the show. Of course I sat by Catie in the very back. “That was amazing,” I said, leaning against her.
She smiled and wrapped her arms around me, “I loved it. We have to do it again sometime, like tomorrow night,” she laughed.
“Yesss, I vote we do it every night!”
“Hey, why don’t you sing the last song with me tonight?”
I couldn’t breathe, “Um wow, yes. Are you serious?” I can’t believe she even asked that.
She laughed and hugged me tighter, sliding her hand down to my waist, “Yes Hayley. I’ve always wanted to sing a duet with you!”
My jaw dropped, “Shit, let’s do it! The fans will freak! Which song?”
She grinned, “You’re favorite.”
I wanted to kiss her, so, so much. “I love you,” I whispered.
We were interrupted by a crowd of people near the gate to the buses, which got me freaking excited for this show. It was completely sold out and everyone was already going insane. It was going to be the best show yet so far, because tonight was the first night in a long time that I felt like my crazy ass self, and it felt amazing. I was so close to having the girl of my dreams as my girlfriend, and we were falling in love like some incredibly deep love story, but it was so much lighter hearted and easy than that. Catie was the reason why everything was getting easier and way more positive.
I was so nervous for the show tonight, specifically singing with Catie at the very end of the entire thing. I’ve sang the song before, blasting it in my car as I drove through Nashville to band practice. But, singing in on stage with her was going to be surreal and probably one of the most amazing things ever; besides telling her I loved her. Every amazing thing had to do with her now, which was ironic because she’s the most amazing person I’ve ever met.
Our set was fun as hell, especially since the crowd was absolutely going crazy. The three of us were getting more and more comfortable with just being a trio on stage and in the spotlight. We had probably the best support and influence on this tour. Everyone was some of our heroes and people we look up to. I never wanted this tour to end, ever. And it only got better when Stone Sour got on the stage. They’re definitely my favorite band to see live, ignoring the fact that Catie is the lead singer. I seriously couldn’t wait for the last song.
“Alright,” Catie said while everything quieted down. She walked over to center stage, strapping her guitar on. “We weren’t ever going to do this song live, but everyone insisted we play the motherfucker. So I need someone to help me out with this. Get the fuck out here!!”
The stage hand slipped the mic into my hand before I nervously jumped out on stage, trying not to trip. She started the intro on her own, making it hard for me not to faint or something incredibly embarrassing. Her voice was so amazing. Once it got to the chorus, everyone freaked out and there was this amazing vibe that I’ve never felt at any show in my life. At the end of the second verse, I came in with light backing vocals, scaring myself when we harmonized. Then, at the chorus it became so heavy and loud that all you could hear was us harmonizing and making our way to each other on the stage, which was the worst thing we could’ve done. Everyone was noticing that Catie and I weren’t just singing together, we were singing to each other on accident. We kept getting closer until we were singing at each other face to face, and every word started to become harder and harder to sing until the very last phrase of the outro, because we literally needed to kiss each other.
She grabbed my face, leaning forward quickly as she kissed me. The entire auditorium went silent, and neither of us cared. I knew this completely ruined keeping it a secret, but I figured if we already blew it, might as well just enjoy this incredible moment. We kissed harder, wrapping our arms around each other. We both smiled at the same time into the kiss, except I was starting to tear up a bit, just from relief of how bad I’ve wanted to do this for so long, and I didn’t want it to end anytime soon, and it didn’t. Jim pushed us off the stage as the crowd was painfully loud. Catie threw her guitar off and stared at me, inches away.
“I love you too,” she smiled before kissing me again.
“I love you more than you think,” I said grabbing her face.
Characters: Alix, Sarah, Hayley, Josh, Jeremy Plot: Sarah, Alix, Josh and Jeremy are all in a Russian-American war in Russia, until they come home to find the war has unexpectedly spread to home. They are marines trained specifically for the war. Alix is gay and is best friends with Jeremy who brings her home to Franklin, Tennessee where they both deal with Post Traumatic Stress and questioning their time at home. Alix and Hayley form a quick bond on a camping/hunting trip. Hayley is a talented shooter and helps Alix with her PTD until Alix is shipped out to the Special Forces training Possible Titles: Dying. What Were You Expecting. Better Sorry Than Safe. My Hero. Best of You. Made Of Scars. In the Morning. ‘Til We Die. My Sacrifice.
Characters: Alix, Sarah, Hayley, Josh, Jeremy
Plot: Sarah, Alix, Josh and Jeremy are all in a Russian-American war in Russia, until they come home to find the war has unexpectedly spread to home. They are marines trained specifically for the war. Alix is gay and is best friends with Jeremy who brings her home to Franklin, Tennessee where they both deal with Post Traumatic Stress and questioning their time at home. Alix and Hayley form a quick bond on a camping/hunting trip. Hayley is a talented shooter and helps Alix with her PTD until Alix is shipped out to the Special Forces training
What Were You Expecting.
Better Sorry Than Safe.
Best of You.
Made Of Scars.
In the Morning.
‘Til We Die.
Hunger Strike: Short Story
It was the first day back to school and I was excited. Brandon and I were on the basketball team, and let’s just say I was the last resort, being the only senior girl who’d play on the team. Brandon was my best friend since 6th grade and I loved him like a brother. So, our senior year together was definitely going to be the most incredible year. With all the friends we’ve made and all the sports we were playing, plus our band, there would never be a dull moment. And, we declared this year would be the year we would find our women, the love of our lives, and the ones to take our virginity. The first day was a great beginning
The new guy on the team was on fire and insane, hardly seeming like a basketball player and more like a cartoon character. He had bright red hair, manly features, and a very thin build. He matched well with the rest of us and had amazing speed. But, I noticed someone else who looked similar on the side of the outdoor court. A tall, skinny, brunette stood on the side, smiling incredibly beautiful. She fit in with the other girls with the clothes, but her looks were beyond normal high school girl looks. But, my stare was soon interrupted by the ball hitting me straight in the face.
Brandon laughed a little as I fell back on the concrete, “You alright dude? Haha how’d you fall?” I glanced at her to signal to him. “Oh fuck haha, that’s what love does to you.”
“Dude, are you checking out my sister,” the new guy asked grinning and crossing his arms as Brandon helped me up.
“Yes, whoa that’s your sister,” I asked, surprised as hell.
He grinned wider, “That’s my older sis, Lzzy. I’m Arejay!”
“Nice to meet you amazing family,” I laughed, “She’s gorgeous.”
“We should have a triple date!”
“We can all take our sisters,” then we fell over laughing. Ew. “NO I mean we can all take each other’s sisters!”
“Who’s your sister,” Arejay’s eyes widened.
“Jen,” I pointed to her on the soccer field.
His jaw dropped and he looked dumbfounded, “Holy fuck. I’m in, just be good to Lzzy. Who does Brandon get then?
“Emma,” I grinned, pointing at her in the soccer field. Emma was Brandon’s kryptonite. He’s always liked her, and she’s always liked him. But, other guys kept getting in the way. “Let’s do it tonight and take them to my house. My parents are out of time,” I winked.
“Emma? Holy shit, it feels like I take Viagra every time I look at her,” Brandon said smiling big, like he was nervous already. “No but she’s cool haha. This is the best idea you’ve ever had.”
“I’d have to agree,” I said, staring at Lzzy. She was amazing and I haven’t even met her yet. But, she caught me staring and did a small wave with this gorgeously inviting smile. “Who dares me to go invite her?” All the guys on the court agreed I should do it. Fuck. My knees were shaking, but I kept my cool and walked up to her. “Hey new girl,” I said casually laughing.
She laughed and smiled, crossing her arms like a bad ass, “Hey! See you’ve met my brother haha. I’m Lzzy,” she held her hand out.
I shook it gently, “I’m Alix haha and I suck at basketball.”
“Haha so do I! But, you’re fun to watch! So, am I in the group now,” she smiled cutely as we walked around the court.
“Fuck yeah! Actually, Arejay, Brandon and I were planning a triple date at my house tonight. I wanted to know if you’d like to go with me,” I said, shoving the words out before I hesitated.
She stopped walking and looked at me, then grinned, looking sexy, “You’re asking me out on a date when we just met? Hmmm… I’m going to have to say yes. Chicks with bad ass presences and black hair and blue eyes are kind of my thing.” Oh shit.
“Women who look amazing as you are my thing,” I stared at her.
“Well, I guess this is going to be fucking awesome then.”
“Yes it will be. See you and Arejay later,” I said before the bell rang.
All I thought about for the rest of the afternoon was this incredible triple date. It was surreal; to think we all were going with the most amazing girls in the school. Arejay and Brandon were my wing men now, permanently. Arejay was fucking awesome and not your typical guy, and Lzzy certainly wasn’t your typical girl. All of us fit amazingly together, now that I think about it. Except Lzzy who was way too amazing for a girl like me. But, that didn’t mean I was going to ruin tonight with my doubts. Because all doubts aside, I knew she was amazing and liked me enough to go on a date with me.
This is what my life was, chasing after my dreams, chasing impossibilities, and chasing a woman I met 3 hours ago. So, my life starts today. This is where everything new begins, and where old is completely washed away, because I find something that overpowers everything I’ve ever felt in my entire life. I sat in a clinic, watching the girl I just met get stitches because of me. I ran into her on my skateboard in the back lot of a concert hall. Her name was Hayley, and she was in a popular band called Paramore. She had absolutely beautiful orange hair and green eyes that anyone would be captivated by, even just by passing her on the street. She was amazing. And, I was an idiot. My name is Caitlin, Catie for short. And this is the simple beginning of everything.
“I am so incredibly sorry,” I said sympathetically as I sat in front of her.
“It’s not your fault, I’m having a bad day,” she laughed sarcastically.
“Yeah and I bet this puts a wonderful cherry on top,” I laughed with her.
“OH YEAH, it’s wonderful,” she rolled her eyes; “I hope Josh doesn’t come. He’s going to FLIP haha.”
“Josh? Oh, you’re guitar player right?”
“And boyfriend,” she sighed and looked really disappointed.
“Love and hate I take it?”
“Haha pretty much. He’s been an ass lately. Ow,” she yelped as they stitched up her shoulder. Then, I could see a tear in her eye.
“Does it hurt that bad,” I asked.
“I think both things are equal.”
I grabbed her hand, “That sucks, but eventually the pain goes away,” I said while staring at her.
She looked at me, and smiled, “Are you usually this awesome?”
“How hard did you hit your head,” I asked, joking with her. I’ve never been this comfortable with anyone.
“Hard enough to be crying like a girl apparently,” she wiped her eyes and squeezed my hand. “You should come to the show tonight..”
“That’d actually be amazing, I’ve never been to a concert,” I said while trying to focus on the conversation and not the softness of the skin on her hand.
“Wow really? That’s crazy! You have to come backstage then. Ow freaking a, I’m never getting stitches again.”
I squeezed her hand harder and laughed, “That would be amazing! Maybe you can hire me as your body guard.”
She slid her fingers in between mine and squeezed while laughing adorably, “Yes, because two disasters equal safety!”
“Exactly,” I laughed.
We stared at each other and smiled, “You seriously have to come,” she said sounding excited.
Josh came in, walking with his arms crossed, “What now,” he huffed.
We removed our hands from each other, “Josh, you didn’t have to come,” Hayley said, looking mad.
“I wanted to make sure you were okay to play the show tonight haha because we can’t really replace you,” he rolled his eyes.
“Of course I can play,” she said quietly, “Wouldn’t let our fans down, ever,” she shook her head, looking defeated just by his actions, tone, and presence. I could already tell he was an ass.
“Alright, do you want me to carry you then,” He asked, laughing stupidly.
“Uhm, I am pretty sure I can handle it on my own,” she said laughing again sarcastically as she slid off the examine table. “Catie and I are going for lunch. Go back to the bus,” she smiled at me, ignoring him almost.
He laughed, “Alright fine, have fun.”
We all walked out of the clinic, Josh separating from Hayley and me. Hayley knew where she was going, so I let her lead me into a café that I’d never been to and I’ve lived in NYC all my life. she sat on the other side of the table from me and started smiling again.
“I’m sorry I pulled you into this,” she said leaning on the table cutely. “But, when you ran into me I think we connected,” she laughed.
She made me laugh, “I think we should take you back to the hospital,” I touched her forehead with the back of her hand.
She stopped laughing and just smiled, “No I’m good!”
She made me smile and stare at her, “Well we’re stuck here I guess…”
“So, I guess we have more to talk about.”
Hayley drove up quickly and I could tell she’d been crying, which made me feel even worse about everything. She got out of the car, not even bothering to close the door, she walked up to me and wrapped her arms around my neck. This was an amazing sign and made me feel so much better about it, but still. She smelled like rain and fresh air, just how she usually smelled, and the smell I always miss when she’s gone. This can never happen again.
“I’m sorry Hayley,” I said, wrapping my arms around her.
“It’s okay. I don’t want to fight anymore, let’s just stop all the drama and be normal again. Jake will be alright, and until we hear something bad, I say no news is good news baby,” she really knew how to make everything okay.
“God I love you Hayley. Let’s just forget all of it and make the best of our time together.”
“I second that, because I love you too,” she smiled and kissed me. “Now I know I can’t lose you.”
“Wow. I can’t lose you either,” I kissed her back.
“Now let’s go somewhere,” She said excitedly.
“Hmmm let’s go to the middle of nowhere again,” I laughed.
She jumped up on me, “You’re carrying me.”
“In that case,” I carried her to the backyard to the grass and fell backwards so she was straddling me.
“You’re amazing,” she closed her eyes and lay on me, resting her hands on my chest.
“Please, you’re the amazing one,” I whispered.
Hayley and I were back to normal and not worried about anything. This was how it was supposed to be, and I thanked god it worked out so well. I got really lucky. Today was amazing now, and I couldn’t wait to put the rest of it to good use. I held her closer than I ever have, savoring the moment. She slid up and kissed my forehead, then slid down and curled up on me.
After awhile of cuddling, I remembered that the day wasn’t over and she had work to do, unfortunately. I picked Hayley up again and carried her inside, into the music room where I sat her in a chair.
“You write, I feed you and keep you company,” I smiled.
“Awww you’re so sweet. Thanks Catie, I mean you’re the only one who’s ever done this for me.”
I leaned over, grabbed her face and kissed her deeply, “You fucking deserve it and I promise I’ll be here for you the whole time.”
“I know you will,” she smiled and turned to her desk. God I love her.
Watching Hayley write alone was like falling in love with her over and over again. Staring at her was amazing. Her eyes focused and her lips still unless she was sounding out the words, and her body leaned forward in the chair, leaning against the desk like a teenager. I played my guitar silently for extra entertainment, but watching the love of my life doing what she loves most is one of the most amazing things ever. I’ve never wanted to kiss and touch her so bad. But, I had to let her work.
“Whoa, play that again,” She said turning around and pointing to my guitar.
“What? This,” I asked as I repeated the same strum pattern.
She got up and grabbed her acoustic guitar, “Kay show me how you play that babe.”
For half an hour, we were playing together in perfect synchronization. It felt amazing to be playing with one of my favorite musicians in the world, but also my girlfriend. We wrote a song together, something I’d never expect to do in my entire life. This feeling will never, ever go away.
“Catie, that is so amazing! You’re really good,” she smiled beautiful.
“God shut up,” I said walking up, grabbing her face and kissing her deeply.
She stood up and put her hands on my face as she kissed me even deeper. Then, I slid my hands down her neck, slowly down her shoulders, then to her waist and I wrapped my arms around it, pulling her so much closer. We’ve never, ever kissed this passionately.
“Wow Catie,” she said wrapping her arms and legs around me.
I held her up and kept kissing, “I love you.”
“I love you more,” she grinned.
Behind us, a clearing throat sound was made by someone with quite a deep voice. We turned around to find the biggest surprise of our lives. Hayley jumped off of me and ran to him, picking him up and kissing his head. Then, we all got in a family group hug. It was Jake. Wow.
“Jake oh my gosh, how did you get here,” Hayley asked starting to cry as we kept hugging.
“She dropped me off here,” he said in his new changed voice.
Even I was crying a little bit, “Wow, I am so thankful for that. Neither of you can leave me again, never. Fucking promise me.”
They hugged me tighter as we were all crying and holding each other more than ever. This day has been all kinds of emotional and dramatic. But, everything is back place and better than ever. This was my life, my family, and my love. This was everything I’ve ever wanted, and so much more than I deserve. And, there was still more to come in my life. Our life was just starting, and I hope you stick around to follow it with me.